I have a male friend that is 15yrs older then me. I am a 42yr professional working women and he is a 57yr businessman. I am starting to think he just looks at me as a kid with a big crush. Every time I bring up commitment questions he avoids them. We have a lot in common that we both talk about all time. This friend has been very supportive in many areas in my life so I know he cares about me and have fell in love with him for just that reason. But, it hurts when he keeps avoiding the questions about moving to the next level. We have been friends for almost 2yrs talking just about everyday. Should I play the not interested game and avoid him or take it for what it is that he only see me as a friend in nothing more and move on?
2006-09-03 22:58:24 · 10 answers · asked by LUVUFIRST 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
At both your ages, he should not be looking at you as a kid. I think he is not looking for commitment because at his age, realistically, he has what, about 10-15, or if he's lucky, 20 or so more years more to live? Really, unless he has taken exceptional lifelong care of himself - no smoking, drinking, hotdogs or bacon, getting much past 70 is gravy for most men. I'm wildly guessing of course, but he probably wants to just hang loose and see a variety of women before the end of his days.
Also, not to be harsh, but the internet affords us the luxury of being blunt, but are you - how do I put it - easy on the eyes? Are you sexually attractive, and that's probably a hard thing to self assess because we all should THINK we are beautiful, and beauty is in the eyes of the beholder yada yada... and if he is a good loking dude, a man of financial means can be getting play from 20 and 30 somethings. He can jet down to the Bahamas or Jamaica to a Club Med and get his Hedonism freak on, and be back at his desk on Monday, preferring to keep his stateside persona quiet and conservative.
Bottomline, if it's eating you up that he is NOT eating you up, you have to tell him, and not just to have him think he has to throw you a bone for a sex session or two. Oh, wait, you wrote that you have tried and he avoids it, oh then there's your answer. If you two are talking just about everyday for 2 years and you haven't knocked one out of the park just to break the ice on the sexual tension front, it sounds like he is where he wants to be. Also, make sure you aren't one ofthose woimen that are blind to a man being gay - that sounds like a lot of phone time for a straight man. If you two go shoe shopping too, old boy is on the pink team! But if he sees people (that is, women), and hopefully you are seeing people, you are in "the friend zone". I personally feel that heterosexual men and women can only be friends if they, one, do not find each other attractive enough to be tempted, and two, if they are both getting their sexual and emotional needs filled elsewhere. Otherwise it is usually one of thetwo lying in wait, hoping the other sees the light. Usually it's the man in the on deck circle, hoping to get a shot when the woman's boyfriend slips. Looks like this time, it's you in the batter's box.
If you cannot handle the status quo and need to cut him off entirely, you should do so, but it sounds like it's you that will be suffering for it. It's the classic: "Can't live with him, can't live without him."
2006-09-04 00:23:14 · answer #1 · answered by Andre1998 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this question isn't the easiest i've answered, but i'll try to help the best i can. First off, just because you 2 have known each other for 2 years doesn't mean he wants to be in a relationship with you. Believe me i'm not trying to be hurtful. Some guys just want to be friends. Secondly, what's his story? Was he married? Divorced? You need to help me with this...i can give you more incite, but i need more info. The thing is to not play any games. Games will end up to hurt your friendship, and i'm sure you don't want to do that. Find out more about this guy...i mean he hasn't poured his soul out to you. Then see what happens after that. Hope I was at least helpful in some extent.
2006-09-03 23:14:25 · answer #2 · answered by clownkilling 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both are matured. You need to Analise and understand really what kind of relationship you are having with him and the basis of that relationship.
Once you draw the clear and logical mental picture(unbiased) by analyzing all the verbal and non verbal communication. You shall be arriving at a rational conclusion.
2006-09-03 23:09:53 · answer #3 · answered by Abhijit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
does the word "determination" ring a bell to you.? you're professional working woman, right? so why don't you try to get straight to business with him and tell his that you love him, and see to it that he's serious. but if he ever try to swing it off with another question or trying to give an unrelated comply is possibly he's lack of confidence in commitment which i might give you two option;
1) continue your long and gentle determination "business", who know's that he's gonna sign-in "the contract" sooner or later, or.
2) cool it back down and try to be friends again.
but i'll give my vote on option (1).
good luck.
2006-09-03 23:33:34 · answer #4 · answered by marxice21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what has love got to do with age check out elizbeth taylor
2006-09-03 23:01:32 · answer #5 · answered by Snifer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at ur age, both of u r quite mature and age gap would hardly matter.
2006-09-03 23:13:20 · answer #6 · answered by Kumar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GO FOR HIM! IT! he is being an OLD silly SNIT!! Tell HIM you love him and what ever happens will happen
2006-09-03 23:03:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
my chick is 23...that's 17 years between us and sha wants no one else...
2006-09-03 23:00:38 · answer #8 · answered by middleshoes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
VERRRRRRRRRRRRRY LONG QUESTION TO READ
2006-09-03 23:00:29 · answer #9 · answered by sardar p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep it up!!!!!!! No prob
2006-09-03 23:02:25 · answer #10 · answered by I am in Having a Relapse 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋