what do you do when you have been married ten years,have two kids and you are miserable?

Answer 1

misery is part of the human condition, how else will one know happiness if not by its contrast to its opposite. are you implying that your family is making you miserable? i doubt it, first look at yourself and take responsibility.

Answer 2

How miserable? Do your children sense it? If so then I would say get out. Too many couples stay together "because of the children" when in reality they are doing more harm to them. Children can tell when a parent isn't happy. They sometimes develop a self esteem problem because they think it might be their fault.
You should also be true to yourself. If you're miserable then first talk to your partner, maybe all you need is some good counseling. If that's not the answer then a separation may be the right thing. Talk to someone that know you better, a best friend, or a family member. Good luck

Answer 3

Since you didn't give any details as to why you are miserable, let's use the premise that you're feeling 'unfulfilled' with your life.

If the marriage is in a rut, get a sitter for the kids and go out for date nights with hubby. Parenting also takes it's toll on us, so going out at least once a week without the kids while you're on date night takes care of two problems.

If you're bored, find a new hobby or re-kindle an old one. Go out with friends or, if that isn't possible, find new e-friends (same sex so you don't get in trouble with the spouse!) online.

If you feel like you're not where you thought you'd be at your age (career wise), take a class either online or nights if you can to improve your employment situation or learn a new skill and look forward to a totally new direction.

If you're miserable with yourself in general, buy a new outfit, update your hairstyle or dye your hair, get a manicure, put on some makeup, etc. Anything that makes you feel better on the outside starts to work on the inside as well.

Cheer up! :)

Answer 4

You are at a pivot point right now. Divorce is VERY common at 7 to 12 years after of marriage. I was married for exactly 10 years, and I had two children, when my now-ex had an affair with a married man. Look at your spouse, and for a moment, eliminate the gender aspect of your attraction to him, and also any anger you have at him now, and decide if he can be your friend and sole companion for the remainder of your life. Is it possible? Consider known alternatives, other friends, not those you feel sexual attraction to, but other people you think could also be your friend into the later stages of life. Consider if your spouse may feel the same. Is he one of them? Be VERY careful, because the reason divorce comes around the 10 year point, is because, as the "glue" of your sexual attraction, raising your children and the spring time of life looses it's "stickiness", your relationship will change. But that DOESN'T mean it's over. It just means that it is changing. The glue that lasts is the friendship. All that other glue, the sex, the children, the youth, will continue to fade. Running to another relationship in prusuit of more glue from these things, will just run it's short course, and fail. My ex left me, immediately married and was divorced less than two years later. Mate with a lasting friend, one with whom you have some emotional chemistry. Expect nothing more than friendship.

Answer 5

Depends, why are you miserable? I have been married 7yrs and find that sometimes we just need a break from the kids. I send them to my moms for a couple of days and then my hubby and I can spend some quality time together. The only rule is no talking about the kids. It's a very hard rule not to break. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

that all depends on the circumstances....is your husband violent? is he mentally/physically abusive? does he have any addictions? is he unfaithful??

if you answers "yes" to any of the question then you owe it to your children to leave. ...especially for the first three questions. move in with your family/parents. their support is crucial. this is going to be the hardest thing you've ever done and it will be h e l l. there will be times when you will be absolutely miserable and your children will be miserable. so make sure you're leaving for the right reasons.

if the answer is "no" to those questions then you owe it to your children to keep it togther. try EVERYTHING you can. there is marriage counseling & weekend retreats where you can learn how to get closer and learn how to communicate. you need to find out what the problem is and fix it. ..and it won't be easy and it won't be over night. the "right" thing to do is always the "hardest" thing to do.

if you just want to leave because you're miserable you have no idea what you will getting into. life IS NOT greener on the other side. your life and your childrens lives will be HARDER.

i'm sorry you are feeling miserable. if you can make the marriage work your children will grow up happier and have a better sense of commitment. you can show them how to work things out and not give up. you can teach them to honor their promises...the leasons you will teach them are numerous. they diserve to live with both of their parents.

good luck :-)

Answer 7

Oh boy does this hit home with me! Its funny because my ex and I were married 10 years with 2 children as well, one ours the other was mine from previous marriage. Miserable was an understatement. It became unbearable to even be int he same room together. I thought I was with him for the kids sake and trust me, as they are grown up now, they said they felt the stress between the two of us. I say if counseling isn't an option, and divorce is the only answer, then just keep in mind its not easy, but you will survive and eventually you will see that being together for the kids isn't healthy for them. I hope you have good friends for support. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 8

Maybe what you thought was so special in the beginning is not so special anymore. Leaving the marriage would surely be easier if there were no kids involved but since there are kids it's even harder to consider. My only advice is to find other things to keep your self involved with. Sometimes just having someone to talk to like a best friend can do wonders. If you feel like you are happier with the new adjustments then maybe its time to get out.

Answer 9

Try to talk about the problems that each have with the other. Then try to correct the problems. It may take outside help to do this. It wont be easy but 2 kids and 10 years is worth trying.
Hopefully you can work it out, but if not, try to make the split as easy as possable for the kids sake. Good Luck

Answer 10

It may not be the husband and kids that makes you miserable, it may be that your life somehow became ONLY about the husband and the kids.
Create time, whether through a therapist or pursuing personal interests - or even a weekend in a hotel by yourself, to find out what you could add to this situation that would make you happy.
A class?
Go back to school?
Work? Different job?
Move?

Only you can make yourself happy.

Answer 11

Well you need to figure out what exactly is causing so much misery in your marriage,then decide if it is something you two can work out.If it is not then you need to seperate and get a divorce.Some people will stay together for the children but sometimes staying together only makes things worse.If all else fails you may want to seek marriage councling.No one but you can tell you what to do,you must make that choice,best of luck.