Yesterday I had to meet my fiance's ex-wife's parents at their house while we dropped off his 9 year old daughter. The ex-wife was there also, and I was already feeling stressed because I had an argument with my mother earlier that morning. My fiance introduced me to his ex's parents as his "friend". While they were all standing around laughing and chatting I felt like I wanted to have an out of body experience or something. . .It was very uncomfortable. Why did I have to meet them? Why do I have to be under scrutiny of my fiance's ex-wife and her family? I don't do the same thing to him and I have a child also. In addition, the ex-wife is still very close friends with his family and friends. I'm finding this all very hard to deal with and he doesn't seem to think anything of it. . and thinks Im the one being anal. I'm trying to be "cool" about it but I just don't feel accepted - like I don't really belong, especially while she is around... It's all too weird for me..
2006-09-03 16:48:31 · 11 answers · asked by gwibsy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know how you feel, been there, and done that. He could have just wanted to show you off. You have to remember if you marry him that you will somewhat be tied with the ex's. You will have to deal with them from time to time because of the child. That doesnt mean you have to go visiting at there house though. Tell him how you feel and see if a comfortable solution can be found. Common ground can always be found if both parties are willing to compromise.........Good Luck
2006-09-03 17:02:13 · answer #1 · answered by noname 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally feel that introducing u to them was his way of being polite although his use of the word "friend" is a bit strange. He could've very well just told them u were his fiance. Just ask him why he introduced u as a friend.
Now, u know that he has a child from his ex and he will have to be interacting with her because of this and if this is the man u are to marry, this is something that u are going to be dealing with. I don't mean to imply that u have to like his ex inlaws or even tolerate them. Just that this is the fact. U can choose to go with him or not and u don't necessarily have to be there everytime he goes there. As far as them scrutinizing u, how do u know this is what they're doing and not just u feeling uncomfortable?
The best thing to do is communicate to your fiance how u feel about this situation and he should in turn respect your feelings about it because he shouldn't have to make u do anything u feel uncomfortable doing.
2006-09-03 17:08:45 · answer #2 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I also think that he is very happy with you and wants them (his ex, her parents) to see that he has indeed moved on and that you are now part of his life and the fact that he called you his friend is good, his ex probably was a wife but never a friend. I am sure they KNOW you are his girlfriend. Feel proud and don't let them see you're nervous. He will always have a relationship with the ex and her parents since he has their child/grandchild. Good Luck!
2006-09-03 16:59:04 · answer #3 · answered by strawbarryblondee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunatley this is the life your going to have. he introduces you as a friend and not his fiance' to of all people his ex inlaws and ex wife, you are the butt of their jokes right now and your just being anal. you are feeling second to her family like you dont belong and your being anal...... dear i hate to say it but this will be your marriage and your fiance' is banking on you not rocking the boat. he will change his stripes when you do rock the boat but in time his stripes as you see them will farde again and again and you will be divoced.. i wished i had some feel good answer but i think at this point you know the fact is this is not going to be a good marriage. and your child will learn to lean on this man as a role model and your going to be in even more trouble.... i wish you luck , do what you know is right and not what your heart wants. which is putting up with it just to be loved
2006-09-03 17:11:26 · answer #4 · answered by joe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be annoyed that he introduced me as his "friend" as well, but just talk to him about it. If you are engaged to be married you are going to have to meet them all sometime as they are a part of his and his daughters life. It is also best for his kid that he still gets along with his ex-wife and her family and vise versa. Why don t you try to be friendly with her...what could the harm be??
2006-09-03 16:59:38 · answer #5 · answered by Carlyn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you need to rethink marrying this man. I think it is great that he has such a good relationship with his the mother of his child and their grandparents. Maybe you should try a little bit harder to and follow their example. Only one question though, what's up with him calling you his "friend". That's a little weird. Good luck.
2006-09-03 18:45:07 · answer #6 · answered by Jennifer S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He introduced you as a "Friend"? Have you asked him why? If you cant learn to accept his ex and her family then you should leave him before you get married. Good Luck!!!
2006-09-03 16:58:20 · answer #7 · answered by Desiree S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to feel the way u do, he should be more understanding of ur feelings.
Next time he wants sex, tell him that 'no u dont make love to ur "friends".
2006-09-03 18:25:58 · answer #8 · answered by Hilllbilly_gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he didn't love you, you would have never met them.......It was his way of showing them that he has moved on and I think it's great.......He must have MAD love for you to do something of this caliber.......You are a lucky girl!!!!!!!
2006-09-03 16:51:32 · answer #9 · answered by mizzzzthang 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
deal with it if you dont want to lose him..i know how it feels...
2006-09-03 17:18:24 · answer #10 · answered by wittlewabbit 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋