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We used to have wild sex 5-6 times a week. Now it's more like once a month. Even then, she specifically requests 'a quickie only'. WTF?

I'm about 20 pounds overweight, admittedly, but I don't think it's that bad. I get a lot of unsolicited/unrequitted attention/advances from other women, but none from her. I travel one or two nights a week on business, but I've always traveled extensively. I'm less stressed by work now than previously.

She's an aspiring actress and goes to classes / rehearsals / ??? one night a week until midnight or much later, which doesn't help matters between us. She also gave up drinking alcohol, eating red meat, watching porn, and a lot of other stuff that used to be fun for us.

2006-09-03 18:09:55 · 20 answers · asked by Ketel One Up 4 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

20 answers

Well...Speaking from experience, I lost interest in my married sex life, because there were bigger issues. After 8 years of marriage, we had our careers, our kids, and sometimes at night we had sex, it wasn't making love, it was a quickie before bed, and sometimes a fast one before work. I perfected the eye-roll, because I completly lost interest. There was no longer any romance like there once was. Never, not even a little. We used to have a lot of romantic times. I could give the excuse that we were both too busy, but it turned out that neither one of us wanted to take the time. We purposely made ourselves busy. This may or may not be your case, but some personal insight. Sounds like you both have to make the time, you both have to WANT to make the time. (Learning lots about you tonight) Good Luck

2006-09-04 13:43:54 · answer #1 · answered by Lemme tell ya... 5 · 0 0

Sounds a lot like my relationship right now. I always thought i would be up for sex as often as we used to, but I think with us not spending as much time together, it's harder to be in the mood now. It's not that i don't want something intimate, but there is not enough time, or what he is doing doesn't seem to work to get me turned on. I think the secret behind it is that the longer you are together, sometimes the further apart you drift. If you are not going in the same direction, and not spending as much time together, on things that you both enjoy, you are just not on the same sexual level either. The more "quality time" you spend together, the more in tune with each other you are, and the better your sex life ends up being. I hope that made sense, i am tired, and having trouble assembling my thoughts. I'll take a look at it tomorrow and fix my answer if it needs it and if the question is still open. goodnight.

2006-09-03 19:10:20 · answer #2 · answered by Cyndi Storm 4 · 0 0

For a woman to be in Love and then not. Something had to happen. Only you to would know what it was that has happened. You need to seriously think about your relationship with her. How many promises broken, How many fights happened. Did those fights come from something that was a big issue and or did it end into little small issues. The best thing to do is sit with her and talk heart to heart. Ask her what is really going on and tell her the differences you see, Let her tell you what she sees, feels and then both of you either see if it is something you both can put 150% into fixing it or it is unfixable.Just be ready to hear things that maybe your in denial about. You don't want this to end into an argument, when your trying to find out what is wrong......Good Luck

2006-09-03 18:29:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

She's becoming 'comfortable' and has made changes in her life, focusing more on her own career and health.

Right away less alcohol means less sex. Porn gets boring fast. And lots of classes could be making her tired. Plus the fact that you aren't there a few nights a week - she may feel disconnected from you.
Emotions are a big one for women. If you aren't communicating and aren't 'in touch' with her feelings, she won't want to be 'in touch' with your body. Basically.

She could also, just not know it's concerning you. Maybe she really doesn't notice that much of a change, or that it's affecting you personally.
Bring it up!!

2006-09-03 18:20:00 · answer #4 · answered by lucy_shy8000 5 · 0 0

I have felt similar. She is losing interest. There are reasons why but she hasn't spoken to you about them, or maybe she has but you haven't been listening. There also could be other factors, like stress. I know for a fact though when it was me, it was do to certain things going on in the relationship that I wanted to stop but they didn't. Maybe try spending more quality time together if you can, that always helps--so does communication. No woman wants to sleep with someone she feels emotionally detached from.

2006-09-03 18:17:44 · answer #5 · answered by Queen J 2 · 0 0

I loose complete interest (even for long periods of time) when my husband takes me for granted. When he stops appreciating what I do for him or us during the day. When I feel our intimacy threatended by friends, work, travel or computer time! So it is like self defese. If you are not caring for me at all, why should I give you my body? In her case I have no idea. But the best way to solve it is to communicate and share your fears. It may be she is worried of your lack of interest!! She has changed so many things in her life, that maybe she needs a lot of reassurance for her continuos committment to change. It is not easy to leave addictions behind, it takes a lot of effort, and we need constant love and reassurance. Try that, too. Just tell her, "baby, I really admire all you've done for you, it takes a lot of self control, and you know what, I want to have wild sex with you tonight!"

2006-09-03 19:20:20 · answer #6 · answered by avll 2 · 0 0

You know what, believe it or not, my husband has the same problem. When we first started going out we would have sex atleast 5 or 6 times a week. Then it slowly started being less and less and well non-existant. I finally got fed up with it and told him he needed to go to the doctor. Maybe that is something you might be able to bring up with your wife. There might be something wrong, physically. Which is causeing her sex drive to decrease. Or maybe just set her down and talk to her about it. Ask her why and maybe you two can come to a conclusion. And I hate to ask, but is she having an affiar? That could account for the reason she no longer wants to have sex.

2006-09-03 18:15:05 · answer #7 · answered by Jessica 6 · 1 1

Maybe she finds something you're doing (or not doing) to be constantly annoying. If you find out what that is, maybe you could fix it. She sounds like an intelligent woman. You sound like you resent her progress and achievements in life. Why don't you try supporting her healthy life choices? Maybe that would make her feel like making you happy, too. On the other hand, she could have a hormone imbalance that is causing a lack of interest in sex. They have doctors who can fix that. Good luck guy!

2006-09-03 18:28:12 · answer #8 · answered by Judith 1 · 0 0

How long have you been married? Maybe she just needs some romance, do you take her out, show her a good time, talk to her? They just did a segment about this on the TODAY show, actually! They say after marriage, women are less interested in sex and need to have their brains tickled before their bodies will respond. And they suggested having skin to skin cuddle time, no action, to get the juices flowing again. My husband has to work harder now than before-- just having kids, work, school, etc. makes our brains and bodies fried. However, it's worth the effort.

2006-09-03 18:16:01 · answer #9 · answered by shrinkydinkheart 4 · 3 0

I really hate to say this to you but I'm kind of in the same situation right now too. Only, I'm the woman. I know from my point of view that I've been debating about leaving him and I feel guilty to make love when I know it's not about love anymore. Also, I would seriously check out her "acting" classes. Sorry it's not good news but women in love WANT to make love because of the intimacy. If she doesn't than she doesn't want the intimacy anymore.

2006-09-03 18:20:40 · answer #10 · answered by tweety33 1 · 1 0

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