How long should you let a new baby cry? (1st time parent)?

Question

Our new baby girl peacefully naps for a couple of hours a time during the day. However, once it is time for mommy and daddy to go to bed, the she cries and works herself up to the point where she is some kind of P.Oed. Even with a clean diaper and full belly. So, we find ourselves tring to soothe her in between her 10 minute naps all through the night. I am trying to convince my wife to put her down and just let her cry herself to sleep, but how long should you let her cry before consoling her? Surly crying should eventually tire her out, right?

Answer 1

co sleep. reccomended by dr sears

Answer 2

As long as you are confident that there is nothing wrong with her then let her cry herself to sleep. The more you go to her and be with her between naps then the more she will expect it and when you don't then the more she will cry. Vicious circle that feeds on itself.

Crying will not hurt her and once she finds out that she won't always get you to come to her every time she crys then she will eventually quit doing it. I know it's hard to watch your baby cry like that but it's best for all in the long run.

If your wife can't stand it then send her to bed and close the door or buy her some ear plugs to use until this has resolved itself.

I wish you luck, you will probably need it more with your wife than with your baby, LOL

Answer 3

I know many people will disagree with me but I did not let my babies cry for longer than it took to get there. Babies first impressions of the world they just entered are vital to their development. If you want you baby to consider the world to be a warm and loving place that's what you should provide. Long after my children were babies I read about studies that have been done that indicate that if a baby is "attended to" within a short time of starting to cry they actually cry less. They somehow come to realize that "help is on the way" and don't have the need to cry. Put yourself in your baby's place. You're in an entirely new environment, you haven't a clue about whats going on, you express yourself in the only way you know how and the ones who are supposed to "help" you choose to ignor you instead. What's the incentive to stop crying, or not cry at all. You don't teach a baby not to cry by letting them cry. Another little hint: make sure the baby's bed is warm, like Mommy's or Daddy's arms. Sometime the change in temp keeps them from settling in and staying asleep.

Answer 4

If you make efforts to change her schedule during the day, try to keep her up just before bedtime, mak sure her belly is full before sleep, she should begin to change her sleeping pattern around more and sleep better through the night.

In most cases though, if youre waking up every ten minutes to sooth her back to sleep, you're nothing more than a passifier to her, and in most cases, (obviously she will wet herself at night and need to be fed) she should be able to fuss herself back to sleep after a few minutes.

Just watch the clock. What feels like an hour of crying in real life is probably only 3-5 minutes before you panic and go sooth her. Eventually you will learn the difference between and awake and bored cry, and a wet or hungry cry and you will rest better knowing she can put herself back to sleep.

A brand new baby though is in a completely new environment, with sleep patterns made up in the womb, so adapting to real life is shocking and stressful. Maybe putting her in a bassenett next to your bed, and rubbing her back a few times when gets into a real fit will help. Or perhaps a passifier if all else fails.

Really theres not a whole lot you can do until she changes her sleeping habits and learns to sleep more during the night.

Answer 5

It depends on her age. 6-8 weeks is the peek fussy time for babies. Once you get through that, she'll start to sleep longer at night. I would never just let a baby cry itself to sleep. If your baby is over 3 months you could let her cry but go in and reassure her every 10 min by rubbing her tummy. Don't talk or pick her up, just let her know that you're still there. If she's younger than 3 months, I would recommend just listening to her and doing what you can for her. It's too young at this point to let her cry it out and it probably woundn't work anyways, as they are supposed to be fussier at around 6 or 8 weeks.

Answer 6

I can understand what you are going through, my son had colic as a baby and I wondered if he would ever stop. The good news is that he did stop. You'll sleep again eventually, but I don't believe a baby should ever be allowed to cry it out, they are too young to realize that they are exhausting you. In their little minds, who have no grasp on how much time has gone by, 5 minutes and 5 hours means the same thing. While they are lying there crying they literally think they have been abandoned. Check this website out. http://www.askdrsears.com/

Answer 7

Don't let her cry at all! It sounds like she has her days and nights mixed up. Have your wife wake her to nurse every hour during the day and soon she will start sleeping longer stretches at night. When a baby is left to cry like that their body releases a stress hormone call cortisol. This hormone actually affects the way her brain will develop. Children who are comforted when crying grow into much more secure and peaceful people than ones left to cry. She doesn't know anything about the world yet, when she's alone and crying she doesn't know if you are ever going to come back! Please don't let her cry....

Answer 8

How old is she?

You're just going to have to answer her cries, for now. Try rocking her to sleep, or if it's reflux getting an slight incline for the bed.

If she's older (5< months), try this method:
Give her a last bottle and when you're finished, put her into the crib. Gently put her down, stay there for a couple of minutes soothing her, etc. Leave (without her asleep), and wait 10 minutes if she screams. Go in for another 2-3 minutes, soothe her (DO NOT PICK HER UP!), and leave for another 5 minutes. She will eventually learn to fall asleep on her own, and when she wakes up (everyone wakes up in the middle of the night; we just have to learn to go back to sleep), she won't freak out because she doesn't know where she is.

It's worked for us.

Answer 9

I just had my baby 2 weks ago and was going through the same thing...you have to try and keep her up during the day time. The longer she is up in the day, the more she will sleep at night. It took about a week to get her into the routine, but now the she stays up 4-6 hours or more in the day time. She still naps in the day, but sleeps all through the night now! Just make sure you feed her at night at least every 4 hours.

Answer 10

It is a known fact that a baby that young CANNOT be spoiled! You need to pick her up and comfort her when she cries, it is her only means of communication right now. it may have nothing to do with being wet or hungry, she may be lonely, have gas, need cuddles..etc If you think about it, for 9 months she was with someone day and night in mom's belly) When your baby is about 6 months old then you can start to worry she may become spoiled, but right now she just needs mommy and daddy. Have you tried a co-sleeper to help her be near you safely without having her in your bed?
good luck!

Answer 11

If you want her to grow up a safe person who feels the world is good and people listen to you, you should answer when she cries (she cries because she wants to tell you something - do you want people to ignore you when you try to tell them something?). Preferably let her sleep in your own bed (if you sleep with your wife): then she will feel safe all night and doesn't have to cry unless she's hungry or needs a clean diaper.

If you want her to learn it's no use trying to communicate with others, because they don't listen anyway, you can of course let her cry out into the emptiness until she gives up and resigns herself in silence.

When she's older you can of course think about other ways of handling her feelings, but believe me: you can't spoil a new baby