I'm a Chinese (7th grade) and the teacher told us to write an English diary, so I'm wondering can you please help me? Use your way of writing my diary or check if is there any grammar, spelling, phrase that is wrong! I can give you 10 points if u did a good job! You can change or add many difficult or funny words in my diary, make my diary more interesting, and make my diary sound more like Americans.
2006-09-04 02:28:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
Dear Diary,
This is my second day of the trip with Alicia’s family. I woke up really early, because I’m really excited about today. We are going to take a walk around the harbor. It was a long time during the drive, when we arrived, I immediate jumped out of the car. I smelled, the air smelled of salt and dead fish. When I looked down, I saw lots of crumple cans and bottles, which isn’t a good sign. Then I saw several maritime stores and I go in. There were lots of things; I brought chocolate bars, a flashlight, sunglasses and the most important thing, batteries. When I came out, the first thing I saw was the graffiti on the wall. I thought it was beautiful, but then I realize that me shoes are all-sodden. So I kicked my shoe as hard as I could, trying to fling the water in my shoe. After my shoes were all dry, I saw Alex and Alicia were talking on the jetty, so I joined them. I had talked a lot. We talked about what had happened yesterday.
2006-09-04 02:28:37 · update #1
They urged me to follow were ever they go so that I won’t get lost. Finally it was dinnertime, Alicia’s mom took out a grill, and we were going to barbecue! The barbecues were delicious! I was satisfied and happy today, not like yesterday. (Can’t find the way out of the old mine)
2006-09-04 02:29:12 · update #2
Dear Diary,
This is the second day of my trip with Alicia’s family. I woke up really early because I was so excited about today. We were going to take a walk around the harbor. The drive took a long time, and when we got there, I immediately jumped out of the car. The air smelled of salt and dead fish. When I looked down, I saw lots of crumpled cans and bottles, which wasn’t a good sign. Then, I saw several oceanfront stores and went in some of them. There were lots of things for sale. I brought chocolate bars, a flashlight, sunglasses, and the most important thing, batteries. When I came out, the first thing I saw was the graffiti on the wall. I thought they were beautiful, but then I realized that my shoes were all sodden. So I kicked my shoes as hard as I could, trying to get the water out of them. After my shoes were all dry, I saw Alex and Alicia were talking on the jetty, so I joined them. We talked a lot about what had happened yesterday.
13 minutes ago
They urged me to follow wherever they went so that I wouldn't get lost again. Finally it was dinnertime. Alicia’s mom took out a grill, and we started to barbecue. The barbecues were delicious! I was satisfied and happy today, not like yesterday (when I couldn’t find the way out of the old mine.)
I kept most of your words, correcting only some tense mistakes and some punctuation errors. Your English is really quite good.
Hope this meets with your approval. Graffiti, by the way, is plural, so you need to have a plural pronoun and verb referring back to
it ( "I thought THEY WERE beautiful). Was it graffiti, or was it a mural?
2006-09-04 03:39:56 · answer #1 · answered by johnslat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your English is pretty good! Just a few small mistakes, so try the following:
Dear Diary,
This is my second day of the trip with Alicia’s family. I woke up really early, because I was really excited about the day to come. We were going to take a walk around the harbor. It was a long drive and when we arrived I immediate jumped out of the car. I inhaled deeply and the air smelled of salt and dead fish. When I looked down, I saw lots of crumpled cans and bottles, which isn’t a good sign. Then I saw several maritime stores and I went in. There were lots of things to buy; I brought chocolate bars, a flashlight, sunglasses and most important of all - batteries. When I came out, the first thing I saw was the graffiti on the wall. I thought it was beautiful, but then I realized that my shoes are all sodden. So I kicked my shoe as hard as I could, trying to fling away the water in my shoe. After my shoes were dry, I saw Alex and Alicia were talking on the jetty, so I joined them. I talked a lot. We talked about what had happened yesterday.
They urged me to follow wherever they went so that I wouldn't get lost. Finally it was dinnertime. Alicia’s mom took out a grill, and we were going to barbecue! The barbecued food was delicious! I was satisfied and happy today, not like yesterday, when I couldn't find my way out of the old mine.
2006-09-04 09:46:04 · answer #2 · answered by Jackie J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try this...
Dear Diary,
This is my second day of the trip with Alicia’s family. I woke up really early because I’m really excited about today. We took a long walk around the harbor. It was a long drive. When we arrived, I immediate jumped out of the car. I smelled. It smelled of salt and dead fish. When I looked down, I saw lots of crumpled cans and used bottles. It was a sore sight. I also went in side the various stores that lined the harbor. There were lots of interesting things. I bought some chocolate bars, a flashlight, sunglasses and some batteries. When I came out, the first thing I saw was the graffiti on the wall. I thought it was beautiful, but then I realized that my shoes are all wet. So I kicked off my shoes and wrung it to get the water out. After my shoes were all dried, I saw Alex and Alicia talking on the jetty and so, I joined them. We talked a lot. We exchanged stories about what had happened yesterday when I got lost on my way out of the old mine. They urged me to stick close to them so I will not get lost.
Finally it was dinnertime, Alicia’s mom took out a grill and we had barbecue. They were delicious! Alicia’s mom is a great cook!!! I was really happy today.
2006-09-04 09:46:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
for me, i much prefer for informal language in diary piece of essay. so.
Dear Diary,
This is my second day of trip with Alicia’s family. I woke up really early, because I’m utterly excited towards this day. We are going to take a walk around the harbor. it was kinda a long long drive. when we arrived, I jumped out of the car pronto. what the heck, every nook and cranny smelled of those obnoxious salty dead fish. As I looked down, I saw lots of crumple cans and bottles, which sounds sort of really nauseous and beyond description. En route, i went in several maritine stores. There were dazzling array of fab items; I brought few chocolate bars, a flashlight, a pair of sunglasses and the most importantly, some batteries. When I came out, the first thing I saw was the graffiti on the wall. I thought it was spectacular, but then I realize that the shoes are all-sodden. So I kicked my shoes as hard as I could, trying to fling out the water in my shoes.
cool now, the shoes were all dry, I saw Alex and Alicia were talking on the jetty, so I joined them. we have been chatting a lot, a lot about what had happened yesterday.
see if it helps.
hailie.
2006-09-04 09:46:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"This is THE second day of MY trip..." (not my second day of the trip...)
All of the verbs (action words) in a sentence should be in the same tense. So if you say "I woke up really early" (past tense - something that's already happened) you shouldn't follow that with a verb in the present tense (something that's happening now), like "I am really excited". Make both verbs past tense in this sentence.
Instead of "It was a long time during the drive", say "The drive was long" or "The drive took a very long time". That is a sentence in and of itself, so end it with a period.
Change "I smelled, the air smelled of salt and dead fish" to "I sniffed the air. It smelled of salt and rotting fish."
There are some other minor issues, but I'm out of time. I think that your English is great! Try to visit an English-speaking country as an exchange student during high school if you can. Being surrounded by a language and forced to use it every day will help with vocabulary, pronunciation, and understanding of the culture.
2006-09-04 10:25:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
(You Might want to Say this) I IMMEDIATELY jumped out of the car. I SMELLED THE AIR IT SMELLED OF salt and dead fish. When I looked down I saw lots of CRUMPLED cans. Then I saw several maritime stores so I DECIDE TO GO IN.There where lots of things I BOUGHT
things in capital letters is what is changed.
2006-09-04 09:50:36 · answer #6 · answered by jesusrocksmysocks02 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After you're done with it send it to my e-mail and I'll read it...but i'll make your diary sound like British English coz that's the 1 I know...not American...
2006-09-04 09:44:46 · answer #7 · answered by Λиδѓεy™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of person are you that would ask total strangers to analyze your diary? Freak!
2006-09-04 09:43:08 · answer #8 · answered by ♥PurePoison♥ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like a seventh grader wrote it good job .... Keep it up.
2006-09-04 09:46:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Indent when you first start a paragraph. yusogirl@yahoo.com now teach me some chinese !
2006-09-04 09:45:53 · answer #10 · answered by Princess_G 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋