I am happily married and 33 years old..but I can't stop thinking about how my life would be..?

Question

if I would have stayed with the first boy I really fell in love with when I was in high school.I havent seen him for 13 years but I think about him alot. I dream about him too...ugh I can't stop. anyone else have thoughts like this and what did you do to control them?

Answer 1

Ah, yes. Thirty-three years old. This is where the hormones kick in, and start suggesting that maybe it's time for a little fling. That there's no 'romance' in your marriage. That it's time for a change.
It isn't abnormal, but you aren't a teenager any more, you're a grown woman, so here's where you start acting like one.
If you want a little 'romance' in your life, try propositioning your husband. Lure him into a honeymoon weekend away. If you can't afford to go away, do it at home. Turn on the vamp, razz it up to the limit, go for the candlelight dinner for two. He'll be utterly amazed, but will surely rise to the occasion....
And after your wonderful weekend, when your husband's romantic fires are re-kindled and he starts bringing home flowers for no reason at all, you'll find thoughts about that old pimply faced boyfriend will fade away and go back into the memory banks, where they belong.
Go have fun, girl!

Answer 2

I'm 28 and married and feel somewhat the same - except that I don't want to get together with this one particular ex - I just wonder how he is doing and sometimes I wish we were still in touch. But that would never work because my husband wouldn't go for that. I know he is getting married this November and I can't believe it. He will be 35. I do wonder "what if" but I know if we would've gone through with the marriage it would've ended in divorce. We fought a lot in the 2 years we dated. We were two different people who wanted different things. At the time we broke up, I was 24 and he was 31. He wanted commitment and I wanted freedom. I think I only wanted freedom because I knew he wasn't really the one. Less then a year after that, I met my now husband and we went looking for wedding rings 1 month after we started dating. That just goes to show you that when you meet the one, it makes all the difference. I'm glad I didn't marry the ex, but I always hope he is doing well.

Answer 3

Believe it or not, you're right at the age when a girl begins to transform into a lady. Funny things are starting to happen inside your body. It's just another phase in life. If you are really truly happy in your marriage, you shouldn't be having these thoughts and feelings. Maybe you are bored with life. Need a little excitement? Consider finding a Hobby. I think all women have at one time or another went through this. Personally, I think the first one that you fall in love with probably didn't love you in the same way. Just remember, you can't have your cake and eat it to. Your husband may not spark you in the same way your old love did, but I'm sure your husband makes you feel more secure than your x ever did. Pray about it.

Answer 4

One of the worst things about a break up(especially one's first loves) is the loss of hopes and dreams, what could have(or should have-we think) been. You could make a list of the positive things that have happened to you in this married relationship - a mature love, children(?), security, a home, respect etc. Even if life now doesn't always seem as rosy as in highschool, it is all a part of life's journey. Yes, it may still hurt even 13 years later. Maybe planning somthing fun with your husband(romatic date, vacation, overnight campout for 2) and building on future hopes and dreams in this realtionship will help you resolve the past. Best wishes.

Answer 5

There is a saying that goes like this: "If you can't be with the one you love, then you should love the one you're with."

In my opinion, you are taking for granted the happiness that you have right now. Honestly!!! In the back of your mind, you think that this happiness will lasts and lasts and lasts. This state of mind giving you a wishful thinking of what might have been. But, becareful!!! There is no happiness that last and lasts and lasts when it is taken for granted.

To control this wishful thinking, you should come down from the 7th heaven that you are right now. You don't want to be thinking too much of what might have been, that you forget your current life.

Yesterday has gone long time ago, it won't come back. Face your reality and make it better for you.

Answer 6

There's a reason why the relationship didn't work out 13 years ago. For whatever reasons, it happened the way it happened. You're happily married now, so it's time to let it go.

I'm sure everyone wonders what their life would be like if different choices were made in the past. But that's what it is....the past. Time to live for today. To live for now.

Go give your hubby a hug and kiss and tell him how much you love him and leave those what if's behind!

Answer 7

You probably had a lot of fun back then when all you had to worry about was a pimple. Life changes and so do people as they grow up. 13 years is a long time and the man has probably changed a lot as well. Life always seems greener on the other side and usually it isn't all cracked up to be like you are imagining in your head. It is ok to think about your ex but do not act on anything especially since you say your in a happy marriage.

Answer 8

I was deeply in love too when I was at high school. Nobody else would ever do for me, only him. His name was Tom and he was my world. We broke up a few years later as he wanted to explore life alone and this shattered me.

I was 21, when I found out that he had another girlfriend, as I was still good friends with his family. One night I went out with my sis, and I bumped into him - we talked and shared for hours. He drove me home and I never saw him again for years, but I had very vivid dreams of this man every night of my life. He was standing by a gum tree and dividing us was a wire fence. he couldn't look into my eyes and I knew he was sorry for what he did to me.
20 years later, his aunty calls me and says, 'come on the weekend, I have a surprise for you'. So, I took myself and my parents up to her place in the country. As I drove up the hill I saw my Tom and he stopped my car. He recognised me straight away and was crying as he was greeting me.
We all went inside and had lunch and I couldnt believe what I was experiencing. All those feelings from when I was a teenager, came back to me.
We spent 3 days together catching up on the past 2 decades, but it all came to an end when he had to go home. It was beautiful and I'll never forget that time in my life.
I don't see that dream anymore with him under the gum tree - I feel as if I have been offered closure now.
I will always love Tom.

Answer 9

Recognise that it is just a part of being in a long term relationship. You may love your partner to bits, but part of being in a relationship with someone so long is that things get a bit predictable. You are most likely remembering this person as how you want them to be and not how they really are. Just let it be a nice fantasy place to go to when things get mundane and don't punish yourself over it. The guy you are fantasising about is probably not the same person anymore and you would most likely not have anything in common.

Answer 10

I think everyone has times when they question what might have been...it will pass..its kind of like when things are not so much bad as boring that you start to wonder if you made the right choices...

You could probably find your ex and talk to him and see that he wasnt the right one for you...his life that you picture in your head is not going to be reality when it comes down to it...

If you are happy with your husband and you love him then right now you made a good decision...you also have to look at things in perspective..and maybe let your imagination go...live it out in your head so you can be happier in real life.

Good luck!