I recently inherited (and live in) a house from an uncle in a small gated community where everyone knows everyone else. He was an unofficial mentor, sort of a "big brother" to a troubled 13 year old boy in the neighborhood. The boy has been in trouble with the law and in and out of Juvie a few times last year, but seemed to have been doing better since my uncle took an interest. At least that's what my uncle told me. I have since learned that the boy had been stealing from my uncle and in trouble with the law a few more times. Three of my neighbors have warned me to stay away from him and told stories of his now legendary rage. Before I learned of this I had been considering taking up where my uncle left off and doing what I could for him, around working full time and night school.
My questions: Should I take the chance that I could do this kid some good? If not, How do I tell him to stop coming around without him killing me in my sleep, or any other mayhem he may invent?
2006-09-03 13:57:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
PS: I never told him, or let him believe I would be there for him in any way. He just assumed that because my uncle liked him that he is welcome to come over anytime
2006-09-03 13:59:55 · update #1
I would definetly, nicely just tell him that you are sorry but since the death of your uncle, you do not have the extra time to spend with him as your uncle did. Also, if you have a boyfriend or even a friend who is a guy, invite him over and maybe he can help talk to the young man. The sooner you take care of this, the better.
2006-09-03 14:08:48 · answer #1 · answered by nadine2548 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you believe that helping this kid would do some actual good then go to it, if you have the time. If you feel that its a waste, then you need to let him know in the gentlest way possible. Regardless of the theft from your uncle, he quite possibly had some connection with him and cared for him some. He could be going through some grief stuff himself. If you are afraid of what this kid is capable of, be sure to share your concerns with the local police, just to be on the safe side. You should not feel guilt of any sort if you don't want to help this kid out, that was your uncle's choice, not yours.
Helping trouble youth is a commendable effort. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Its frustrating at times, but it can be incredibly rewarding! Its up to you though, you have to make the choice on what you think its right for your life.
Good luck :)
2006-09-03 14:11:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing to do would be to sit down with this boy and calmly discuss what you've found out. Tell him, you would like to wipe the slate clean and be able to start fresh, but he had to promise to give an honest effort in staying on the straight and narrow. Tell him you believe in him and you believe he's better than this and would like to help, but you are not going to be used. If he's up for the challenge, then by all means, help him. If he's not, then honey, I'm sorry to say it's time to let him go. You can't help those who refuse to help themselves. I also wouldn't worry about him coming to kill you in his sleep. Alot of times neighbors see a troubled kid and the stories grow bigger as they go down the line. If there is cause for concern, go to your local police department and learn the nature of his crimes. If they are violent, invest in some more locks and tell the security personal he is no longer welcome.
If you'd rather not have the hassle of dealing with this at all. Simply invite him over or call him and explain to him that you are not able to help him as much as your uncle did. Tell him that your schedule does not allow you to be available as much and hope he finds someone else in life to lead him in the right direction.
2006-09-03 14:09:16 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change the locks in your house, advise the neighbours that you cannot involve yourself with this person and ask them to keep a look out.
Tell the young man that you cannot mentor him, that he needs another mature male figure and that Big Brothers - or whoever set it up with your uncle - will be much better able to help him than you can.
and BE FIRM. Don't let him manipulate you into giving him "another chance" etc., you don't want to do it, you're not paired up with him to address his problems and you already told him what to do.
Good luck.
2006-09-03 14:01:20 · answer #4 · answered by kerangoumar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would change the locks to the house, get an ADT system for it and if he comes around: you need to firmly tell him that you can not help him out. He's not your responsibility. If you think he's a threat or he's done something around your property, contact your local authorities. If it's a gated community, there has to be some way to keep him out. He doesn't belong there anyway.
2006-09-03 14:10:33 · answer #5 · answered by Jenna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be nice of you to lend him a hand. If he needs someone to talk to, you could be there for him.
Although, I suggest you don't give him money, and don't let him be alone in your house if he had stolen before. If you find out he does steal stuff, report him anonymously to the police.
Just tell him you don't really know him well enough for him to be coming around all the time. It'd be hard for him to hear, but if you don't want him around, then you need to tell him.
2006-09-03 14:11:17 · answer #6 · answered by laura.ispurple 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
alot of our youth need help and guidance now a days but for u to pick up where ur uncle left off might be more than u can handle.. ur already fearing for ur life thinking that he might harm u if u don't help him but what happens when u help him and it's not enough or he starts stealing from u..
u need to worry bout u.. u need to refer him to some type of big brother program..
2006-09-03 14:08:10 · answer #7 · answered by casssidy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to set the boundaries in a clear and concise manner.You might have a tlk with the probations officer.
If you have serious evidence then go for a restrianing order.Sounds mean,I know.Good Luck
2006-09-03 14:08:42 · answer #8 · answered by nancy e 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you live in a gated community, just put the mark of cain on him and he will not be able to get in to see you, On the outside you can ask for a protective order if he persists.
2006-09-03 14:04:50 · answer #9 · answered by sawmill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's up to you. It would be very generous of you to do so with the boy, but if you chose not to, you may want to alert the proper authorities, or someone with some sort of power to be safe.
2006-09-03 14:08:59 · answer #10 · answered by I shan't say. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋