My kids are 4 and 8, and were special needs kids we adopted less than a year ago. My husband left 6 months after the adoption, and I still struggle with what to tell the kids as to why they do not live with both thier mom and dad now. They see thier dad occassionally, and he calls once in a while, but they both wish we still lived together.
My ex moved out while I was working, and left us without a car, no money, and has simply moved on. I don't want to say bad things about him, because they will find out on thier own some day what type of person he is, but in the meantime, they still ask. HELP!
2006-09-03 19:52:37 · 16 answers · asked by little1missy1234 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh boy.
I have the same problem with my little 6 yr old. When my ex and I split up and he left she had such a hard time with it.
That has been about 2 yrs ago and still asks questions about where her daddy is.
At first I told her that he was a work which was true in away because that is why we split up is because he was having to work un Godly hours and was never home.
Then I gradually started telling her that since daddy has to work so much that he had to get a house in town close to work.
And now the questions are few and far between (thank God) and I tell her the truth that daddy doesn't live here any more but mommy will always be here for her.
My suggestion is to tell the the truth but as minimally as possible, just enough at the moment to pacify them. But make sure that you tell them that daddy still loves them and will see them when he can. Let them ask HIM questions when he sees them.
Do not bad mouth their father in any way otherwise it will come back to bite you in the ***.
As they get older start telling them more and more when they ask questions. Like, I'm sorry baby but daddy and I just didn't get along any more and we thought it would be best if he didn't live here any more. But that doesn't mean that daddy doesn't love you or that he is mad at you for any reason. (something like that)
Gradually your ex will show his true colors to the kids and they will make their own decisions and their hearts will tell them the truth about their feelings about daddy.
2006-09-08 16:40:31 · answer #1 · answered by ETxYellowRose 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My thoughts are with you. He has left you in a helluva predicament. I do not think there is a easy way to do this. The best way I can suggest is for the two of you to sit down with the kids and tell them together.
Furthermore I think you should make contact with the authorities and make sure that he still plays his role in the upbringing of these kids.
They should punish him in some way for giving these poor kids a home and then break it up 6 months later. Surely you were only allowed to adopt them because you were a stable family.
Good luck and God bless.
2006-09-03 19:58:31 · answer #2 · answered by robsnor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're able to tell him the actuality, yet do no longer talk hateful approximately his father because of the fact it does no longer do you any good. the two considered one of my sisters are contained in the comparable subject... they the two have a son and the father's left them jointly as the ladies have been pregnant. My youthful sis has gotten married because then, so her husband acts as her son's father and my older sister did attempt to get decrease back with the douche bag after she had my nephew, however the guy became nonetheless a d*mbass and ended up stealing her exams and committing fraud, yet anyhoot... merely tell him the actuality. it must be so user-friendly as "i admire you very lots, yet your father wasn't mature sufficient to be a good daddy to you."... something like that, yet you will determine it out while the time comes. merely attempt to no longer sound hateful.
2016-09-30 08:00:58 · answer #3 · answered by laseter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Daddy loves us all, but can't show it by living here with us. We need to be apart in order to do what is best for everyone. He was not happy even though he loves us. And now that he lives on his own, he is able to be a happier person, even though it makes us sad. We need to be happy for him, because in the long run we are better off having him happy rather than unhappy.
That sucks that he left, I hope you find your own happiness again soon.
2006-09-11 01:16:06 · answer #4 · answered by kindofkitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on what their "special needs" are. If they can understand it, explain to them that, while Mommy &Daddy still love them very much, they get along better when they don't live together. At that young an age and dependsing on their needs, they don't need much more in the way of details. One piece of advise that you already seem to be following, NEVER NEVER NEVER badmouth dad in front of them. They will wind up resenting you for it. I am speaking from the kid's pov on that one.
2006-09-03 20:06:24 · answer #5 · answered by flcntrygirl80 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them the truth. Tell them that things just didn't work out in the end and that they will always have a home and a parent that loves them even if their father is no longer present. But since he still shows himself every once in a while, I guess you could say that he still cares.
2006-09-03 19:57:16 · answer #6 · answered by dimkaluv 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that you will tell them the whole story when they are already able to understand. Do not lie to them as kids will know in the future that you are covering up. You are now beset with two kids but they are a blessing. Continue with your life...work doubly hard and be a good example to your kids. All will be well.- yunesa@yahoo.com
2006-09-03 20:03:49 · answer #7 · answered by yunesa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you talk to a lawyer instead of wondring what to say to the kids. I was unlawful for him to leave you with two special needs chldren minus a car and money. You need to get that aspect straightened out, as to what do you tell the kids...simply that he doesn't want to live with you any longer. period.
2006-09-11 18:40:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that he simply chose a different path in life and that choice is why he moved out. They will learn in time that everything in life is about choices. You chose to adopt them and to love them. You chose to protect them from feeling the pain of another person walking out of their lives. You chose not to destroy their memories of this man. You chose to keep your feelings of betrayal and loss caused by his leaving from interfering with the love and affection you give these children. Hold your head up high- you have earned that self-respect.
2006-09-11 06:01:14 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to the kids that daddy didnt want to live with them anymore. Do Not run him down even though he is a loser in front of the kids. Someday he will get his when he wants a closer relationship with them and they want nothing to do with him
2006-09-09 10:04:34 · answer #10 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋