we have always been so close this hurts! But she says shes depressed and feels anger. I dont want her going on tablets if it can be avoided. She says a huge weight has now been lifted from her now she shared it with me. How do i help her?
2006-09-04 03:19:35 · 17 answers · asked by lavylulu 2 in Health ➔ Women's Health
just love her and be supportive. she needs that. dont dwell on that she didnt tell you when she was 16. she didnt want to disapoint you. all that matters is that she told you about it now! just love her....
2006-09-04 03:22:58 · answer #1 · answered by mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend in high school had an abortion at the same age. I went with her and we lied about her age. I am not in contact with her anymore. However, I experience rage and grief about the situation myself. I can only imagine what she feels. We never told her mother. I think therapy would help. She needs to definitely go through a grief process. When you are 16, you have no sense of your own right/wrong, etc., I think once you grow up and realize what you did and how it may/may not coincide with your belief system---you have a meltdown. It was a horrible experience-the abortion day. We had to bring her out the back door of the office. She was white as a ghost after the procedure. People picketing were driving us crazy. I slept with her that night and made sure she took her medicine. It is way too much responsibility for a teenager. Understand the trauma and treat it with love, therapy, sympathy, and understanding.
2006-09-04 03:27:29 · answer #2 · answered by catzrme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pills are NOT the answer, you know, I know. Just be there for her as if you would've before the situation happened. She needs you more now than ever. Just try to be understanding. I know it kills you inside to know you could've been a grandmother to this child, but you can't take it back and that'll come later in life when she's really ready. It's probably a blessing so she can finish school and continue her education, but you'll always remember this unborn child as a part of your family, so she shouldn't regret her decision. Make her feel good about herself by praising her for her choice (not that you necissarily agree with it) and let her know she can't change her past, to let it go, and live for today cause this is all we've got!!! I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Good luck and God bless!
2006-09-04 05:44:21 · answer #3 · answered by Shining Ray of Light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should tell her what you think about her having sex in that age, what is your idea about her abortion, what you are feeling now that you found out she was hiding it from you and you partially understand why she did it.
Then tell her you love her still the same way and you support her, you appreciate her honesty now and happy that she came in to her senses. But make sure she understands that you don't want it happen again just because you love her.
As far as her feelings toward her abortion, tell her now this is in the past. It is done and you can not change it. So all of you should think about future and just make sure things like that never happen to you ever again.
Good luck!
2006-09-04 03:38:45 · answer #4 · answered by Natalia A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, all you can do is be supportive, I can imagine you must be really disappointed, talk to her seriously, but don't scold.. make her come to her own conclusions, ask a lot about how she feels, and what she thinks, and realize that everyone makes mistakes.. just make sure that she realizes that it was a huge mistake, and it cannot be repeated.. make her realize that everyone has to take responsibility for their actions, and she took the "easy" way out, and help her realize that the "easy way out" may not really be the best, she is probably dealing with lots of guilt, which is good. Don't scold your daughter, she was proabably afraid of disappointing you when it happened, lead her into her own conclusions.. asking questions like.. how do you feel about abortion?? Do you think about the baby?? Do you think it was the right way to go?? Do you think we couldn't have handled it together?? How have you been dealing with your guilt??
2006-09-04 03:28:45 · answer #5 · answered by verito 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my daughter had an abortion when she was 19 shes 23 now and only recently told me. you are right how do we help, well firstly i talked to her about it and the man who made her pregnant...it was important to me and her not to call him the father as it wasnt a child in her but just a foetus. The man would not have made a good father and she would not have been able to support the child as she would want. Common sense prevailed and now she is a well adjusted young woman with an excllent career, a nice new home bought not rented and a fabulous boyfriend who loves and cares and cherishes her.just love her but dont dwell on it too long, tell her it was the right thing to do.
2006-09-04 03:24:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think just the fact that she told you shows that she still values the closeness you share. Your job now as a mother is to listen and support her, even if you don't really agree with what she has done. She still needs you as a mother and friend. Many daughters won't even speak to their mothers about something like that so that should say something about the job you are doing as a mother! Just love her and be there for her. That's really all our children want. Hope that helps!
2006-09-04 03:24:38 · answer #7 · answered by meaghaan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say just be supportive...I would never tell my mother because she would look down on me and let me know it. It happened two years ago and I am sure that all she needs from you is support. Anti-depressants aren't a bad thing and she wouldn't be on them for life. Having an abortion is a tramatic experience and all she needs is support. Just make sure you don't try to tell her how bad of an idea it was, she already knows.
2006-09-04 03:23:47 · answer #8 · answered by jonijuggsoncam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to realize that love god is to love imperfect beings. Loving a perfect child is not a challenge, is easy. she made several mistakes and something you need to help that those mistakes do not make her make even more mistakes. I had a friend that went through the same, the parents would not understand, never forgive her and last time I hear from her she is a stripper (19 years old) and
with a pimp
2006-09-04 04:08:21 · answer #9 · answered by cindy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love her as you always have and support her decision. She has repressed her hurt for 2 years, and may need some professional counseling to deal with her decision and find some closure. Encourage her to get it.
2006-09-04 04:22:55 · answer #10 · answered by Renae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love her that is the most important thing and tell her.It's scary but 80% of teenagers are on the pill it's the only thing left to do.Or get her married.
2006-09-04 03:23:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋