Is my marriage really over?

Question

Hubby & I have been married 4 yrs... the last 4 mths we've been constantly fighting... we have 2 kids a 2 yr boy & a 7 mth girl... my problem is that I feel like i've been pushed to the side... his work comes first (works 60 hrs a week) then the kids... then whatever else is important at the time and i guess i'm throw in somewhere at the end. I told him I was unhappy and lonely.. and he said... well i don't know what i'm supose to do... I have to work and when i get home i wanna spend time with the kids... so I started chatting online... I have come across a special connection with someone... I moved out last week & told my husband it was over because he just doesn't seem to care... i told him about this other guy... he said that i'm basically a cheater... now this other guy wants to meet me and we've arranged flights and hotels... I'm so confused because I do love my husband but he doesn't seem to care... do i meet this other guy? or will l regret it? is my marriage over?

Answer 1

It sounds like to me you & your spouse have hit a "bump" in the road. With everyday life it is so easy for this to happen,but this is where you need to take the wheel in your marriage. Sounds like to me you have a husband that actually works & has feeling for your kids, I pat him on the back for this. The way the world is today you should feel very appreciative for this. Take the wheel & make time for you & him,get a sitter for the kids for a nite & find that love that you 2 once shared in your life. Your husband may also feel neglected just like you,so put the spice back in it. Make him realise that you are still as sexy as ever. You chatting on line is no big crime but you meeting another man is. YOU ARE A MARRIED WOMAN !!! The grass is not greener on the other side always remember that. Meeting another man is not going to fill the void that you are missing in your life at all,all it will do is make life complicated. You have kids that will end up paying for this huge mistake that you are fixing to make. Try & sit down with your husband & the 2 of you have a heart 2 heart talk with no secrets. Take the time & i'm sure hopefully the 2 of you will see that each of you have been missing each other in the same ways....Good Luck

Answer 2

First, close your eyes for a minute and take a deep breath. Second, you haven't done anything to regret yet, so just clear your mind. Your baby girl is only seven months old, you may also be dealing with something more than feelings of neglect, maybe a bit of postpartum depression. It is IMPORTANT to talk to your doctor before doing anything that you WILL regret. It is very difficult when you feel that you have been pushed to the side. The job, the kids, and you wherever. It sounds like counseling would be a good thing. I am not a doctor, nor do I pretend to be good at analyzing anyone's marriage. But I have learned a thing or two. I have been married for ten years to a Navy man, we have three kids and have moved twelve times total along with seven deployments and God only knows how many weeks spent apart...enough to make anyone want to pack their bags and just give up. But, that isn't the way marriage works. If it were that easy, our vows would not have for better or worse, for richer for poorer, and in sickness and health til death do us part in it. If your husband isn't listening to you, and moving out didn't wake him up, then essentially, he may feel that you have just already given up without giving anything a try, and I am sure that you feel the same about him. BOTH of you have legitimate feelings. Counseling would be SO beneficial, especailly if you find the kind of counselor who instead of enjoying the sound of his/her own voice, actually listens...somewhere, a happy medium could be found. You need to plan date nights...maybe every saturday, arrange the babysitter, and the evening out. Even if it is just for a few hours. And if you don't have the money, because not everyone does, do something at home, and switch off with a friend or relative for their kids. You have a special connection with someone else because you are lonely, and because you are looking for the attention you should be getting from the man you married. You shouldn't meet him, You WILL regret it, and your marriage isn't over unless you say it is. If you still love him, then it is worth fighting for. Don't give up.

Answer 3

Lets see. Your husband works 60 hours a week. When he's not working, he spends time with your children. What a monster! I notice you don't mention that you are working outside the home, but with two young children that is reasonable. So, you are home, and he works a job and a half, to support his family. So you go on-line, and find a "special" friend. And now you plan to go visit this noble prince, to excape that hideous man you're married to. You've already got flights and hotels arranged. You say you love your husband, and I must admit that arranging to fly away to screw this prince is a wonderful display of love for your husband; and shows a real concern for your young children. By the way, you didn't mention taking your kids to meet Prince Spermy- so I assume your husband gets to also juggle his job, deal with your little adventure, AND take care of his(and your) children. Perhaps after you finish spreading your legs for Prince Spermy, you can run for Mother of the Year. I know I'd vote for you. Lady, I hope you are proud. You've managed to screw your life up, destroy your marriage, and will hopefully lose your children. And, you seem to resent that hubby said that you are a cheater? Exactly what reasoning do you use, so that what you are doing ISN'T cheating?

Answer 4

Since you haven't actually cheated yet, you might have a chance. Go back to your husband, beg his forgiveness, ask to have marriage counseling and try to save your marriage.

You have two babies you are walking away for for a man who thinks its ok to get involved with a married woman and the mother of two small children. What kind of man is that and why would you want to be involved with him.

I don't know if it'll work, if I was your husband, I'd toss your sorry butt out and keep the kids and everything else. But he just had a baby with you less than a year ago, so maybe he will forgive you and give you another chance.

If he does, then in that counseling, tell him that you need to feel important to him, and that he is your husband first, before he's an employee and a father. Work this out with the counselor.

Good luck, you are going to need it.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to say this - but you sound really immature. If your husband is working 60 hours a week to support you and the kids PLUS spending time with the kids - you should be counting your blessings! Go ahead and hook up with the "Internet guy". I had a friend who did it. He was a "business owner". great catch, etc. She married him after talking extensively on line with him for 6 weeks. They were soul mates and knew everything about each other. He was the sensitive man she had longed for and could quote poetry and "chat" with her into the wee hours of the night. But wait - he left out the part about being in debt with the IRS and in the process of losing his business- being an Internet pornographer - not being divorced yet and beating her and her children until she finally got the guts to get a restraining order against him and move back home. Grow up and thank God for what you have. You are living in a fantasy world!!!

Answer 6

NO, it's not over...Only if you want it to be...I understand where you're coming from...The problem is actually not with your husband...It's within yourself...You chose to have a family and having a husband and having kids takes alot of work and the most part of it ends up you being alone...Now the key is if you can find something to entertain yourself until your life has situated itself...Believe me in time it will...The kids are still young and in the long run they will appreciate you more...

First of all, what you need to do is get off these online chat rooms and find something that interests you...Like an art class, or a night out with just adults to get some peace of mind...Get yourself active or more involved in your lil kids life...Just please don't throw away your marriage...You married for rich or poor for sickness and health...This is part of marriage...Try to get some help, but chatting n meeting other guys is not the answer...Believe me you married a good husband...He is spending time with the kids after a 60 hours work week...You have been blessed...Most fathers out there don't give the kids a minute of their time...He does care...I don't see why you don't think he does...

If anything think about the kids and less about yourself...Try to keep yourself busy with other things...Things that will make you happy...

Just a lil hint: I was in your possition at one point in time...Then I created my own business that I do at home...It actually intrigged my husband and gave us both the chance to build on our relationship...

Hope the best for you.

Answer 7

It appears you are suffering from depression. When that happens a person either stays to fight to make things right or they flee and leave the whole situation. If you continue with this other man, then yes your marriage is over. You need to sit down and talk with your husband in a calm manner or even with a marriage counselor. It seems that your busy life just took over and you feel overlooked and lost. First try to find a way to work this out. Do not go running to another man. That solves nothing. Of course things would seem better with a new person, for they are not involved in your problems. That doesn't mean they do not have a whole suitcase full of their own. Try to talk things out and maybe you both can find answers to changing the way your lives are now.

Answer 8

I want to thank you for reinforcing why I will never ever have children! What's the connection? Well, I have had the misfortune of marrying 1 selfish woman like you that only cares about herself, not her kids or her husband. Like you, she was unappreciative and didn't understand that the reason she got to live in a big house out in the country, drive new vehicles, go on ridiculous vacations, have boats, never worry about an account balance when she went shopping, etc., was because I worked hard to give her that life. Fortunately, we didn't have kids yet because I just don't know how I could deal with a miserable, cheating, selfish exwife if she took my kids too. Its bad enough to deal with a miserable excuse for a human like my exwife, let alone having to deal with her for 18 years after the divorce.

Sure, my words sound harsh, but if I were other women I would be down right hateful, because it is situations like this that cause successful, hard working men to not marry women anymore.

Have a wonderful life with your molester internet buddy for multiple states away that you have never met before. Oh, sorry, that wont happen. He is just gonna get with you and move on. Seriously, what level of dude just jimps in blindly with a married woman with a tribe of kids? There has to be some issues there.

Good Day

Answer 9

@@@@@@@@@@NO SYMPATHY HERE@@@@@@@@

YOUR HUSBAND IS RIGHT !!!!!!! you are cheating just becuase it isnt physical doesnt mean it isnt cheating if your husband was online and talking about hooking up with another woman you would be the first to scream foul and you know its the truth. but i suspect you dont give a crap what i think since its not a feel good answer, its not agreeing with you and saying do what you think "FEELS" good or im not saying " YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HAPPY" no the only people that have that right in your family at this point is your kids but hey im sure some people will tell you diffrent so the hell with those bratts mom is more important. i feel for your husband here he is doing right by his family the best he can. im guessing you are one of those people who believe life he should be 99% you and the world should have the other 1% unfortunately for you, your husband is actually wrong and should have always put you first and every thing else last but he screwed up and really needs to learn his wife always comes first then the children. but hey you dont care about that truthfully, your still looking over and seeing the grass greener on the other side and your still going to screw your family over to "FEEL" i person who actually is reconsidering not doing it wouldnt boast they even have hotel reservations they would actually prefer hide such info from the world , you on the other hand are showing off and leads us to conclude you actually are using this husband thing to excuse what your going to do and are looking for people to validate it, and i think you will get it from those who condone cheating but the rest of us think your a low life and you have no morals and your children and husband will be better off with out you i hope this man you meet up with. (and you will) has some desease or is worse then your husband and i hope your husband has more sense then to let you burn him twice. oh and btw way your husband is also incorrect about somthing else "basically a cheater" you have not protected your marriage and forsaken all others so you did breach your marriage and thus you are definately a bif fat lying weasle of a cheater. goodluck i hope its worth it. in 20 years im sure your kids will say gee your right mom dad playing with us after work was a horible thing and i understand why you left him.

Answer 10

You are going to met a guy you know nothing about, in a city that is not home, at a hotel. Your marriage will be over if you do this. This guy only wants a piece of *** - yours.

What I did when my kids were little was have a once a month date with my hubby. Get a baby sitter, and go out to a movie and dinner; miniature golf and ice cream, anything to get some alone time for just the two of you.