I have dated him for 13 years off and on, we have split up so many times in the past, but always get back together.How can I move on with my life and get him out of my head when we split up again? We also have a daughter so there will always be some kind of contact.
2006-09-03 13:53:14 · 21 answers · asked by c69mayo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You eventually have to ask yourself the question just how many years of your life do you want to squander on this man? You have repeatedly broken up with him and then your low self esteem kicks in and you believe he is as good as it is going to get and then you get back with him all over again.
The longer you stay with this guy the longer you will not be happy. The older you get the harder it is to find someone new. Every year you waste makes it ever harder to find a real relationship.
2006-09-03 14:11:16 · answer #1 · answered by ZCT 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yea well, you assume there will always be some kind of contact but the truth is, if you really do leave and never go back to him you will eventually get on with your life. But you must remember that he will to. I used to work for a Divorce Lawyer and if I've seen it once, I've seen it a hundred times; some of these men will find a new love start a new family and slowly forget about you and will drift away from his daughter. Whoever you marry will take on the roll of father to your child. He will be the one raising her and she'll always respect him. (that is as long as you marry the right man) Stop worrying about the future of this current relationship. Get the hell out and stay the hell away from him. He's a looser and he's literally sucking the life out of you. Some men have to be in complete control of everything and that includes what you wear, what you say, who your friends are, where you go, what you drive, etc. Basically, they are sick of themselves and want someone to blame. He needs therapy but will probably never seek it.
You should consider contacting an abuse center for yourself. Being with a man like that for so long, can brain wash you into believing some of the things that he has repeatedly told you about yourself. You're going to need some help finding yourself and rebuilding your self confidence. My best friend back home is currently going through the exact same thing. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were her.
2006-09-03 14:06:57 · answer #2 · answered by Shawnie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Verbal abuse is just the beginning. I don't understand why you would even consider staying with him. Having a kid with someone doesn't mean you have to put up with bullsh**! You have a daughter why would you, want her to grow up and think that any kind of abuse is OK. It stopped being about you the moment you had your daughter. You have been off and on for 13 years, how do you think your daughter feels! You need to make a stable life style for her. Get over the fact, the relationship is at a dead end. It has been for a long time. Move on, and put your daughter first. Or stay with the abuser and watch your life and your kid's life go down the drain!
2006-09-03 14:01:11 · answer #3 · answered by Ty 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Thirteen years? Damn!! No commitment? Damn!!!
Abuse is abuse. Period.
Verbal abuse also causes emotional abuse. Sometimes I thinkI'd rather get hit cause the physical wounds heal, but the emotional abuse sticks.
I found out that most men who abuse tend to constantly have the creativity to make you feel as if it's all your fault. Their problems always stem from something you lack and don't supply for them.
EVERYTHING, everything is your fault. They can't focus or accomplish anything because of something you are or are not doing. Nothing is ever their fault.
They are weak. If you pay attention you probably do all the functional things in the relationship. They are the one that makes the relationship disfunctional and they know that, that's why they blame you. They prey on that and use it to their advantage so they can feel powerful when deep down they know they are "the weakiest link". BYE!!! BYE!!!!
Do you want your daughter to expect that this is normal in a relationship? Do it for her.
Know what's funny? (not funny ha!ha!, but funny weird), most of these type of abusers whould kill a man if another man treated their mother or daughter with that much disrespect.
Aren't you pretty much in a non-existant relationship anyway? Do you call how you relate to each other commited? It's over and he knows it (that's why he is abusive), and he also knows that with the heart you have you will constantly try to prove him wrong and he can continue being the *** he is.
IT'S ALLREADY OVER. You want to leave but don't want to be gone.
GOO LUCK!!!!
Love, peace and hair grease!!!!
2006-09-03 14:30:14 · answer #4 · answered by mzpickles 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not married to him! You need to cut off all contact with him!!!!! Break the cycle! Get away from him and stay away from him. You don't need him in your life or your daughters if he's being abusive and not taking the responsibility for his own behavior. If you continue to keep in contact with him, this kind of thing will go on forever. You need to see a therapist. You obviously don't know when enough is enough?! Get that man out of your life and find someone else who will treat you better! You deserve that much...don't you think?
2006-09-03 14:02:04 · answer #5 · answered by Jenna 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Leave, leave, get away for yours and your daughters sake. This guy will never change and you DO NOT deserve to be treated this way. If your daughter sees you accepting this abuse she will have less respect for you. And, there is a better chance she will have a similar abusive relationship. Because this type of treatment will seem normal to her,even thought it's not.
I grew up in a household like this and I know of what I speak. My mom said she stayed with dad for us kids. We would have been far better off without this abuse. Think about yours and your daughter future. If there's a way to break totally free, do it. Your lives can be your own, without guilt. My best hopes go with you to be strong. Charley
2006-09-03 14:11:21 · answer #6 · answered by charley128 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well you said yourself that there will always be some contact between you and your boyfriend. Remember this, verbal abuse is a serious problem, it should not be overlooked and tolerated. Try when you are separated from him to get support from family and friends, after a short period of time you will realize you can move on WITHOUT him. Good Luck!!
2006-09-03 13:58:42 · answer #7 · answered by nadine2548 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"the respond which you're wanting" is in all probability that he gets greater appropriate and alter. properly, he won't. he's ingraining it into your ideas which you're no longer so good as him and which you will no longer get alongside devoid of him. definite, it ought to bring about actual abuse, yet why wait? do you like your new child uncovered to a topic like that? My father became this way, blended with slapping my mom, sister and that i around specifically cases and being fairly threatening, and it began with verbally abusing my mom. I grew up in mortal terror and my mom has everlasting guilt for no longer leaving him (he ran off along with his boss some twelve months and a a million/2 in the past and left us all the fees, the broken-down abode, and the unreliable motor vehicle). he's already succeeded in making you petrified of him; do no longer enable him attain doing the comparable element on your son. Do what ought to be executed and get your self and you youngster out of a adverse subject.
2016-09-30 07:48:12 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so why are you still in the same old spot
verbal now, physical will follow
not good for you or your daughter
are you worth less than him
how much is your daughter's self image?
forget the ties if no other way let the courts decide his rights, but I can tell you one of the conditions will be that he shuts his big fat mouth if he wants to see his daughter
maybe she is ready for a real dad
I a 67 years, but even today have visions & memories of my mother going through the same & worse
it was very humilating for her to have us kids see & hear it all
she passed away some years & dad much b-4, but it took many years to forgive on my part
but some sceenes were never forgotten nor forgiven
only with time was it time to get on with life
2006-09-03 14:04:39 · answer #9 · answered by old66 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get out - be safe. That's gonna keep happening and it might get worse. You have to decide one day to break it off and just be out. Who cares if he says he can't live without you, or that he "loves u" ( remember if he really did, he wouldn't be abusing u). It is hard to let them go, but you will be ok. Stay occupied, take care of your daughter and go on with your life. I had to do the same thing. He went crazy on me but now everything is cool. We have contact and he sees his son every weekend. The thing with these type of guys is that they think they own you. So you have to show them that you are not their property and move on! He will be fine...don't think about him.. think about ur daughter and u.
2006-09-03 14:17:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋