Me and my husband have been married almost three years. We had a child very early on, which just added to our bumpy ride. A few months ago, I was thinking about leaving him because I didn't know if we could work through our problems. Since then, I have done everything in my power to try to fix our problems. Today, he found a condom wrapper under the bed, which by the way was his. He for some reason does not think it is his, and is accusing me of having an affair on him. I am a stay at home mom, and going to school, so he says that he can't watch me all day, and doesn't believe that I would never cheat on him. I don't know how to get it through to him. I have tried to work things out, but I'm ready to give in at this point. He says that I had an affair on him, and now he has the right to leave our marriage, which makes me think he is wanting out too.
2006-09-03 11:20:18 · 23 answers · asked by ll22 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has been cheating on you, an he is paranoid. He just thinks taht, and doesn't trust you because he is an asshole...
2006-09-03 11:22:53 · answer #1 · answered by Doctor Ashley 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just explain yourself. Like you said the marriage has been rough. So maybe sometime apart is a good thing. But stand your ground, and let him know that, just cause things have been tough you still love and respect him enough to never cheat on him! Ask him if he wants the marriage to work. If he doesn't want it to work, and you think you have done all that you could to sustain the marriage, let him go. There is no point in trying to work out something that is long gone. But sit down and have a long talk. Did you try marriage counseling? Having a mediator, someone that want choose sides is a good thing. Best of luck to you.
2006-09-03 11:28:41 · answer #2 · answered by Ty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is he insecure? Are you cheating? Have you asked him if he WANTS OUT? Maybe he is just looking for an excuse?
So many questions, so few answers. Try sitting down in a neutral atmosphere and tell him ALL of this. Tell him all the truth. He KNOWS that condom wrapper is HIS. He is either insecure or wanting out. You need to either reassure him, getting to the bottom of WHY he is insecure, OR find out if he wants his freedom at any cost.
Once you do this, the path will be more clear. You cannot make decisions in the DARK.
2006-09-03 11:42:29 · answer #3 · answered by DA R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get marriage counseling NOW! ...Yes, even if he won't go with you. Don't try to *force* him to go with you but only gently suggest it. Trying to force him will only make matters worse!Counseling will give you the ongoing help you need and show him you're serious about keeping you marriage together. If he will go with you, then you both will learn better communication skills. If he doesn't then __you__ will learn! Communication problems are the main reason relationships break up...after money problems.
If after a few months of counseling you just can't seem to get anywhere with him, remind him that it's cheaper to stay together than to divorce. There will be custody issues to resolve and along with those will be money issues/child support on one or both your parts.
It sounds like he has issues of his own. The lack of trust in you is a sign of insecurity on his part. This could range anywhere from something about himself (and most likely is) to insecurity about your relationship with him.
Try to help him feel more secure in your relationship. Try helping him FEEL that you love and trust him. Trust is the very foundation of a relationship...no trust = BIG Troubles in paradise...like the ones you're experiencing right now. Let him hear those words then drop it and let him stew on that to make up his own mind...then RESPECT his dicision. Sometimes just letting a some time go by helps, but it is a skill to be able to know when to just let something go and when to push the issue...to a point.
2006-09-03 11:41:42 · answer #4 · answered by x_southernbelle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So let me get this straight.. u all buy the same kind of condoms that were found under the bed.. he has no real proof other then this and he's ready to throw in the towel and screw up his family.. scar your child emotionally forever .. because of one condom wrapper that is the same type that u and him both use ?? Id throw it back at him just like that.. he has no real proof, and yet he's willing to toss out your marriage and ur daughters future out on something so trivial?? come on... sounds to me he's searching for a real reason to walk out if he's that stupid to blame u for cheating on something that dumb..
2006-09-03 11:34:33 · answer #5 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me as though you both want out, but are afraid of the consequences. I am in favor of separation/divorce as a last resort, but I don't know enough about your situation to recommend. I also don't understand why you feel the desire to explain yourself to your husband. All you need to do is explain how you feel about your marraige and what you would like to see happen in the future. It appears that he is using "the condom wrapper proves you're having an affair" as a way to place you 100% at fault so he won't have to accept the fact that part of the failure of the marraige is his responsibility
2006-09-03 11:33:57 · answer #6 · answered by work_thenplay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why should you have to explain yourself to him, what ever happened to the trust? He should have his tail between his legs begging you for forgiveness, you are trying your best to make this marriage work, kids always put extra pressure on any marriage regardless of what some people say, can you put your hand on your heart and swear that he is putting in the same effort as you are, it is a terrible accusation to make with no grounds to stand on and why should he have to watch your every move you should be proud of yourself going to school and making your life mean something and making a future for your family, maybe he is afraid of you making something of yourself, explain yourself once and if he doesnt believe you is it a marriage worth saving? if he doent trust you maybe he is playing the field and thinks you are doing the same? sounds a bit suspicious if you ask me!!!! best of luck hun i hope that everything works out for you and keep up the good work!
2006-09-03 11:49:28 · answer #7 · answered by EMMA O 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you still have the box where the condom came from. If so show him that. If my husband found a condom wrapper underneath our bed he would know it was his. Your husband could just be finding something to end the relationship.
2006-09-03 11:43:54 · answer #8 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I think your right he is looking for a way out and by believing that you cheated on him only gives him the ammo also I have found by experience that people who are so suspicious about cheating usually are thinking about doing it or already are doing it Plus he can blame you for the marriage falling apart.
2006-09-03 11:55:20 · answer #9 · answered by arizonabrat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me he thinks you are doing the same thing he is.Take him up on the offer, make sure you get LOTS of child support ... at least 800.00 per month, and if you are not working, go after 1 year's alimony. Good luck
2006-09-03 12:03:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He knows it's his, he needs an excuse to argue because he told the other woman he was coming over. As long as you know in your heart that you are trying to make it work there is nothing more you can do. Leave and make you and your child happy.
2006-09-03 11:26:06 · answer #11 · answered by Hot Chocolate 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋