she cheated ( said nothing happened) but I think other wise I was home for 2 weeks and she lied to me a few times this I know because I got different answer to the same questions I love her with all my heart but I can not stand to be lied to and I think about her affair 24/7 how do I get over her affair or her and move on we have 4 kids that mean the world to me
2006-09-03 10:39:10 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would normally tell you to leave...but if you can'tleave with your kids then maybe you need to go to counseling and try to work it out... Kids do better when the family remains together...but then you could meet someone else and do just fine - but you need to keep your kids!
2006-09-03 10:42:40 · answer #1 · answered by applebetty34 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are military ??? Anyway, you'll have to do something, this is not going away by itself. Since you have 4 kids, you need to sit down with her and tell her exactly how you feel. With 4 kids you've obviously been married for some time, so surely she must understand that you know her well enough to see through her B.S. If you really think you can forgive her, you need to go and get counseling, but if you are the kind of person who will never get over this and you're going to bring up her affair every chance you get, even if she's honest about it, then you need to be away from each other, because it will definitely damage your kids, if they have to keep listening to you guys fighting over her affair on a regular basis. The damage this will do will far out-way the consequences of a divorce. So, don't do any kind of threatening, just say, "I know something happened while I was gone, and if you at all care about me and the kids, I need you to be honest with me so we can see if this family can be saved, because this thing hanging over us right now will continue to destroy us". Good luck!
2006-09-03 17:56:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a pretty serious thing to bring to a place like this! You know for a fact she lied. Well, do you know for a fact she cheated? Deal with facts and what you know. Maybe you do not have the whole picture? You are obsessing over a possible affair that you have no facts to support and she denies...and all you have are some lies? Man, that could be as simple as a little slipping around to drink...or to work a PT job or go places with GF's to watch male strippers. YOU NEED FACTS. Then you can make decisions.
2006-09-03 18:46:46 · answer #3 · answered by DA R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You won't want to hear this but the cheating is the symptom, not the problem. I know it's on your mind all the time but the truth is that her cheating was not because of the "guy" but because of trouble between the two of you. Get into counseling because the reasons for cheating or coming close to it, are very basic and deep. Here's a site: http://cms.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php
2006-09-03 17:45:26 · answer #4 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The worst u can do is to do nothing. U can't have a marriage if only one spouse is willing to work on it. Losing the trust is already bad to begin with but your spouse not doing her part to help u heal is even worse. Unless your wife also decides to work with u on this, I ca't see u ever being happy again. Stay true to yoursel and make your decision and do not use the kids as an excuse to stay.
2006-09-03 18:05:04 · answer #5 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately you never get over it, and it will hurt for the rest of your life. almost 20years ago i was seeing this girl for around 3 years she cheated on me repeately i still think occastionally and i can still feel the humilation and pain although its not as strong the essence of it lingers. this pain doesnt go away. although you both need counseling you might want to seek it specically for you as this kinda of thing has a way of reaccuring over and over and you will destroy your kids life when you explode and file for divorce. this jelousey thing is a bit.,ch and can consume it. but a word of advice if she ever appologizes for the infedelity and you accept then its over you can rehash it in the future so choose wisely what you would say if she did admit. good luck we feel for you
2006-09-03 17:47:55 · answer #6 · answered by joe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you can either go on Maury or on a more real note seek out some marriage counseling.Don't give up on this relatonship just yet.You have four children together, so you two obviously have alot of love and passion for eachother.
2006-09-03 17:48:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't let go then you need to leave. You two can always share custody of the children. If your a christian then you have the right to divorce her b/c she cheated on you..but why stay int he marriage when your unhappy..but you can always try a marriage counselor that's what they are there for..but good luck and God bless!
2006-09-03 17:43:07 · answer #8 · answered by SweetPea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your wife will never be able to move forward until she fully admits to you what she has done. Then she has to be completely remorsefull and see the error of her ways, if not, she will do it again. If she continues to deny and lie then it's gonna happen again.
If you can't get to the root of the problem....you have no future with her.
Sorry for your situation and good luck!
2006-09-03 19:03:47 · answer #9 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go to marriage counseling. My husband cheated and we went and it was the best thing that ever happened to us. It really makes you both open your eyes.
Don't listen to the people who are going to tell you to leave. Only you can make that decision. If you have insurance see if they cover marriage counseling then you should both go together. Talk to her and see if she agrees.
Good Luck!
2006-09-03 17:44:23 · answer #10 · answered by ******* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋