how to deal with a fallen marriage??

Question

we have been married for a year now... and we always quarrel over small thing... this doesn't happen when we are still courting... any advise??

we have been married for a year now... and we always quarrel over small thing... this doesn't happen when we are still courting... I still love this marriage, how do i work it out... any advise??

Answer 1

Courting days and marriage days are totally different . During courting days, we tends to forgive and forget all small matters and mistakes made by our partners. When we get married, we have to stay together and sometimes we can't see things eye in eye with our partner and this may eventually lead to a quarrel. But as couples, we have to discuss this sort of issue and not to force our partners to listen to us or follow our ideas. Sometimes our partner may have better ideas than us, so it leave us some room for discussion. You have to talk it over calmly and not to raise your voice. So in future talk over all things calmly but that doesn't means you must always give way to the other party, it means talk to your spouse in a calm manner that's all

Answer 2

Hi,

Many people's marriage break up within a span of months because of a few reasons:

- you may not be aware of what exactly you want and who exactly you are looking for as a life partner. Therefore after marriage when what you get dun match your expectations, you tend to get upset and quarrel

- Different people have different values in life. They may hold diff things as being important to them. Most of the time because they do not see and understand that their views clash because they are coming from different points of view. Once they understand that and decide to be more forgiving, it would be easier to resolve.

- Marriage is teamwork and it takes both hands to clap and takes sacrifice on both party's part to ensure the maximum utility and benefits to the whole team.. as in the family. Some people go into marriage and still expect they get the freedom of singlehood and do whatever they like. When this happens, people quarrel..

- What you expect of a wife/husband is different from what you expect of a girlfriend and so when expectations change and adjustments are needed, both parties may flare up.

- Living together is not as easy as it sounds. It would be best to sort out the differences BEFORE living together and discuss about how you react to diff scenerios. Eg, before we got married, me and hubby bought a book called 1001 questions to ask yourself before you get married and we went through and discussed things like whther we can lend in laws money.. whether we will bring in laws along for holidays.. and many other minute details.. so tat when the situation happens, we already had an agreement or compromise and dun have to quarrel to settle it.

Well, as a seasoned agony aunty.. I would have to ask you.. when u say "DEAL with a fallen marriage", what sort of dealing are you talking about?

Do you want to try to make it work or do you want to walk away from it or wat?

Either way, I would suggest that you attend this course called SCS.. I have had people on the verge of divorce attend it and understand why they kept quarrelling.. now happily together still...

Also had father and daughter who have nto talked to each other for 2 years attend it and then ask for forgiveness from each other..

I myself attended this course before I even got attached. As a result, I was very sure of the type of person I was looking for and have been happily married for the past 3 years. We are very happy and never quarrel as I also shared with hubby what I learnt and encouraged him to attend scs.

After applying what we have learnt, we have not just built a happy family but it was also very beneficial for us to learn about how to educate our children ;)

If you are keen to find out more, please email me at [e-mail].

Answer 3

You smay have heard this before, "it take only 3 second to fall in love, but it may take 30 years to learn cohibiting with each other". Courting is always sweet, as a couple seldom shown their truth during courtship.

Answer 4

Well court more since quarrel is not happening when you are courting.

Answer 5

they say the first five years of marriage is tough and if you can make it through them you will be okay so little quarrels are nothing as long as they are not verbal and an abusive relationship.... it will be okay

Answer 6

Do like all women do and look for this quickest exit. One small little argument and the woman wants out of the marriage and doesn't want to work it out.

Answer 7

that,s part of being married the first year is the haredest in my opion as fr as a fallen marrage set down and talk this throught and try to get this worked out if you cant you have one option seperate. or stay together . my opion?

Answer 8

The first three years are the hardest. It takes time to adjust to a new living arrangement.

Answer 9

one thing to remember is to chose ur battles dont sweat the small stuff its not that big a deal