Should I go ahead with the wedding?

Question

I've been in a relationship that was going great for over 5 years. Our wedding is scheduled at the end of the year, but I just feel so pressure to start a family with all the responsibilities, even though we've been lived with each other for 4 years.
But the problem is I couldn’t feel that same spark that I felt before. Worse, I fell for a married guy, we’re both having feeling to each other, but he has no intention of leaving his family for me, and I wouldn’t want him to cause it’s just not right, we’re just simply need someone to talk and to share.

Should I go ahead with the wedding even though I am no longer attracted to my fiancé, even though I am having feeling for other man, even though I am depressed because all the pressure? I can’t bear to leave him alone because I know I am all that he’s ever needed and he just can’t live without me.

I already told him all the pressure I have atm and that I need sometime, but again he doesnt agree and said being with me is all he've ever wanted, he'll try to do everything that could make me feel better.

Answer 1

Firstly let me say, well done for being honest. It is no secret that over time relationship change and it is hard work to keep that spark going, it changes over time and its can never go back to being that first love feeling. But let me say this it is a mature love one of comfortablility and acceptance.

You should be over the mood to plan a wedding and getting all excited, but you say your not. Instead your thinking of a attraction to a married man and are feeling depressed because of feeling pressured to start a family, which you are obviously not ready for.

Let me say I think you know the answer to what you should do but you are scared. Making a breaking and starting afresh is never easy. I am sure he will adapt to not having you around in time as will you him. Perhaps for whatever the reason you too are meant to be just good friends and realising this now rather than later is a good thing. So many people go through with a marriage just because its expected as they do with having a family. If you look down the track at those people they somewhere down the track find they are miserable and all say they could see the writing on the wall just before they got married but they were scared to make the break. In the end what suffers is the children of this union, which is sad. My kids are a product of exactly this and those 3 boys of mine even after 5 years of there there dad leaving pine him in some way or another.

Trust you inner self , take strength in the fact that thousands of woman have had to go through the same decision and have choose to walk away. You will be better for it, knowing you arnt living a lie.

What ever you decide and do I wish you all the best.
Hugs Fiona

Answer 2

If you don't think you can be faithful you should leave and let your fiance and a chance at a decent life.

"The spark" doesn't last. You get tired, there are bills, the children are crying. You don't stay at the top of the mountain forever. But "the spark" comes back, when people are faithful to each other and work at building their relationship. 5 years is a long time to drag a relationship out. Normally you'd have "the spark" for a while, get married and have the challenge of putting your lives together, then there would be babies and the excitement of having a new kid and dealing with the problems there and overcoming them.

If you think that starting a family is just pressure with responsiblities, you probably shouldn't do it. The other guy isn't being responsible to his family, he probably isn't helping you feel like you should, either.

Answer 3

Wow, I guarantee this guy CAN live without you. Are you having more than just feelings for this other guy (are you sleeping with him)? If so, then cut your fiance loose - he doesn't deserve that.

If they are just feelings you really need to think things through. You've been together 5 years - there's not going to be the excitement there might have been you two had "waited" until your wedding night - you've basically been married for four years (perhaps legally depending on the common-law marriage laws in tyour state). If you really don't love your fiance you owe it to him to let him know and let him find someone that does. If you stay with ime you will begin to build resentment and 10 years from now you will both be miserable and it will only be harder for the 2 of you to find someone.

Answer 4

First things first . . . getting involved with someone who is married is not cool. So forget about that.

Secondly, take a look at why you are having second thoughts about your fiance. Is all of the pressure leading up to the wedding putting stress on you and him? Do you still love him? Is there something that he is doing that genuinely is upsetting to you? He may be a great man and a good fit for you, but you have to decide if he is truly not meant for you, or if you are just overwhelmed by all of the details/planning leading up to the wedding.

Answer 5

You are no longer attracted, depressed and are under stress. How is marrying him going to improve any of these? It won't and deep down you know that. It's only going to get worse until you make up your mind you do want him or you don't and then have the pain and expense of going through a divorce. Think. You already know your answer. You don't need us or anyone to approve/disprove. Do what your heart tells you.

Answer 6

If you have to ask, you already know that the answer is NO. Why get married now when you know you don't want to be with that person? Give him a chance to find someone that appreciates him, is attracted to him and loves him. You think you are doing this for him, but really you are just being selfish because you don't want to be held responsible for your actions.

Answer 7

Let me see, I'll bet the married guy told you his wife was cold and unloving, and "she just doesn't understand me like you do" And if you will just stay with me while she gets through some climatic catastrophe I'll leave her ,get a divorce and marry you,someday,maybe ,sometime,somewhere.AW BULLSH------!!!!! Child you have fell for the oldest trick or treat in the book It's guys like this two timing SOB that gives us legitimate guys a bad name .!!!!! My advice to you is to dump the married guy,call his wife and tell her what's going on You've screwed up the trust your fiance has for you and don't be surprised if he leaves ya too.Best to cut your losses and move on

Answer 8

Best advice, get as far away from both as possible. If you don't have feelings for the guy, don't marry him. Tell him how you feel, but be gentle about it. ....And the married guy, been there, done that; it usually turns out you are the one getting hurt in the end. Take my advice and end both relationships, you'll be better in the long run.

Answer 9

I wish you luck, and just pray about it.

There is one thing that is important that you stated: "he has no intention of leaving his family for you!"

If you tried to break up the marriage you would be committing adultery. So, please ask yourself maybe you saw qualities in this married guy that you like, and now are questioning the man you are to marry. Give yourself some time, and analyze the situation.

Answer 10

mary ur fiance,u will start to have feelings for him too,atleast when u makr luv
coz therres no use ofplaying with the other persons.
why r u spoiling someone elses life.
who is married???y r u spoiling someone elses family??
r u so cruel???
if someone doesw that to u???forget that man and u go along with u r life...
ask u r conscience whether i am right or wrong