Is it impolite to ask a man if he's homosexual (read details)?

Question

These are the circumstances:
1) You meet this dashingly fine young man, with a slightly feminine appeal to him.
2) He, already looking slightly feminine, blows kisses to people and speaks in a feminine way (i.e. saying things like "like, OMG" or something)
3) He doesn't flirt with anyone seriously, and you may or may not be interested in him... but he seems gay.
4) You can't tell if he's interested in you (female) or not, or just men, because he, again, does not flirt with anyone. or even mention his status.
5) So... now the facts: you think he may be strictly gay, but are not sure. He's feminine, but he might just be metro or something.

So you want to ask if he's gay to be sure if you are reading the right signals and so you won't make him uncomfortable by flirting if he's not interested in women at all... so is it acceptable to blatantly ask if he's interested in men?

I'm not sure. I wouldn't ask outright, but it'd be a whole lot easier to avoid awkwardness after.

response to Everybody Still Loves Chris:
but what if you think he's flirting with you, but it's more play-flirting... and you're not sure. So if you don't ask, then you might think it's real flirting (if he IS gay)-- or the opposite. you might think he's gay but he's not and he's trying to get you to take him seriously.

wow i hope you got that. cuz i'm rereading it now and what i typed in this detail thing doesn't make sense much. lol. thanks for answering!!! yay.

omg. men can act feminine and still be straight.

right?

right. i think so at least... hm..

hahaha daft.

but uhm... i don't know-- you could wait forever and still not know unless you ask, right?

Trinity: I totally agree with you, but what if... you don't know if he's "out" yet or not?

That's basically my scenario. If you think he may be out, but if you ask, it's almost like outing him yourself... gah. *pouts* okay i'll just wait for more responses...

Answer 1

If someone asked me if I was gay and it was completely by surprise and out of context with a conversation, I would be taken aback by it. If you know this person quite well, and you prepare him for your question, then I think it would be okay, but I would preface it with something like, "I had a good time last night with my friend Joe ... Do you date much?" Something neutral like that. Bring yourself into the conversation first. Don't act like you are interrogating him.

It sounds as though you might like this man as more than a friend. One thing you might ask, instead of asking about his orientation is, "Do you see our friendship developing into something else?" See what kind of answer you get.

If you were a man, and knew this fellow quite well as a platonic friend, I personally would recommend that you be more direct.

I can tell that you like this person a lot (either as a cherished platonic friend or as a possible boyfriend) and this question you have is eating at you. Once again, ask him if you must to relieve stress from yourself, but be gentle and get into it in a neutral way at first. Good luck to both of you.

Answer 2

This question is LONGGGGGG!!! The fact is that there are many guys out there who act feminine and are actually straight. For these guys theis question would be upsetting and probably even insulting. However there are gay men who don't mind telling others about there sexuality while some do. It is true that actions speak louder than words but this is not always the case. So option 1. Just accept him as a friend until he is ready to tell you?
2. After weighting your options and you feel you have more to gain, actually knowing the answer, just ask him!!
3. Forget his sexuality and accept him for a person whether gay or straight. Wish yah luck!!!

Answer 3

I have a very good gay friend who when I met him was in the closet. He flirted notoriously with me. I thought he was attracted to me. I never once thought he was gay. Even if a guy flirts with you does not mean they are straight. This guy is not flirting with you. He's not hitting on you or making passes at you. He's effeminate and gives no clue of his sexuality. Because he's gay. Anyway, if you have to ask a guy if he's gay you probably should just be friends. It doesn't sound like there is any chemistry between you. You just have a crush on him. Just let it be. And no it's not polite to ask someone you really don't know if they are gay. That is not information that everyone needs to know. That's a very personal matter. It can cause problems for people. The world is still very much homophobic.

Answer 4

Wow, you really aren't sure where he is coming from? It is a little more than obvious that this is a Gay man your dealing with. His "flirting" is more likely a attempt to establish a friendship with you. It is very common that younger gay men react with flirting when they attracted to women as friends. They have not yet discovered the difference in expressing affection yet. So I am assuming he is younger, like early 20's?

It is never a good idea to involve yourself with gay man who not become comfortable with own sexual identity yet, if this is the case. It will lead to nothing but misery for you both. If you two were to become friends however, it can be the most satisfying of friendships for you, and you will always get honest answer to "Is my butt too big in these pants"?

Answer 5

It depends on your relationship with the man and how you feel about gayness.

If you feel you have a friendhip with the guy then there should be no problem with asking him. It's likely that if he's a bit feminine, he's been asked many times before anyways.

But if you believe there is nothing wrong or negative with being a gay human being, then don't concern yourself with his view of it. Ask him like its the most normal question you could possibly ask - like asking if he's left handed or right handed.

If he turns out not to be gay and is upset that you asked, apologize for being nosy but don't apologize for considering the possibility. If you believe gay people are equal, there's absolutely no shame in being considered one or considering someone else one. :)

Good luck!

Answer 6

Is it impolite to ask a man if he is a homosexual? Is it impolite to ask a man if he is rich?

He could be a mama's boy and he may be tied to her apron strings. She may have an effect on how he dresses and behaves.

If you know him well enough as a friend, ask; "Do you have a steady girlfriend or are you playing the field not ready to settle down?" But only if the conversation you are in with him lends itself to just a question. You could be in a group in which he is in and the conversation may turn to the subject of dating and that may be a good time to ask.

Now would you think it's alright for you to be dippy about whether he is loaded with dough? If you would not out and out ask him; "Hey man, are you loaded with money?" Well then don't out and out say, "Hey man are you a homosexual?"

Answer 7

It depends.
Usually people out of the closet are much nicer about it.
Maybe he's not; so just wait for him to volunteer the info.
It also depends on how comfortable you think he might feel after asking.
Maybe he's Bi. You'll never know. Some men seem more feminine, but doesn't neccessarily mean their gay.

Answer 8

Yes, it's impolite.
Sexual orientation all it says about a person is whether they prefer guys or girls for sex or as a partner.

I would not ask someone a woman that I think its straight,"Do you like having sex with men or do you like men?:"

I don't see why would you want to know his sexual orientations. If you like, he would kwon once you hit on him. At that point might tell you or just say he's not interested or he might say he's seeing some one- And if its a guy or girl.

Answer 9

I for one would not ask. Maybe he is, maybe he's not. He may just not be interested in you for another reason. I am not trying to be rude at all. But look at it this way, you would get seriously bent if every man that was interested in you wanted to know if you were a lesbian just because you weren't into them. It just seems rude doesn't it?

Answer 10

As you get to know him, ask him about romance. Is he in love? Has he ever been? If he wants you to know, he'll tell you. If he doesn't it's not polite to ask. Certainly if you absolutely cannot restrain yourself, do it in private and say it kindly. Something like, "I've known you for a while, and I think we really get along, but you've never asked me out. Is it me, or don't you like girls?"