How to handle people who are telling you that you are f*cked up and need psychological help?

Question

I am going to apologise for this long question now.

I have been away all summer visiting my family. My sister made things really difficult for me and for my parents. She is going out with my housemate (I lived with six others) the others made it hell, he was my only ally.

Since my sister has been with this guy she has totally changed - and not for the better. I believe, and I may be wrong that he has turned her against the family. I admit that I used to take up a lot of her time and emotionally depend on her (she is younger than me).

We have moved out of the house on Friday and the night before they both told me that they did not want to live with me! I am devastated. I feel as though I have been betrayed by my sister and friend - who also said I drained him emotionally.

I am seeing the doctor tomorrow to ask for help, but I have been so annoyed with the way they have been hassling me to seek help - they say they are doing it because they care but it's not.

We are living together and they are making it quite difficult.

I just wanted some advice on how to handle this matter.

Thanks to all in advance.

Thanks to all the answers so far. I know my nose is out of joint and I am no longer number one in her life. I do need help, I just my doctor will understand and refer me.

Answer 1

I do not thing you are messed up at all, though I think your sister and her new friend are, how cruel are they to say those things to you just because they are too damn selfish to be there for you, OK it isn't expected of anyone to constantly be there for you but in the same respect they have no right saying you are messed up just because they have found something together and have forgotten who you are in the process, you are obviously young and can make new friends, if you do feel you have some worries emotionally then do go see your doctor, but do not beat yourself up over your sister and friend for pushing you away and been shallow and selfish, good luck.

Answer 2

Just the meer fact you are sending this post because your sister need space with her boyfriend says you are dependant on her. And yes it can be emotionally draining for the other person (I have been there myself).
Try to not put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak!
Make other friends by taking up a hobby or sport!
Above all else, wish your sister well and the best in her new relationship!!!!!!!!
If the G.P. suggests the sort of coucellor which invites you to offload, and JUST that, ask for one who can give you tips on how to change the way you are seeing the world!!!! C.B.T practitioner (Cognitive Behavioural Therapist) would probably bre the most helpful to you!
Hope things work out fine for you!!!

Answer 3

I find it hard to believe that your sister and best friend have told you are f*cked up. It sounds as though they have supported you in the past and listened to all your woes. It does sound like you need that kind of support and it would be better for you to seek this out through your doctor so you can improve your relationship with your sister and best friend. Are you generally quite sad all the time? If so you maybe need some treatment for this, don't be embarrassed, it is very common and your outlook on life can be changed if you want it to. Good luck

Answer 4

It seems your sister and her new man want to be alone, but why she couldnt just say that instead of being such a downer about your personality, I dont know. She is your family, she is supposed to accept you as you are. Really when it comes down to it the only people we have in this world are our family, when she breaks up with this guy or has some troubles of her own, will she be expecting any help from you? I hope when that time comes you can show her how to be a "real" sister.

Answer 5

I think that you have to accept that you have asked too much of them, this is not a matter of blame, but maybe because of your own troubles you were not able to see that the burden was more than they could bear.
It's hard to lose both of your supports at once, but try to be glad that something good has come out of it, they have each other, and now want to build their own life together. this is healthy and natural.
You don't indicate what your problems are, so it is not possible to advise you. You are going to see a doctor, I hope he can help you, if not, go elsewhere, you obviously have had problems relating with people as you couldn't get on with your other flatmates either.
However, when it comes down to it, no one can help you, you have to help yourself. Do not expect too much of others, think more what can you do for yourself.

Answer 6

I agree go and see the Doc and ask for help, then when you do get it, you will find out if it is you or your sister and friend. In the meantime stay a bit distant, but remain friendly and polite.

People do grow in different ways, and also get influenced by others, I know that you are annoyed with them for hassling you but at least going to see someone for help will confirm to you who is the one with the problems, might not be you could be them.

Whatever happens, I wish you well, and don't forget life's too short.
Jenni

Answer 7

You are acting and feeling NORMAL in this situation. It is so very odd that we have forgotten how normal we all are when feeling very upset. You feel youve lost a pal, a sister, a confident, its a lot to feel about. What your doing is grieving and thats not easy to go through and it akes time. Just don't put your head down the toilet and flush, don't let yourself wallow in the cesspit of 'I am no good' and don't let anyone tell you anything unpleasant.
Keep letting your life tick over in the usual way and you will come out OK again. Its all self discovery YUK.

Answer 8

Regardless of the situation, it won't hurt you to talk to somebody. At the least, you'll feel better about your situation and have more of an understanding of how to deal with it. If you DO need help, you'll get it and also be able to move on and move ahead. Either way, you need to distance yourself from your sister and your friend. It all may be OK in time. However, for now, you need to get some breathing room and start going your own way. Otherwise, you'll continue to hurt.

Answer 9

2 opportunities: a million - he's an asshole who would not understand how hurtful it is. 2 - He thinks he can get you slightly jealous and upload some greater hobby to the blend. consistent with danger he's making an attempt to be innovative in getting you greater involved or preserving you involved. the two way, you're able to desire to have a extreme communicate with him. those comments are comfortable along with his acquaintances, yet not with you. He owes you greater appreciate than that.

Answer 10

It's time for you to start behaving like an older sister...behave wiser....less emotionally draining to others. Seeing a professional for this matter is a wonderful start. To a better you!!!!