Do you think some personality types are incapable of romantic love?

Question

Someone once told me that I would never be in love unless I made some major personality changes. Maybe she said that because I am not very emotional or trusting. I admit, I've never been in love and usually prefer to follow my head than my heart. That blind, possessive and irrational form of love that some people covet isn't desirable to me.

I'm not an insecure person, but when someone says something like that to you, it makes you think about yourself. What do you think? Are some types of people simply excluded from love?

Answer 1

I don't think so. I really think there may be several perfect matches for each of us out there. The more you have your head together the more attractive you should be. Once you set up the rational details of a relationship you may be even more at liberty to explore the more romantic aspects of a love affair.
I think the person may have been trying to put you down because she was not getting the response she wanted. It may have had little to do with your ability to show emotion.
Time to move on.

Answer 2

I think everyone is capable of love (romantic and other kinds). Love is for all people. There are no exceptions to this rule. However, there may be many different kinds of love and different ways of loving. Who is to say which is the right way to love or what is the best way to love? You should find your own way to love and be true to yourself.

You wrote "That blind, possessive and irrational form of love that some people covet isn't desirable to me." That's ok - that's you. You don't have to conform to someone else's idea of love.

You wrote "Someone once told me that I would never be in love unless I made some major personality changes. Maybe she said that because I am not very emotional or trusting."

I think this person had some issues with you, although you don't say what your relationship with this person was. However, you may feel that she had a valid point since you think you are not very emotional or trusting. Being emotional is just a part of someone's personality - everyone has different levels of emotions - who is to say how emotional someone must be to fall in love? All kinds of people fall in love (emotional and not so emotional).

Now trust - this is important. However, even if you are not so trusting, all is not lost. You can work on this part of your personality - try to find out what your fears are regarding trust - fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of intimacy, fear of betrayal - these fears are involved in the issue of trust. Also, trust involves your feelings about being able to trust yourself with the other person as well.

I think that you can learn and be open and find your own way to love and you do not have to conform to anyone's idea of what love is and how to love.

Good luck!

Answer 3

If they are terminally excluded from love, it is only because they have chosen to be. I can't see why someone would have an instant feeling of distrust towards someone attracted to them unless they have either already loved and lost, hard, or have a wounded intellect that makes everyone suspect to them. Intelligent people love too. Wisely and well most often. You don’t have to go for someone looking for the typical modern wham bam, instalove with the usual in out goodbye. It's still ok to romance, to be romanced, and see if the person is the one you’re looking for. Love is great, and it feels better than anything else there is. I'd hate to think anyone out there is turning their back on it completely.

Answer 4

I think, for starters, you have to redefine for yourself "romantic love". It doesn't necessarily have to involve being irrational, blind and possessive. It can be less ridiculous than that. Having said that, though.....

I think the way it usually works is that the well adjusted person lives life following his/her head, but once in a while someone may meet someone who makes them maybe deviate a little and follow their heart a little more than he/she otherwise might.

I do think, though, its very possible that many people are not capable of a particular type of romantic love. I think many people kind of "fluff up" the degree of romantic love that they like to see in their relationships, which could be why the divorce rate is as high as it is.

I know its entirely possible for people to have the right relationship, but it would seem the two people would have to be similar in their views of love. There is one lie that has been told by "the world", though, for years; and that is that a person should marry his best friend. A relationship has to be more romantic than "best friends" because sometimes best friends can be so alike it can turn into a rivalry of one sort or another when it comes to any number of things in life.

Years ago I read a book by a woman named (if I remember correctly), Eva Person (I think). In it she analyzed romantic love,
which, in itself was interesting and appeared to make sense. (She had studied up. It wasn't just some woman's opinion.) The thing that stood out and that I have always remembered is this: She pointed out that in her studies of romantic love she found that there had to be two things present - respect and admiration for the other person. This is what differentiated some of the unhealthy, possessive, "love" from what was really romantic love.
Maybe you just haven't met the person you can admire and respect, as well as be attracted to romantically. Obviously, the more mature a person is or the more "thinking" a person is, the more difficult it could be to meet someone who he/she can admire and respect.

It isn't so much a question of what "other people covet" (which may not be quite right), but whether or not romantic love exists (yes, it does - based on what that Person-woman discovered in her research) and whether some people (namely, you) are excluded from it.

Maybe you aren't at all excluded from it. Maybe its really not as common as some people either believe or pretend it is. Maybe it is rare enough that meeting the right person is a little trickier.

Are there people who are just excluded from it? Probably, although it would seem more likely that if people understood it the way the author of that book did it would be clear that much of what is called "romantic love" isn't really, so the people who haven't yet run into it aren't any different from many of the people who call their own not-quite-perfectly-romantic relationships "romantic love". I suspect there's the chance that the right person would make you feel as if you could be a little more emotional and a lot more trusting.

So, my guess, as far as an answer to your question goes, is that some people may be excluded from love but a certain percentage of those are probably only excluded as a result of not meeting the right person rather than his or her personality. (Ms. Person addressed in her book the issue of blind, possessive, and irrational love; and her conclusion was that these things, by themselves, aren't even love; and in extremes aren't love either.)

Many people believe the lie that it (in its right form) doesn't exist and they settle for their best friends or a nice-enough relationship because they think that's as good as it can be. Some of them infuse a little romance, and maybe it works out ok. Some of them just accept that romance doesn't exist for most people.

I would rather believe that real romantic love does exist and is rare, and if it never shows up in someone's life that has to be ok (after all, not everyone has everything in this world); because I think that believing it doesn't exist (again, the real kind) is probably as misguided as believing in the ridiculous kind you mentioned.

Maybe you - like many people - are a tougher customer when it comes to romantic love, but as long as you're human and not mentally ill you're probably not completely immune.

Answer 5

Yes. I also agree with you.
Infact, those who claim to be in love are not sure what exactly love is.

Not loving someone does not mean one is inhuman.

Those who are logical and focused on goals can remain happy without falling in 'love'.

Not loving someone does not mean the person does not have healthy interpersonal relationship or friends or family / spouse.

Answer 6

i think we might be related! lol i also feel like i cant "love" like im suppose to.....been with a lot of nice good guys,but i just havent been able to be happy....maybe we are picky,maybe there is a "right 1" maybe we do need to change who knows!!!

Answer 7

Yes a true psychopath would find it impossible to love as we Non psychopathic types do ...
This is a very complex subject to much for here to discuss

Answer 8

Yeah ur absolutely right!!!!!!