I am more interested in marriage for companionship rather than for sex. Also, I don't plan on telling my future husband that I am bisexual or that I am more attracted to females because then he probably wouldn't marry me. I really want the best of both worlds. Marriage life and also I want to have a female friend to be intimate with as well without my husband knowing. Do you think this is wrong? I don't think I will be happy with sex within my marriage only but also I won't be happy not being married. What should I do??
2006-09-03 15:30:51 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
If you are genuinely bisexual, the best advice I can give you is to accept who you are as being OK. There is nothing wrong with being bi. There is also nothing wrong with having a preference for one gender over the other when it comes to choosing the one with which to settle down.
On top of all that, it is OK to want the best of both worlds. To have it, though, you should consider up-front honesty with your partner(s). It sounds like you are bisexual AND polyamorous, but not used to that second item.
Polyamory is a relationship model in which people love, and are loved by, more than one person at a time openly, honestly, and without jealousy. Finding the right partners requires patience, and your partners will have to be of strong character and confidence.
There are many good books and web resources discussing polyamory. Many excellent books can be found by visiting amazon.com:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/104-4165575-9719952?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=polyamory
Give one a read, and best wishes to you in finding happiness with a good man and equally good woman.
2006-09-03 16:21:45 · answer #1 · answered by Bright Future Penguin 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to get married to a man if you don't like them as much as women? It's not like marriage is the only way to have a long-term companion, and if you choose to stay with a woman that you are really more attracted to than any man, the companionship will be even better. And it's really only fair to be open with your partner about wanting to be with more than one person. There are plenty of people out there who are okay with open relationships, so you can have the best of both worlds without the possibility of hurting your husband so deeply.
2006-09-04 00:16:57 · answer #2 · answered by jenjubatus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL !!! I think you had better tell him. How false can a person be ? You want your cake and eat it too. You want the best of two worlds. What a sick thought. It is not fair for you to marry a man and then not tell him. Well I bet you any money, if he would know that you are a bi, then for sure he would not want you. I know another woman who is twenty eight and she is a bi. She has put her decent man through hades hell. She neglects him and the kids. All she wants to do is run with her girl friend. What a misserable man she has developed. You are wrong 100% now and always. I will tell you what to do !! Do not get married. You will ruin the man. Stay single and then you can have what ever you want. Sounds like you are a real arrogant woman. You should be ashamed of yourself for thinking of only you. I bet your favorite words are: ME MINE and I. I pity the poor man that marries you.
2006-09-03 22:40:14 · answer #3 · answered by Norskeyenta 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are one confused person! You are in NO position to be giving answers. Most of your questions are asked from the stand point of "I want something people wouldn't approve of and yet I want my cake and to eat it too", or carpet in this case... Seriously, you need to make a list of things you want to do before you die, THEN do them over the next year and not worry about what if's and who thinks what's.... Be yourself and stop looking for a pseudo mommy and daddy to approve (and in your case hope they will disapprove and thus feed your ego) toward your own fantasies. Your Bi face it, you can't always find your G-spot, get over it, you want to be married and keep hidden feelings and a sexual affair from your future husband, get over it. These are the sort of things you fantasize about in High School and talk with your friends about before age 16, by now you should know what you want and where your going. Personally, I think your wrong to HAVE a relationship and actually then HAVE an affair with a woman behind his back, I DONT think your wrong to want it. Why NOT want him to know about it? You want his trust and love yet you want your own hidden agenda as well? Then you don't want a relationship, a partnership or even a close friendship. Your even worried about what a future husband would think of you for being bi! If he was that up tight then why would you marry him to begin with. Stop thinking about what other people want or live your whole life by what others want, you won't be able to deal with both.
2006-09-04 14:30:48 · answer #4 · answered by haildarklord 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK first how old are you, 12? Sounds to me like you don't want to admit that you are a lesbian.....You are interested in marriage for companionship and not the sex? What you plan on getting married and think you husband will not want to have sex with you? Your marriage will be built on lies....and will not last...you need therapy....
2006-09-04 03:03:32 · answer #5 · answered by M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are setting yourself and your spouse up for a lifetime of lies, manipulation, and confusion. If you want my permission to marry based on lies then I can't give it.
If you want an open relationship, good, great. I haven't been in a closed relationship for a very long time. I don't believe in monogamy.
I don't see why you just don't marry a woman. You CAN do that now-a-days. This isn't the 50's, you don't need a beard. You can have a nice, healthy, emotionally stable marriage and children with a girl you know. There is absolutely no logic to what you are proposing.
There is a whole lot of fear in what you are proposing. And I don't for a second believe that you WANT to be in a loveless, sexless, sham of a marriage that will turn you into a bitter old hag who lies to all her family members, f*cks up her kids (cuz believe me, your kids will need therapy FOREVER to repair the damage you will do to them, you'll be teaching them to lie, manipulate, and how to be unhappy and take that unhappiness out on everyone around them), and wastes some poor man's life by building a marriage based on lies that takes up the best years of his life.
What you are proposing is sociopathic. Sociopaths are people who don't take other people's feelings into consideration, who constantly violate the rights of others, compulsively lie, and who feel no guilt for what they do because they feel justified in hurting others to get what they want and make themselves feel good.
I would think long and hard about where a path like this will lead you, who it will make you (and your spouse and children) into, and if that is who you want to be just because you're too much of a chickenshit to just come out and have a nice, normal, and emotionally healthy relationship with a girl.
2006-09-04 01:54:17 · answer #6 · answered by dani_kin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just make sure you are truthful with the person you marry. It's only fair to him that he knows this. Why start out a marriage with a lie? There are lots of men who wouldn't care about this and if you marry someone without telling him this, that is a bad start to a relationship.
2006-09-03 22:34:11 · answer #7 · answered by Chick with pets 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I think already dooming a relationship from the get go just cause you want a marriage for love (but you're limiting it to meet specifications) and lying about yourself is wrong. But II have heard this before from men which is why I am always going to be hesitant to get involved with any bi guys. It just ruins it for all the true bi people who are going to be honest in life and makes them seem like they are as attention grabbing as others.
2006-09-03 23:00:16 · answer #8 · answered by laydlo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your own heart, don't ask others what it is you should do. If you are that confused, you better cool it , backtrack a little and decide what is best for you. I can promise you that if you get married and there is no intimacy you are going to have a lot of problems with your marriage.
2006-09-03 22:34:59 · answer #9 · answered by HappyCat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How could you possibly feel comfortable lying to someone who cares enough about you to marry you. You'd be cheating him out of a fulfilling relationship to please your own selfish superficial needs. And, where do you think you'll find a woman who'd want to stick around in the closet while you go home to hubby? You'd be cheating yourself out of love. Bi-sexuality is NOT about having everything you want at the same time while disregarding the needs of others. Geeze, grow up.
2006-09-03 22:41:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋