So i was molested as a child... now i am 17?

Question

So i was molested as a child and now i am 17. I have told a couple friends but i still cant help but think something is emotionally wrong. I have been pretty good at hiding my emotional insecurity but i think it is time i get some help.
Now I think the logical thing to do would be to tell my parents but. It was their best friend who did it and I don't think that they would believe me. I am also, believe it or not, still a bit ashamed. Hell, I still have to say hi and be nice to the guys each time i see him in church (which my parents make me go to). It kinda takes its toll and most the time i feel like busting out and hurting the guy. Another thing is my parents are ultra christian fanatics. Both of them being ministers and i fear that if i tell them they will make me go to a religious shrink who won't look at the problem logically but instead seek help in god. Not that i dont trust in God.
Does anyone have a suggestion as to what i should do

Answer 1

First I am sorry for your experience. I experienced the same thing. i grew up in a family big in church and spent 10 years working for a church helping kids and thier families. We were fortunate that we had a pshycologist on our church staff who helped with thing like this. Though she was a christian it was not "just pray and get better" stuff.. you might be surprised at who they want you to see and how that counslor might be able to help.

I know your frustration and your need to talk with someone. This issue will continue to be difficult and the sooner you began the process the better off you will be. I wish I had not waited until I was 30 and it was bothering me so much.

There are several reasons you must talk with someone.

1. This guy needs to be exposed. If he has molested you, he will and or is molesting others. This kind of stuff, as you know really can mess with your head... it makes you question your sexuality etc. and he needs to be stopped.

2. You need to talk with someone for your own benefit and mental health and to help you realize that none of this is your fault. If you don't it will haunt you in ways you cannot imagine. Depression etc come to most who have been molested.

So the deal with your parents....If you are afraid to talk with them because they may come unglued and do the whole "it was your fault or you must be lying" or say "just pray and you will get over it", you need to talk with another adult who can help you - a school counsler, a trusted youth minister, even a cop and have them go with you to talk to your parents. You might be surprised at their response... maybe you try talking with them first and if they don't understand your need to talk with someone then go the above route. But you must must must must go get help in daeling with what happened to ya. I bet you will be surprised by your parents willingness to do what ever you want. If they take you to someone you think is a just a plain weird religous shrink freak that is not going to help you , tell them and insist on going to see someone else.

you have taken a big step just by admitting that this guy did this and you want to do something about it...don't chicken out... go on forward with whatever it takes-- be stong and remember that until you stand up and say he this guy is a jerk then he still has control of you and your thoughts. Exposing him and taking control your life with the help of your family and professionals will benefit not only you but others as well..

Dude God is on our side - keep your belief in him and he will help you find your way through this crap... with the help of family and others who are not psyhco...

Answer 2

Be glad when you are on your own and can move out and have your own life and not have to share one with your parents and their bad friend. At some point when you are grown you should tell them, then expect the worst reaction you can imagine. My cousin's brother molested her son and when she confronted her parents they defended the molester and said her son was lying. She had a hard time forgiving her mother and never went back to her mothers house again.
You could go see a counselor at school. The school nurse. Eventually there may even be charges brought against him on your part. You might not have been the only one he molested. Especially in a church setting. Some of the worst people hide in some good churches. Just type in Search the Web "child molestation in church". You will see this is a common thng and it does not make it right. Its totally wrong.

Answer 3

I would suggest that you start by telling your parents that you want to see a counselor of your choosing about something very personal, and that you will bring them into the mix as soon as you establish a relationship with the right professional. Try to expalin that you need their trust. then, bring them to a session and tell them there. this will probably help them get behind you when you finally tell them. It will also be very valuable for you to have your therapist there to support you. Dont be afraid. This person must be sanctioned by the authorities if possible. It might feel very liberating to bring it all into the light. YOur spiritual upbringing has taught you that bringing everything into a space of light and love is the path to healing. Right? Would your parents not agree? Be fearless, and hold your head high. You are NOT what happened to you. Who you are beyond name and form will be able to be more fully expressed when this is no longer a secret. With or without your parents, though, you should be taking this to the authorities. Find someone to help you in that pursuit. a teacher, school counselor, call a free leagal clinic, go into the police station and ask. good luck to you.

Answer 4

Go and talk to someone you trust...another adult and tell him/her what happened and how old you were at the time. Then have that person go with you to tell your parents. They need to know. As ministers, they should want to protect you from further harm as well as protect other people in your church. What he did to you was not only wrong, but illegal. It was not your fault. Victims of molestation or sexual abuse usually feel it was their fault, that they did something wrong to attract the pervert. The truth is you did nothing wrong. He was the adult, and is therefore responsible for his actions however inappropriate. If your parents do not acknowlege what you say as truth...keep telling it till someone listens. It is possible that this guy did it to others too.
Many people would also consider me an ultra christian fanatic because I love God so much... I am charismatic... but that would not stop me from protecting my family! I would choose to forgive the person who did this, but that does not excuse them from the crime they committed. While I forgive, that lets me deal with the anger and vengence I would normally feel. But the law is not so forgiving...especially if you have some proof of any kind. So be strong and courageous, and pray for guidance in this. It could affect a lot of things in your life. ...if you open this up...and if you don't. God will guide you. He loves you. He wants you to heal.

Answer 5

Are you still in school. Can you go to a guidance counselor first before telling your parents? Maybe your counselor can be there when you tell your parents. This is a very large burden you've been carrying around all by yourself. If you need to talk further you can send me a message through this account. I am a mother of 4 the oldest being 24, youngest being 5. I too had someone harm me as a child. There isn't anything to feel ashamed about. These pedophiles try to make us feel like its our fault through actions & words, it's all part of their mind games.
You mentioned it's your parents best friend. Not too good of a friend huh? Please get help for yourself. You deserve to get this out in the open. If your parents don't believe you, then the problem is theirs. You go to police,...other family members, anyone who will listen. If this happened to you it probably happened to others. Reach out someone will be there to grab your hand.
Good Luck!!! I'll pray for you!!!
Please contact me if you need to talk.

Answer 6

You NEED to tell your parents! If they don't believe you, then you go to the police! Chances are, if this guy did this to you, then he's going to do it to someone else, if he already hasn't. Do you really want someone else to go through the same experience? No child deserves to go through something so horrible, and you could be the one to help make sure he's not able to do it again. It's obvious you are a strong individual already, but imagine how much it would empower you to expose him for the sicko that he is. As for you... you definitely need to seek some help. This kind of thing needs to be treated; it won't just go away. Your adult life will be affected by this as well and you will undoubtedly suffer until the issues are addressed. God never gives us more than we can handle. Just trust that He will see you through, and He will. I'll say a prayer for you.
Good luck

Answer 7

See what I do if I have a problem and try to do it like me ok if you want, draw a line and split the thoughts inside your mind and let the past and the bad memory in a side and the other side is empty then imagine that you have a eraser and erase the bad memory, now you will see nothing in your mind, and when I do this I keep telling my self this a new start and let the past be past nothing to worry about, get confident in your self don’t let you shame control you, and don’t get shy you are still young you have your life to live on, I hope that I can help you more I wish and the best luck for you.

ps:
Advice, stop talking that you have been molested and don’t think about it and don’t tell no one, and that will be your secret ok.

Answer 8

properly strictly talking the age of consent defines the age while the guy stops being a new child, so if the age of consent is eighteen then technically a 17 twelve months previous is a minor, even with the actuality that i do no longer think of many 17 twelve months olds might relish being defined as a new child, regardless of their criminal status. I agree that that's stupid that for the duration of many US states somebody of 18 years and 3 months having intercourse with somebody of 17 years and 11 months might legally be considered in precisely the comparable way as a 30 twelve months previous having intercourse with a 12 twelve months previous.

Answer 9

whew, this is a tough one, and I pity your dilemma.
Have you confronted the man that molested you, now that you are grown -with your concerns?
I hope you realize that the man has a sickness, NOT YOU.
He DOES need to be stopped from doing this to anyone else, what if he does this to your brother, sister, or a friend?
Have you tried social services DFACS? They WILL investigate this, and although your parents may not believe you and have doubts, YOU will be doing the right thing to prevent someone else from going through this.
YOU need to seek counseling to 'get this off of your chest'.
YOU know the truth, that is all that matters. I commend you on your braveness in confronting this horrible situation, and I hope you will post on here and let us know how it goes.....

Answer 10

perverts suck! report him, you have nothing to be embarrassed about! you didn't do anything wrong yet. You should think about this though, how many other little girls is he allowed to be around cuz folks think he is a good Christian? People need to know the truth so they can protect their families! What if it happened to another girl before you? wouldn't you be a little angry with her for not preventing him from doing this to you? Tell the folks,and if they don't believe you, then tell the guidance counselor at school, they will help!