Is there some deep-rooted psychological reason that my older sister is so mean to me, her younger brother?

Question

Ever since childhood, my sister, who is 2 1/2 years older than me, has been bossy, condescending, always saying I am wrong, and the other person is right, irregardless of the truth. She is one of the most ungrateful people I know toward me, but nice to other people. I do SO MUCH to help her, but she NEVER says thank you. I even help her financially if she needs it, but stilll no thank you. We are not kids anymore, she is 57 and I am 54. I was a well-respected school teacher, and am very financial secure compared to her. I know she resents my retirement with a full pension. But why has she been this way for her ENTIRE life? Does she have some deeply rooted psychological problem, or am I the problem? I try my best to treat her with love and respect, but it's getting hard to do so. She keeps telling me that I'm the problem, not her. What is going on? Will she ever stop acting like a 15 year old brat? Any suggestions on what I should/could do? Why do you think she acts this way?

Answer 1

No matter your sisters age, your sister will always be mean to you.

Most sisters and mean, overspoiling most likely.

But your problem is a bigger than the average :|

Answer 2

It seems to me that you feel that you have something to do with this and it's your responsibility to fix it. It's not. You have the choice to feel bad about it all or rise above it and just accept that that is how your sister is. She's a grown woman stuck in a role she's had all her life and she can choose to rise above it, or not. There are sooo many potential psychological reasons for how she's behaving, but knowing won't help you in any way. What will help you is remembering that you have a choice in how you will act and how you will see it all.

I suspect that after 54 years of feeling small and incompetent and however you have felt with her comments, there's a part of you that actually believes that she may be right (evidenced by your "or am I the problem?"). You don't have to let her have that power over you. Know that everything condescending or demeaning that comes from her and is directed at you actually has nothing to do with you. It's how she sees and is choosing to act. You can see it all and choose how to act, too.

OTOH, there may be ways for you to better express yourself to her without 'giving in' or potentially flying off the handle. Check out the book Nonviolent Communication. It will give you a tool to expressing your needs and potentially having her open up to expressing her own. It may not do anything on her end, but at least you'll have done your part.

Answer 3

Well-- I know my older sister and I were really jealous of our little brother when he was born. Suddenly he was getting all the attention, and it was a different kind of attention, it sort of felt like..."oh thank god we have a boy this time". Could that be it? If not, she may resent you for something else that occurred when you were younger, because she's been acting this way her entire life

I sincerely think if you've been that great to your sister, talk to her about it and give her another shot-- and if she's incapable of growing up (even though she's 57), try not to spend as much time around her, she may realize just how great you've been.

Answer 4

I'd say you hit the nail on the head. Even if you were a royal pain in the butt to her when you were a little kid, she should have gotten over it by the time she turned 25. She may have thought that your parents favored you because you were a boy or younger. She needs to realize that when things get tough, sometimes family is all you have.

She made her life choices and you made yours - she has no right to be mad that you were more successful. She may see your efforts to help her as interference or gloating on your part - even if she needs it.

Either try family counseling (together or alone) or spend as little time with her as possible. Having negative people in your life is a drag.

Answer 5

I think it's a comination of being spiteful and mentally ill. She's jealous of whatever it is you have that she doesn't. Come right out and ask her what her problem is and see how she responds.

Odds are that you are just her brother and she thinks that she can treat you like that or she just has her own issues. I'm thinking she probably has her own issues since she takes help from you. (She doesn't hate you that much if she accepts you help)

If she opens up to you suggest she find a therapist to talk to and if she already has one suggest that you two might go see someone together because you want to have a closer relationship. If that's what you want of course.

Answer 6

This could be caused by sibling rivalry that occurs when one or both sibling compete all through their lives to better each other. Talk to her and explain how is makes you feel when she never appreciates your acts of kindness. All the best

Answer 7

yes she is like that because even when she was a child u were born and your parents must have devoted more time with u. they must have loved u more than her. for every thing they must have said she is younger than u so u should share ,give her and so on. she must have found neglected. so she is like that

Answer 8

man you are how old? i thought you were going to say 15/....17 years old..........why are you still not standing up for yourself...geesss man....tell her to bug off.....you seem like you have always had your stuff together,,,which could have always bothered her....you are old enough now to tell her....take a hike....being a teacher...would you let your students do that to you....

Answer 9

I think your sister has some serious issues. Try talking to her about how you feel.

Answer 10

She was top dog until you were born!
or it could be penis envy!