Hubby been acting strange...If he cheating?

Question

My man and I have been together for 12 years and have 2 small children..He cheated a few years ago both sexually and emotionally. He doesn't want to have sex with me..EVER. We hardly ever speak. I can't stand to lay in bed with him and know he doesn't want me. It hurts me so badly. I think that he is staying because of our kids.
What do I do? I feel awkward around him and he near me i think because we both know what's up and can't face it. This is tearing me up inside. I am so hurt right now. Please help me!

He won't do counseling..I did by myself after the affair but he won't. I feel he won't because he really doesn't care.

Answer 1

robin,

if i had to guesse your counselor has suggested to you that when a man acts this way its a sign of control. pouting and ignoring if this has been going on for a long period of time then it might be time to take stock on how to leave him. as somtimes its considerd tranference making you feel guilty for the bad deeds he did and judging by the pain you exuded in your letter he is doing a good job at slowly killing you from with in. it might be time to do leave him permanently or atleast pack the kids up and move to your moms for the school year. your children however bliss at times are learning how to have a marriage and how to argue and is this the enviroment? no its not and that means him staying for the kids is mute. assuming you have a daughter i want you to run through a mock as if you are counseling her on this when she is married. i feel your pain but you have to take care of your children first and formost good luck

Answer 2

I know exactly how you are feeling. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do here except accept that the marriage is over and start over. It is important to get out while the two of you can still be friends for the kids sake.

I won't tell you it is easy, but once you get past the rough part it is so much better to be on your own than tiptoeing around waiting for the next fight. After 3 1/2 years of being single I am now with a wonderful man and in the relationship I always wished for. There is a light at the end of the tunnel for you, you just have to make some tough decisions first. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

I think what you need to do is this start working out. Go to the salon get your hair, nails (hands&feet), also get waxed, and buy some new sexy but still respectful cloths. Start taking care of you. Then file for a divorce, He will start noticing a difference in you. Start going out with friends, Take your kids out more often. Make sure you have money saved, so your kids are ok. And you too. Let your parents know that you are leaving him. Find a place for you and the kids. Unless you have a house and you plan on keeping it. And you rather he move out. Now have a talk with him, let him know that what has been going on is not healthy and frankly you and he are both tired of it. It is truely not making the kids happy, and you really want them happy DON'T YOU. Then tell him here are the divorce papers, I think it is time we part. And only be there for our children. If all you want is the house tell him that. His kids should still have what is familiar to them. Always put them first..... Tell him you have had many good years but things between you and him have gone sour. He will either be so surprised that you finally stood up for yourself, and have even gotten hotter, or he will be glad someone spoke up first. Truely leave him. You need not be miserable anymore. He cheated not you and you are beautiful. By the way you have two children that you need to be happy and content..... Good luck

Answer 4

If your relationship has come the point where neither of you will admit that it is over, then you need to find a way to make it over.

It is obvious that the relationship has gone south. Maybe you need to be the one to bring up the subject about you two getting a divorce. I mean why stay for the kids? All that is going to do it hurt the kids even more. Do yourself and you kids a favor and let the husband go. If he love his children he will maintain a relationship with them. You two staying together because of the kids is the worst thing you could do.

Take sometime and gather your thoughts. Make a decision of whether you are going to stay or are you going to leave. Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 5

It sounds like he's cheating...You need to tell him what you are feeling and thinking. It is time to make a decision don't stay for the kids. How can the kids be happy if the parents are not happy. They can't be the tension must be unbearable in your home and around other family members. It is time to make a decision get together and have the hear to heart talk. You deserve to be happy as do the children.I could not stay in a relationship with out emotional and physical attention.
~~Good Luck~~

Answer 6

I really don't know if he's cheating or not but there could be a possibility for it. If he won't go to counseling then this suggest that he doesn't care to work on the marriage. It will all be up to u to decide what to do to make u happy again. I know u still love him and wish for things to work out but u can't have a marriage when only one partner is willing to work on it. I know it's easier said than done but there comes a time in your life when u have to say enough is enough and u pick yourself up off the floor and take responsibility for your own happiness.

I'm sorry for your situation and I really wish u luck.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to say this but it sounds like to me that the marriage is over. People should never stay for the kids because some times the children are better off if the parents split up.
You only live once, honey leave him and find someone that will love u the way u need to be loved. I have been in ur situation and i left. God bless and good luck!

Answer 8

A more important question is why are you staying?

You say there is no sex, no intamacy, and you are hurting badly... And he has cheated in the past... Yet you are leaving the decision to stay together or to split up to him...

Your children no matter how young can see the lack of communication and see the unhappiness in your marriage... Staying together for them does them a great disservice... THey will eventually come to resent thier unhappy home and consider themselves the cause of the strife as you are "Staying together for the kids"...

Grow a backbone, go to counseling on your own, and figure out why you are allowing this man to treat you like a doormat ...

Answer 9

You should get out of the relationship now, is this the kind of relationship you want your kids heading for later in life. Kids learn alot about relationships early in life and history does have a way of repeating itself. As far as for yourself, life is too damn short not to be happy. There are a lot of other fish in the sea and everything happens for a reason. Perhaps the way the relationship is going is a sign you are meant to be with someone else. You can always get the children and yourself some counseling if need be but get out now before things get worse, especially for the children.

Answer 10

Hurting is no fun,and things don't look good you need to part soon so the hurt will ease in time.Take some space for yourself and then find a man that will love you and care for you,and yes there are men out there that will love your kids also.This guy is a cheat because he did it be for,once a cheat always a cheat,and what gos around comes around and he will get his soon.Good Luck.