could someone help me w/my problem?

Question

my husband takes care of the bills. now my problem is there not getting paid we get shut off notices alot now and i told him to just let me help figure them to where they go,but no he saysnoits okay? now im starting to work after a while of no working should i get my own banking,and not join him,also should i sign any papers pretaining to any new loans he wants to take out to pay things off?
please help i have 3 children this has been going on for some time now, should i put up my gaurd,he wont show he his checking,or savings.

Answer 1

sounds like he has a gambling problem

Answer 2

DO NOT GET INTO A LOAN WITH HIM..... He is doing things wrong and it will only truely affect you. If he decides not to pay this loan and your name is on it they will come after you. But if you are not on the loan at all. Then they can only come after him. But see there is a catch, Cause any debt he has is yours because you are married...... And as much as that sucks. That is the way this government works. I would open up my own checkinh account and don't tell him. I would also save some money because if things continue you will have to leave him. He will only bring you down and you and your kids do not need this. A marriage is 50/50 and he is not telling you to help because he is doing something he is not supposed to. He should want only one help and that should be yours....investigate it and you are married you have access to everything. I am sure you can look around the house and get his bank info. You can even go to the bank and try to get your name added. Also research the bills if you were not working you should have been able to get the bills first.

Answer 3

Usually in a marriage one party takes on the financial responsibilites of bills and managing the money. Many men see it as their responsibility, and an equal number turn this over to their wives. When you have the husband taking care of the finances I assure you it is seen in his eyes, his duty, you know the time honored roles of men and women. Traditionally speaking, it has only been in the last 30 yrs or so that men have turned over that chore to women.
As a result, you have an ego issue to contend with, therefore I would suggest several things you can do.
First, call all the business that you pay monthly. Phone, electric, gas, credit cards, rent, mortgage, etc. Find out the amounts past due, the last payment amount and dates and when next payments are due and their amounts. Log it all down.
Next, add up your income from all sources and see if the income matches the bills. Don't forget to include living expenses, food, gas, etc.
If there is enough discretionary income, then he is spending money he shouldn't. If the amount left over after bills are paid is not enough to cover the food, gas, etc costs, then there is not enough money being brought into the household.
This tells you right away if there is a problem with him, or a problem with overextending yourselves.
Once you find this out, then arrange a time when there are no kids or interuptions and let him know what you found out. If there is not enough funds, offer to cutback on some expenses. If he is spending money he shouldn't, you need to encourage him to tell you about whatever it is so you two can work it out and get things back on track.
In the meantime, if you have a job, start a savings account. Have this account going to another address so he won't know about it. This account is for the necessities you may need, or it can be used down the road for emergencies since he has nothing set aside himself.
Sometimes, and it is statistically supported, women tend to do much better with the household finances than men.

Answer 4

unfotunately you have a more extreme issue at hand on whether he pays the bills or not he is not showing you the finances and thats a very big problem in a marriage as you both are responsible for every thing all the money that comes in should be discussed where is goes and what should be done with it if he feels he wants to control somthing put him on an allowance and say if you want to do somthing with it like make up another account you can but as fior the house hold money its where you both can see it.... im assuming since its gotten this far and you are just going back to work after a time of no working you and he are more old school about marriage. but if somthing else is going on or your finacials are about to bottom out then you might need to be extremely proactive and find out. im guesseing you can figure out how much money is coming in and im sure you can find out what the household bills are, that will show how much roughly should be in the bank and if your going to need to be even more proactive on secure=ing your and the childrens life.

Answer 5

em....i think it best for u to get an a/c of ur own so u can save up a little .....(sorry i noe its doesnt sound nce but u have too) coz if u dun things mite get worse when u run out of cash!!

if possible dun sign any loans for him it will onli get u in more debts....give him a reason eg. ur salary is not up to the loan requirements or s'thing...just an excuse

than in the mean time try to slowly take over the handling of bills....gd luck ;)

Answer 6

Tell him that you are worried about your familys' financial condition and that you want to help (that's why you started working). If he opens up, DON'T judge and criticize. Just help him get out of the whole he seems to have gotten the two of you in. If he doesn't open up, don't sign onto new loans with him you'd better start looking after yourself financially--it seems he is taking you downhill fast.

You may also want to consult a lawyer to see how else you can protect yourself financially from his mistakes.

Answer 7

Do not sign your name to any loans. It will only get you further in debt. If your husband does not show you the accounts, he has something to hide.
Get your own checking in your own name and your own line of credit in your own name even if it is just a single credit card with a very low limit of like say $250. You need to take care of your own financial future no matter what he does. The reason I am saying to get a credit card is so you have a financial history which is not connected to him.
Keep your own savings account with your own money stash and do not tell him about it, no matter what. You need to take care of yourself. He doesnt sound like he is adequately taking care of your finances and you need to secure your own.

Answer 8

If he didn't let you take care of the bills and money then get your own account. Don't sign anything dealing with him or his name on it. I don't do that. Just you have your money and buy food for the house and let him do the other bills. Most women do that. Then buy the kids what they need like clothes and all if they are little and clothes don't cost a load...I'd not let him see or mess with my money. It's better that way.
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Answer 9

If your husband is not smart in handling the finances, I advice you to no sign anything, eventually, your good credit is going to save the both of you. Yes, get your own checking ACCT.

That's a good way to help your husband not to hit rock bottom.

Answer 10

i wouldn't sign anything because if you do and it's not paid back they come after you to. And if he wont show you the checking or savings most mean you aint got none no more. And, yes put your guard up and always keep it up or be ready to be screwed. watch after you and your kids let him fend for him self awhile

Answer 11

get your Owen acc. don't let him know about it i think he is playing with the money gambling or drugs a man working could pay all the bills so he maybe playing games don't sign any thing at all please keep your guard up you have the kids to look after looks like it's going to be hard on you good luck to you