Do all men change after you marry them?

Question

I have found a man that treats me sooo well but due to having one failed marriage i'm scared when he talks about marriage. I'm afraid he will change (like my x husband did).

Answer 1

you need to scutinize his words. does he back up what he says with action. does his promises mean nothing when its convienet to break a promise. you can always tell a person by the value he places on his words..... as far as anything else yes we all change after time even if its as slow as a sloth the older you get the less a man will change but he still does. if your man started opening the car door for you and six months later he is still doing it then you might be seeing what he is really like. scutinize every aspect of this man as getting married should be with somone you feel positive that when he promises before god and family that he really means for better or for worse till death do you part.....good luck

Answer 2

Men do change, but so due women. They change because living with another person, children, job changes, financial problems etc.... that come with marriage seem to have a lasting mental impact on a person. I married a gal and she changed into a total *****, but then again I also changed into an unforgiving asshole, who always worked and never tried to communicate well and to try and see the other side of an opinion. People do change in life but not always for the worst. Everything happens for a reason, if you are scared that is normal, especially being burnt before. I suggest maybe trying to talk to someone whom you trust about this, maybe a pastor or a counselor,a friend with a level head and good sound judgment. Best of luck to you. I have changed in this marriage but for the better and life is totally great.(just to show what might happen as well)

Answer 3

Trust yourself...I had an aversion to marriage after failing twice. Then this cute guy, swept me of my feet, romanced me with a great vacation...great dates. Then we lived together for a year and he was wonderful and that convinced me to trust him. We got married in Vegas and we weren't married three years when he put me out on the street, jobless. I just had a major surgery and he didn't want an old, sick woman without a job. I thought he would beg my forgiveness but he just moved on and told everyone I was fat and lazy and I didn't help him pay our bills. I'm fine now, though. I don't have a penny to spare but I have a job and an apartment. (When I put things away they are there when I return.) I've never lived alone before but I love it. If you have any doubts, second thoughts, anything... a pre-nup is not a bad idea. It can spell out roles and expectations...you would have a written understanding... not just a piece of paper saying "married." They always treat you well in the beginning, it is a challenge to see if they can win you.

Answer 4

There are a couple of old sayings about this subject. I will paraphrase:

"Women marry men expecting them to change and they don't. Men marry women expecting them to never change, but they do."

The other one goes: "God and his mother made him and no woman is ever going to change him"

How long have you been with the dude?

I guess there are dudes that change, but it has been my experience that dudes really dont change, but their wives think they do because they put on a front for the short time they were dating before they got married. I would never take anything as an absolute. I would just take in a large sample of behavior...atleast a few years, befor I made any sort of decision, but, as you well know, you cant be 100% sure about anyone, huh?

I wish you the best.

Answer 5

Sometimes we have to let go of the past when we are in a new relationship .. because they are not your ex husband. Change however is ultimately a natural thing that does occur, we all grow from mistakes, from events, work and friends, etc etc. But having communication, taken a relationship slow and always be truthful to one another is the biggest thing to have during a marriage or any relationship

Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brillant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

Answer 6

Having one failed marriage, you should realize that both men and women change after marriage. Some for the better, some worse.

As a man, I will admit that one of the biggest problems we men have is that we become complacent after awhile. We have a tendency to get what I call "too comfortable" in our relationships and sometimes forget to show our love. I have never met a woman who doesn't mind being reminded that she is still beautiful and loved.

There are no guarantees in marriage.....if you love him and you feel in your heart that he loves you.....trust your instincts!

Answer 7

It's not so much that they change as much as they don't change. Behavior that was acceptable while you were dating just doesn't cut it when your married. If they become possessive they always were you just spent every minute together so he didn't didn't have any reason to act jealous. Or maybe he won't hold down a job. How many jobs has he had already? probably a lot. So did he change or did you just wake up? You'll have to be more detailed. But to punish someone for something someone else did is just wrong. Judge him on what he does. not the last guy

Answer 8

It is my opinion that they usually don't change, its just that once married you are around each other more and learn each others habits and behind closed door attitudes quickly. Try going away on trips together or even move in together for a while. What the heck, you are both adults. This may help you to see if any hidden attributes about him will be more than you can handle.

Answer 9

EVERYONE changes u dont act like u did when u first met him.. u may to a degree but not totally, everyone puts on the best when they first start dating people.. then somewhere between the time u started dating, and the first 6 months their true colors start to show.. of who they are.. u can usually bank if a man is doing the same kinds of things for u at the very beginning that he doing after 6 months and comfortable has set in, thats who he is..

NOW another change will occur after u move in with someone.. although ur comfortable, u havent had to live with this person on a day to day bases and u find out more of his quirks as he finds out more of your quirks as well.. this again starts happening usually after the first 6 months of living together cause well the first 6 its all great ur playing house and its new and exciting.. then comfortable sets in.. and u start being more yourself..

Think about it, in either the dating scenerio or the living together scenerio.. Ur bf would of gone through a stomach ache that had him toppling over in pain instead of passing gas in front of u, and im willing to bet by now he does it with out even appologizing for it.. he's comfortable with u.. gross analogy but true lol..

After u get married, after awhile goes by yes people tend to become more routined and more comfortable, and they do tend to change with time and age.. the man u marry today will not be the same man 20 years from now and hopefully u'll love him alot more after 20 years then u do right now if its a healthy marriage..

Also remember that some people are just not cut out for marriage because they lack immaturity and what it takes to make a marriage work..
Marriages that work, take alot of patients and alot of fighting for...marriage isnt easy it takes alot of work from both partners to make it work..

When ur bf starts talking about marriage u need to find out his views on marriage, seek him out to see if he's a man that will live by his vows every day not just when its convient to him.. ask different scenerios like what would u do if this happened or that happened, but take ur time u dont need to rush into marriage.. Scope him out, test his thoughts on things, and make the right choice this time, make sure he is a "REAL MAN" and dont settle for anything less then what u want in a husband, and dont be blinded by red flags that he may show u.. like im sure u saw in ur first husband but were to in love to see..

Answer 10

Men do not 'change' after getting married. They are just great actors and do not show their true colors until after they think you are in your power. Most men, not all. There are guys out there that are true. Watch his actions closely with other people ( especially Those he is not trying to impress.) You will have a good Idea of his true character.