What do you make of an unprincipled coward who refuses to make a stand -- or even take a position -- in virtually every aspect of his sad existence? This is a "man" who allows others to walk all over him, happily taking orders and otherwise bowing and scraping his way through life. This same person is a confirmed fence-sitter, always remaining out of any debates or disagreements no matter what might be at stake.
Depending on what you make of our subject, consider this bizarre turn of events. This same craven individual recently saw fit to hop off his "safe and secure" fence only to attack one who had been his friend. It was the quintessential stab in the back, both unexpected and unprovoked. Now, what would be this worm's motivation in choosing to stab a trusted friend in the back? Was it because he felt comparatively safe in attacking an unwary friend rather than confronting a dangerous foe? What is the psychology behind such a vile act? Feelings of inadequacy? Passive-Aggressive?
2006-09-03 20:50:48 · 13 answers · asked by MacSteed 7 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Mac,
These are questions your onetime friend should be asking himself, if he can. Honestly, I don’t understand why he’d choose to act in such an insensitive, crass, and patronizing manner. Also, since he was well aware of at least some of the challenges you’re facing right now, I’d have expected quite the opposite approach: one of support, sympathy, certainly understanding… or, at the very least, simple silence. Perhaps that’s why I personally find his choice so shocking, so disappointing, so deplorable. I truly can’t fathom his motives... but these are not the actions of a friend.
I wish your (former) friend would have taken the time to analyze the situation. Even now he should be making an earnest self-assessment, truly stopping and considering his (mis)conduct. There are times in every life when we disappoint, even fail, our friends. Usually, however, once the pain we’ve caused is apparent, we (hopefully) have the honor and integrity to regret our hasty words and actions. We make a sincere effort to amend our own lack of insight and empathy, instead of finding fault with our friends’ reactions to our own poor conduct.
I don’t have any respect for people who resort to the “blame the victim” mentality in masking their own behaviors – behaviors which should rightly shame them. I’ve probably long overestimated the character of the individual(s) at play here. Perhaps, for this person, feelings of shame and regret are not even possible. Indeed, I have it on good authority that he never apologizes, no matter how egregious his words and actions. Judging by some of the indignant, self-righteous and very nasty answers you’ve received to your question, I sadly have the growing realization this is true of others, as well.
A note to openurmind and yitka: Fortunately, I don’t know either of you. Judging by the vitriolic tenor and tone of your despicable posts, I don’t ever care to change that circumstance. I do know, however, that you, openurmind, had until recently been considered a friend of Mac’s, and as such you were privy to his recent cancer diagnosis. So, knowing this, you decide to toss a twisted variation on the word “cancer” into your response here?! And sagebella (someone I thought I knew), you’re thanking her?! What sort of people are you?! Maybe, unlike me, you have had no personal experience with cancer, and therefore cannot relate, let alone empathize. Still, I am stunned by your complete lack of basic humanity. “Shameful” doesn’t even BEGIN to describe it… For your own sakes, may you NEVER have friends like yourselves in times of need. And if you ever do, I won’t pity you, either.
P.S. Mac has likely forgotten more about what it takes to be a true KNIGHT than you and your "hero" will ever even begin to comprehend.
2006-09-04 14:35:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 44⤊ 30⤋
Working on what you have mentioned, I can only imagine that this man has no backbone whatsoever if he is content in letting other people make a stand on important matters and while realising he can make a difference by voicing his thoughts, refuses to do so. I admit, I am a fence-sitter on occasions, but only in extreme cases like when my nieces are arguing about something and come to me for a solution. In such a case, I cannot possibly choose one over the other, simply because I love them dearly.
However, in matters involving honour, one's principles, beliefs, and doing what is right, I always make my position clear. Trying hard to view this from the said person's perspective, his refusal could be due to his inability to form an opinion and sticking by it. Standing by what you believe in requires courage, a trait he may well lack. Hence the easier route to take is to become a fence-sitter, observing the outcome and going with the flow, so to speak.
The attack you speak of is one I call betrayal. Who can fathom what his real motivations are? One thing is crystal clear, though, he was never a friend in the first place. He probably feels safe attacking a friend whose weaknesses (some, at least) he has discovered. An unknown adversary, on the other hand, poses a far greater danger and challenge, an undertaking he cannot take. Feelings of inadequacy? Most likely. Cowardly? Very.
As I have mentioned to you before, Mac, I am not surprised at what so-called friends are capable of doing. I have been betrayed by 'friends' before and have become wiser from it. No doubt, you will too, from this experience. True friends are gems; once found never let them go.
2006-09-04 22:49:56 · answer #2 · answered by reformed_witch 4 · 40⤊ 30⤋
WOW.. seems like there is more "Mac having problems afoot",
I can understand that Mac has troubles, and it affects him deeply, but "the Mac" that I knew once upon a time, "the knight" would never have said THESE things about a true friend that wasn't affected by Mac's personal plight when he wanted him to be and therefore gave a neutral stance on an issue of Mac..
This is all very very sad to me.
I even reread some of the MAC answers to see if this wasn't someone posing as MAC, stealing his name and ID to have put forth these harsh words against a friend that has his own mind and opinion on how to handle such situations in Y!A ....
Here's how I remember the REAL Mac, when he gave a GOOD answer and added something of value to Y!A, not these types of questions that are set JUST to make a personal point about having others attack you for who you are, placing a friend in this position to defend his own ego!:
Question? by Coralicious
Do you have many friends that usually have an opinion opposite of your own? I do, and it keeps me always looking at the other side of everything. It's good.
BEST ANSWER? Awarded to Mac, a very thoughtful reply of:
Not just friends but close family, as well, yes. Opinions are just that: opinions. They should not be confused with facts nor should they result in hostility and hatred. Mature adults can disagree without being disagreeable and a friendship lost over a difference of opinion mustn't have been much of a friendship to begin with.
The other critical point (which you and a few of your answerers have already raised) is that looking at an issue from another person's perspective -- particularly when that viewpoint and yours are in complete opposition -- can be very healthy, nurturing, even instructive. The quintessential food for thought.
One of the most effective forms of debate is to consider the opposing side of the argument form all angles and prepare yourself accordingly. The reason this is so effective (and informative) is that it causes you to literally see the issue from a perspective not your own. This can either strengthen your own purpose and resolve or make you think twice about your position and possibly look at the issue again. It's all good.
But again, the key to maintaining friendships with those with whom we disagree on issues of politics, religion, whatever is to be civil in our discourse. Never take things personally or make the disagreements themselves personal. Avoid ad hominem arguments at all costs and keep the peace. We don't all have to agree on everything. Life would be pretty dull if we did.
Vive la différence!
((This given full credit to MAC, since I am certain he wants all due credit for his answer)).
--------------------------------------------------------------
If this is a Mac imposter, please give it up, or be MAN enough to admit that THIS question is absolutely against this BEST ANSWER RESPONSE that was received.
And NOW onward to give a full reply to your question as I know that you speak of one of my friends, but do not use his name.
Unprincipled coward?.. No, so untrue, just because he doesn't want to fight YOUR battle for/with you, does not make him unprincipled, it Just makes him of no use to YOU. (( And THAT, by all means, is VERY principled by his own standards!))
Doesn't take a position?.. Yes, he did, it JUST didn't mesh with what you wanted to hear, and so you are against HIM for only that reason.
Sad existance??... Oh I beg to differ, he has wonderful things in his life, and so many other things to look forward to -- being JUST who he is, and he has won over a wonderful heart and will be eternally happy because of 'he is who he is'. I may even say you admire that about this person, but are afraid to admit it.
Having others walk all over him??.. NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!!....Is that what's got your goat??.. You tried to walk all over him and he said, "No Way Jose.. not for me?" Gimme a break, you have a better mind than that! Get Over This and let this GO ---------- for once in your life, let one GO!!!!!!!
Fence sitter, staying out of debates?.. Nahhh.. No way... he stands for something better than your personal issues... no holds barred, he's a good guy, you're just upset and bashing him out of your upset.
What you make of OUR Subject?.. You mean our wonderful friend Ptza? (scammbled to protect the INNOCENT)...
Bizarre turn of events?.. 'How Bizarre... How bizarre'... WOOPS a song popped into my head.. LOL..
Ok THIS isn't bizarre, you have turned friends against friends MANY times before, this is actually expected in the 'realm of MAC', to be eveything YOU expect friends to be, and if they say ANY LITTLE thing that makes you offended, they are now NOT worthy of your friendship... That's NOT bizarre, that's the NORM with you, and you need to stop making all of the chaos for every person you befriend in Yahoo... it's a BUMMER .....and makes Yahoo Answers a bummer for anyone who every thought you WERE a real friend... STOP the madness MAC!...
Attack a friend??.. NEVER.. not HIS style... if attack means not align himself to your needs, then you are going to be attacked so many times in your life that YOU BETTER wear a suit of Armor!
Stab in the back??? OH WOW... I can't EVEN begin to say how WRONG that is!...
The knife that stabbed you was your OWN, you have impaled yourself with it MANY times and bleed out for sympathy from anyone who will listen,
Give over dude!.. Grow a tougher skin for Christ sakes... and quit saying everyone that was a friend has attacked you.. they HAVEN'T.. you just THINK they have 'in your mind' to feel rejection and hurt when you need to feel pain... put the knife down already!.. Quit CUTTING off friends!!!!!!!
Worm's motivation? Let's see..First, he's not a worm and you've done this in the past, so many times that even your tried and true friends grow weary from hearing it... they worry for you ... they worry that whatever you need is not going to be met, and they are tired from contsatantly seeing "the battle of MAC"... so he says, "Enough, no one is hurting me, I haven't caused any one pain or troubles or insult in Yahoo Answers, therefore, I don't have to be in the situation and fight for this person who HAS insulted many people in here that he thinks are below him"....
Dangerous Foe?.. Nah.. you just pissed him off, and now he wants to see you gone... he doesn't like your style and has friends that will back him up... JUST LIKE YOU DO!
Feelings of inadequacy in your friendship???.
SURE!!!... ABSOLUTELY!!.. You have given SO little to anyone that has ever called you friend, yet, you ask so much anytime you feel the need. And never return the ear (in my experience) , you yammer on about YOU.. and never consider that you ARE actually speaking to a REAL LIFE person that has their OWN agenda, and it ISN'T the same as yours!
Psychology? Give it up.. it's not working for you.. or you would NEVER have posted THIS question for the pure purpose of causing a friend to feel bad over his own honest OPINION.. (Opinions.. they are like as*holes, ya know.. and you are being one)
LOL.. scary land, you'll get YOUR dose of the MAC.. I bet ya a Bunch, you MUST be a newby friend.. Good luck!! :)
But seriously, MAC.. if you are battling Cancer.. you REALLY should seek out the best physicians.. not yahoo answers for comfort in right now in life.
2006-09-04 21:47:45 · answer #3 · answered by Craptacular Wonderment 6 · 30⤊ 44⤋
Yitka is a personal friend of mine. I was visiting her when we read your question. I was so amazed when I realized WHO you were talking about that I answered your question. When I got home, I realized that the answer was under Yit's ID. Although she agrees 100% with what I wrote, I do wish to go on record as the person who wrote it.
2006-09-04 16:10:51 · answer #4 · answered by openurmind 3 · 30⤊ 44⤋
Thank you Yitka. I find it difficult to even be on this page. My heart hurts. The vehemence can be hard to take. But the fact that someone out there had the strength to defend, this actually very good man... well it helps.
I couldn't have said - what all that you did, don't even know that I would have, but must no matter how much it pains me to be here, say thanks.
2006-09-04 14:04:03 · answer #5 · answered by sagebella 5 · 30⤊ 44⤋
Low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy and something unresolved anger-wise (probably NOT against you).
2006-09-04 14:02:25 · answer #6 · answered by frenchy62 7 · 30⤊ 30⤋
Your childish fit, this rant, tells more about YOU than it does your former friend. You advertise yourself as a knight, yet you continually scream and cry at the slightest, and I mean slightest, hint of a lack of 100% support and loyalty to you. You create most of your problems, you are addicted to crisis, you are gifted, yet you use your gifts to lash out at others. You have, yet again, completely blown a benign statement into a giant sword which you have thrown yourself upon. You alone drew your own blood and now you run through Yahoo, frantically crying that you (once again) have been unfairly, unjustly hurt. You hurt yourself. This time, the cut you made, the "cancer" you excised, was one of the best people you could ever hope to know. The "worm" the "man" is full of grace, love, kindness and is more of a true KNIGHT in his heart then you could ever hope to be.
2006-09-04 13:03:46 · answer #7 · answered by Yitka 2 · 32⤊ 46⤋
This is strange I am sure the guy you are talking about is a man who sure knows how to act at different circumstances. But with a little bit of communication, care and guidance specially from those who are more close to this guy can bring drastic change in him.Good Luck
2006-09-04 05:17:11 · answer #8 · answered by Dino 2 · 32⤊ 30⤋
Yoy have just describbed most successful executives to a te. Where have you been they are everywhere the fact that this surprised you means you are niave. If this person works the same place you do stay away, cuz he will use you for his own success. You need to change your definition of friend. Pick someone who needs you and has similar interests and then help that person.
2006-09-04 04:15:18 · answer #9 · answered by icheeknows 5 · 30⤊ 32⤋
This person sounds like the devil himself.
I hope you're as critical of yourself as you are of him.
2006-09-04 04:04:36 · answer #10 · answered by abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz 6 · 30⤊ 36⤋