I know someone who takes his daughter's car, cell phone and won't give her any money if she upsets him enough. He did this to her when she was in high school and if I didn't help her, she would not have passed. This is a fact. The lady in the office told me. Now, he's threatening to do this to her in college. I don't feel this is punishment, I feel this is abuse. I am a close relative. I need your opinion.
2006-09-04 01:01:57 · 12 answers · asked by shirlandjerry@yahoo.com 2 in Education & Reference ➔ Higher Education (University +)
If she paid for the car and phone with her own money, the person is committing theft. Call the police.
If it his his car and phone and he lends it to her he has the right to get them back on demand.
her money, his money, the money is a gift unless she earned it and left it in his care.
2006-09-04 01:07:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all, this is not abuse. None of the things you mentioned are a necessity to succeeding in school, high school, or college. It sounds like you interfered with a parent. You give a child things for good behavior and when the are not doing what is expected of them you take away those rewards. You asked for an opinion. You butted your nose in where it didn't belong. Why couldn't she get a job, just as so many other teens do when they want money, phones and cars? If you did this to me, we would have had some serious problems. What is the matter, her dad disapproved of her lifestyle that she wanted? Tattoos, music,the way she dresses? It is dad's money, and most important, it is his daughter. How can you call it abuse. It sounds like she is spoiled. You are teaching her that she doesn't have to pay the consequences for bad behavior. That is long term abuse. You are helping set her up for a hard fall to reality some day. She needs to learn responsibility, and you are not helping. She needs to get herself a job if she wants these things. Who pays for the car? Is it in his name? If so, he has the right to take it away whether you like it or not. That is just life. I see a lot of teens work their butt off. It is called learning to be responsible.
I would have given you a kick in the butt if I were the dad. One other thing to add here. I get the feeling that you are this 19 year old and you are mad and are looking for support. Grow up you spoiled little brat.
2006-09-04 08:25:53 · answer #2 · answered by celticwarrior7758 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the 19 year old is asking the question! Your question lacks some data...If she bought it, pays for it and performs the maintenance on it, she owns it. You don't need a car, cell phone or spending cash to pass any college course!
Hell, my father threatened to pull me out of College and move me home to a local one if I didn't improve my grades. I hated what he was trying to do at the time but he was right, I needed some direction and discipline! At least this 19 year old can't complain that nobody cares about her.
Actually sounds like YOU and this 19 year old need to do some growing up!
2006-09-04 08:25:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No this is perfectly acceptable. You don't know what abuse is. If she was a not so spoiled she would be payting for her own car and cell phone. Isn't driving a shitty car part of growing up? How do you appreciate your first new car if daddy bought you one for sweet sixteen or graduation. Bottom line if you think you kid is screwing up cutting of the money is the only real option there is. Jesus--abuse--she 19 not 9.
2006-09-04 08:14:20 · answer #4 · answered by brooklyn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your definition of abuse is way too broad. Rather than rocking the boat, explain to the 19-year old that she must take responsibility for her actions. If the father pays for the car, the insurance, the cell phone, and supports her financially, then she needs to adhere to his rules.
You may also talk to the father and remind him that at the age of 19, his daughter needs more freedom and the ability to make some decisions on her own. He should not seek to micro-manage her life at this point. Letting go is one of the hardest tasks parents face.
Good luck!
Will D
Enterprise AL
http://www.notagz.com
2006-09-04 08:11:05 · answer #5 · answered by Will D 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do you think that he should beat his daughter instead? Money, a car, and a cell phone are luxuries. If the woman is 19, she really should be paying for all of that herself through her own job and her own money. The fact that its being paid for by her father is a privilage.
2006-09-04 08:05:46 · answer #6 · answered by Joe K 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As long as the girl has enough money to buy necessities (food, clothes and cosmetics) there is no harm. Phones and cars are luxuries, and she wont succumb without them.
On the other hand if she paid for the car and phone with her own money it is theft. But as long as he pays the bills, he's in charge.
2006-09-04 08:11:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anria A 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm 21, and I don't have a car or a cell phone and minimal pocket money, my dad pays for my college and I don't think I'll ever intentionally upset him after all he's done for me. But if I do and he cuts my pocket money, I wouldn't feel so bad.
2006-09-04 08:11:32 · answer #8 · answered by jem 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the father means good & is only doing this to teach her a lesson without physically abusing her, i think he is doing the right thing, & you buy supporting her behind his back are wasting his efforts. If she feels she is old enough & doesn't want this kind of treatement then she should support her self & be independent.
2006-09-04 08:12:16 · answer #9 · answered by Ms_4peace 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is trying to help a 19 yr old learn to "grow-up" considered abuse?
Yes, I think it is okay...she needs to learn a lesson somehow....if other relatives keep bailing her out of situations...she will never learn to stand on her own 2 feet !!
2006-09-04 08:08:31 · answer #10 · answered by shortfrog 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋