If after 30 years of marriage you found out your husband had been cheating on you for the last 3 years with an ex work s--t. Could you forgive him. It was not all his fault we had been having problems but that really blew me away. Please if anyone has any similar problems can you let me know. What really took the cake was she knew he was married and didn't care. All she cared about was getting what she wanted which was him.He even left me for her when l found out, l dont think he could handle the guilt.She is well and trully off the scene now for good and will be off the face of the earth if l ever see her around. We are working things out at the moment.What do you all think?
2006-09-03 14:47:30 · 20 answers · asked by kazzadanni 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We don't have to" live with the decision" of leaving him, or staying with him. So, its totally a personal call. My husband had a mid life crisis a couple of years ago. He left me, bought a red souped up truck, and started seeing someone 20 years younger. He eventually came around and seen that these things were not as important to him as he had thought. We were able to work things out after a year of being divorced. My decision to take him back was based on the fact that I still loved him. We had 25 years worth of good and bad memories. Before we remarried, we fought threw every issue we had that was never resolved. We have been remarried for over a year. Things are better than they have ever been. Until this situation actually happens to someone and they stand to see what is being taken away from them, makes them no wiser to concept of forgiveness. I believe everyone, put in the perfect situation, can stray. Living with that, one can come to terms with it easier, weighing out the quality of life you have had, plus taking into consideration your children, grandchildren, the friends the two of you made together, and then main factor of "do you still love this person?" This is a lot to sacrifice especially, when most let pride get in their way of good judgment. So with all pride and forgiveness aside, was and is your life with your husband worth saving? When you answer that question, then you have the ultimate reason to stay or go.
2006-09-03 15:12:25 · answer #1 · answered by smplyme132 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 17 years and found out that my husband was having an affair for the past year and a half. I told him to leave. I do not regret it at all. We had are problems before it happened, but that did not give him the right to cheat with another woman.3 years is a long time to share your life with someone, so there must have been some stronge feelings between them. Has he ever told you why he cheated? Maybe that would be were you need to start, but it is real hard to forgive. I can not bring myself to forgive, I see her in my mind when I talk to him. It hurts to bad for me, but I do wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out. Whether you forgive or not.
2006-09-03 22:49:00 · answer #2 · answered by konfusedkathy2006 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First i have to say to ur comment, "it was not all his fault" the hell it wasnt.. just because u were having problems in ur marriage doesnt let him off the hook for being a liar and a cheater, so dont u dare take any of the blame for him needing to have sex with another woman.. i dont care if you were a crazed psycho if it was that bad he should of left u before he cheated on u, but he got what he wanted his cake and ate it too..
Could i forgive him, Maybe, doubtful, But maybe.. could i forget.. NOPE impossible, every time he even looked in the direction of another female my skin would crawl, every time he made love to me id wonder if it was her he was thinking about.. it would eat me up inside right to my very core and i think in the long run it would end up destroying our marriage..
I hope things work out for u, i really do, but it will take u being a strong woman and not throwing it in his face.. every time u turn around, the only way ur marriage will survive is if u atleast pretend to lock it up some where inside of u as if it never happened...
2006-09-03 21:54:26 · answer #3 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
30 years of marriage is a long time and worth working at. However, a 3 year long infidelity is a lot to forgive. 3 years is a long term relationship, not a one-time "I screwed up". What did you husband feel was missing from your marriage that he had to find in an outside relationship? (Keep in mind they had a RELATIONSHIP, an affair does not last for YEARS). Marriage counseling would be good for both of you. You need to work on your anger towards this woman. She may be a terrible person and s__t, but you should be angry at your husband, not her. You took marriage vows with your husband, not with this other woman. Your husband is the one who broke the trust -- the other woman knew he was married and didn't care. It's not her place to enforce marriage fidelity -- that was your husband's job. It's good knowing he has ending it with her. Now get into counseling and work on your marriage. Good luck and God Bless.
2006-09-03 21:57:44 · answer #4 · answered by LasVegasMomma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that he left you for her when you found out is weird, he should of been begging for forgiveness not walking out on you. I dont know all the details of the marraige but if things were fine before this and he is a good guy that you think deserves you then I would probably forgive him but he needs to realize what he did or it might happen again. How hard is he trying to work things out and get your forgiveness? Everyone makes mistakes.
2006-09-03 21:58:21 · answer #5 · answered by TAWNIE 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
For one it I found out my man cheated I could never look at him the same way my respect and feelings of that person would be out the door. Problems or not that is not a good excuse to cheat. If you or your man are not happy and nothing is working to help the relationship best just to get out, life is to short to waste. I guess I'm to happy with myself to be unhappy with someone else.
2006-09-03 22:23:10 · answer #6 · answered by crystal m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're giving the woman too much credit (blame) in this situation. It took two to tango. There's no excuse for cheating. Had he tried to work it out with you instead of focusing his energies on another woman, that would have been the right thing to do. If he wanted to go out with someone else, he should have divorced you first, then gone out. You didn't deserve his infidelity.
2006-09-03 21:53:15 · answer #7 · answered by watergirl54 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do not think it is easy. It happen to me after 29 years of marriage. He said he wanted me and her. I said please stay somewhere else while you choose. He did, went to the town where she lived and I think they moved in together.I filed for Divorce and it was over in three months. It has been two years and I miss him still. He did not even give us a chance after I asked him to leave. I am sorry, Its a hard thing to live with. They were co workers also and she was married also
2006-09-03 23:19:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st of all it was his fault not yours,he new that he was married ,oh well you guys hit a bump in the road we all do ,but did you go out and get yourself another man? Been there but it was me who was lonely in my marriage , my fault ,? My husband and I have since reunited but it's the same again , his fault for not putting more effort in ,and my fault for returning . Do you honestly trust in your heart & soul that your man won't step out again. He was aloud to come home too you after all , to comfy to cozy for now , your life you have to make that choice I just pray you don't have kids while you 2 are on this merry-go-round !!!!
2006-09-03 22:06:01 · answer #9 · answered by yvette b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is NO EXCUSE for cheating, so don't make excuses for him like "we had been having problems"... HE MADE A CHOICE, and he chose to decieve you...And for THREE YEARS. OMG! Address the problem which is HIM. If you want to stay with this man, I would suggest counseling first.
As for the woman, what else do you know about her?
2006-09-03 22:04:21 · answer #10 · answered by YourAnswer... 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋