Am I too old to have kids?

Question

I'm a singe guy, who's about to graduate from college next year, and my 39th birthday is this month. I've always wanted children, but I put off anything serious when I started college a couple of years ago.

I meet many different women, from college age up to 45, and have tried to date fairly close to my age. The thing is, I know a lot of younger women would like to have kids, while many women my age have kids in their mid teens, and don't want another child. I would just like to have the experience of helping a child as they grow up, go through school, learn sports or other hobbies. Having my own or meeting a woman with younger children would be great.

I know an age difference of 10 years can be difficult in a relationship, but should I maybe consider dating younger women if I want kids? Should I only look for women my age that haven't had a child, but would still like too? Should I just accept that maybe I'm not supposed to have any children?

Thanks for the answers so far. I did want to mention that of course I want to meet the right woman, have a happy marriage, and if kids are meant to be, great!

I'm not basing my dating on just having kids. I just wanted hear from others that have experienced these situations. I'm just tired of people arond me telling me I should just give up on ever having kids.

Answer 1

No, I don't think you are too old to have kids or to find the right woman to have them with. It would be easier to find a younger woman who would like to have a child but don't give up on your own age group. Someone who is five or six years younger than you would be 33, 34. You would still have time to get know each other before you have kids. A five or six year age difference is no big deal. Also, don't discount a woman who all ready has children. If you are right for each other, she may want to have another baby, your baby. Don't give up! Best of luck to you and have fun with your quest.

Answer 2

Do not base a marriage on having a child. A marriage should be between to people who love each other and who become best of friends. The child thing should be looked at as a partnership with both wanting to bring a child into this world. I have three sons and a so - so marriage. Wishing the marriage was better. Age is not much of a factor. When mine were little all I did was work to give them a good home and life. Now I am older and I have the grandchildren to make up for the time I missed with my own. But Thankful for the children and grandchildren I have.. Best of Luck

Answer 3

I echo all the marriage advice above, but since you were asking about being too old to be a father, here are a couple of things to think about.

Many couples wait until the 'right time' to have kids, they want to be financially ready or something. From a financial standpoint, the right time to have kids is 'never'. If you are a parent, chances are you will at some time have to make sacrifices in order to do things for the kids.

However, on the other end of that financial thing is, do you want to have kids in college when you are in your 60's? I'm 49 with an 11 year old, and I'd like to retire early, but will be at least 60 before she graduates.

Already, at school meetings, I am a little amazed at the number of people who are 15 years younger than me who are parents of high schoolers. But I don't FEEL old. I think if you are mentally prepared and a balanced person overall, you can certainly father kids in your 40s.

Also, these days, a lot of people who had their kids later in life are getting into a generational squeeze: having to care for their own parents while they are also caring for their kids. This is really tough on a couple, emotionally, financially, etc.

There are other ways to influence kids though. Big Brothers, being a Sunday School teacher or volunteer to help with your church youth group, scout leader, any number of things if you feel that you want to help kids now while you haven't yet met the mother of your kids.

Good luck, there are a lot of kids who need a positive male role model in their lives. You may be the one they need.

Answer 4

If you want to have children, there is still plenty of time. Men can produce children up to age 60 if they so desire. Women on the other hand need to be in reasonably good health and under the age of 35 if this will be their first pregnancy. Younger women are better able to give you a healthy child, but slightly older women can also give you a child if they still want to have children. Just be up front with the woman of your choice and go from there. Rest assured, there is still time for you to enjoy fatherhood.

Answer 5

My ex husband is 46 and his wife is about 30 - he's been married 3 times. The last marriage he seems to have kept going quite well, and as a result, he's fathered 2 children. They both are under 3.

He also has a 23 y/o and a 20y/o, which are from his first marriage. Me.

My father and mother were not parents until they were in their 40's and we turned out to be decent people.

Keep looking for what you want - you'll know when the situation is right.

Answer 6

first of all.. there are alot of women in their early to mid 30's even 40's that are still capable of having children and would love to have a child or possibly another child with the right man..

Ur not to old, my brother is only a year younger then u are, his first marriage they didnt have children , but he's still looking for Mrs. Right and would still love to have children..

Stop worrying about children and just find Mrs. right first.. if children are meant for u in ur life.. it will happen.. and even if she cant have children u can adopt .. but u should find a good mother for ur children someone that u can live a long happy life with .. if u just look for a incubator for a wife, then it may not work if thats the bases of your marriage.. so just go find love, and then persue children..

Answer 7

I think it's going to be hard to find a woman in her late 30's early 40's to have a baby with I think you should give the late 20's and early 30's girls a try. and don't worry about the age thing cause a good woman wants a good man. All you need is the attraction

Answer 8

Well my grandfather was 44 before he had his first child and my mom was his seventh. There are alot of women out there that like you have put off having children for college and a career first that should still be in your age range. Try E-Harmony. It is surprising how serious people are on that site.

Answer 9

I don't think you should accept that maybe you're not supposed to have children. Try to stay open to younger women, women that already have kids, and women who are older but still want kids. Try not to see age. Just the person.

Answer 10

The only way if you want kids, is to go for younger women, because they're at child bearing age, but then I'd say that's gross, for dating women much younger than you. The women at your age, they can still be pregnant, but there's a danger to it, so I say you should adopt a child if you want kids that badly.