I've got to do something quick to save marriage, Help!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

We've been married 19 yrs now , and started dating my wife in high school, & married a year later. My wife now wants to leave saying that she cares for me but that feeling isn't in her heart no more. We had a deep hearted talk the other day , and she says she is just missing something, and I admitted to her that It is mostly my fault for not communicating , and not showing enough effection that she needed, And the love life isn't there , I 've become diabetic which is seriously affecting that. I think I fell in that rut , I'm there and shes there so everythings fine. WRONG!!!! She works full time , shes just starting to take a couple college courses, and we have 2 kids. Now she can't eat or sleep, she's just a nervous wreck, wether it's because shes not sure she wants to leave or just afraid to hurt me. In our talk I explained to her that I love her just as much as ever, But I screwed up everything, and that I would stand by what ever decision she makes, hoping that she'll be back.

Answer 1

i know this sounds ridiculous but read "the wedding" by nicolas sparks. it's relatively short and it has a story very similar to what it sounds like you're going through. good luck!

Answer 2

There are no quick fixes for repairing a relationship that is 19 years old and just now have become aware that there are serious fractures in it. It's common with couples who get married so early, ( to their high school sweethearts) to experience what is going on in your relationship. Sure some of the particulars may be different...you're diabetic, she works full time...goes to school etc...sounds like you've both been growing apart and I think the only logical thing to tell you is the truth. I Suggest you go to couples counseling you NEED an expert to help guide you through these rough waters. You will have a much better chance of working things out with professional help and if the marriage does end you will have the tools to stay amicable as you continue to parent the children you share etc. Even if the marriage ends you can gain the knowledge & insight to see it as a graduation rather than an ending with anger and fear. Of course neither one of you wants to hurt the other but the fact is endings are painful .It's growing pains ---new beginnings await those who don't stay stuck in the pain-

Answer 3

I think you two should go on a trip together, without the children, only you two and try to bring some romance back into your life. Take her to a place where you two were very happy, for example the place where you spent the honeymoon. Such a place will bring beautiful memories and will remind her of how happy you used to be together and how in love she used to be with you. Try to remember together the happy moments of your relationship and what made it so special and then try to find together a solution to all the problems you are facing now. Show her that you are willing to communicate openly about your relationship. If all these don't work, persuade her to go with you to a marriage counselor. Also I recommend you to watch together the film 'The story of us' with Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer, which has a similar theme. I'm sure she will respond positively to it, it's a film about a couple on the verge of divorce after 15 years (and two kids) together and how they find reasons to stay together and solve their problems. Good luck!

Answer 4

I don't feel comfortable being too specific, but you really hit a nerve with me on this. I can give you some advice from her side perhaps. She is changing and growing while you are treading water. Because she is doing this alone, she is growing away from you instead of growing with you. No one can change this except you sir. She isn't going to stop moving forward so you have some choices to make. I'll tell you what made me stay in the end. My husband made an appointment with a therapist. I hung around out of curiosity more than anything else. I was impressed that he stuck with it and that I actually saw changes in his attitude toward life. He became more secure as a person and once again became interesting to me because he actually showed me something solid. All the talk in the world couldn't have made me stay, but him taking some actual action got me to reconsider. He was sort of like you, settled in and thinking all was fine. He is also diabetic, and I understand your reference to that. That was NOT why I wanted to leave and I doubt it's why your wife wants out either. Anyway, I stayed and though it wasn't easy, we are happier than ever.

Good luck to you, I wish you the best.

Answer 5

You are in a tough spot man. I think it is good that you are looking at where you have failed and where you can improve. But....it takes two to tango, if you know what I mean. If this marriage is going to last she will need to be honest with you (and herself) about her shortcomings or failures as well. Her nervousness may be for other reasons than the one's you mention. Maybe she likes a co-worker and if torn about liking someone other than her "high school sweetheart."

It sounds a bit like she is needing some space to think clearly--can you give her that?

Good luck!

Answer 6

Marriage takes two people - and each giving 100%. If she's agreeable, go get some counseling about this...sounds like you two can stay together if you're both willing to work at it. Good Luck.

Answer 7

remember when you were dating? What did you do that was fun? try some of that for starters. Surprise her with sweet short notes hidden around. candles,music and songs are great too
Why did you fall in love with her, what made her so special? reflect on that and you should be able to get back on the right track. Wishing ya'll the very best!!!!
(married for over 30 years and going strong)

Answer 8

I'm so sorry to hear this, I'm married with two kids, I work, keep a house and all the other things that come with being married with kids, its a lot of hard work and myself and my husband have nearly broken up over it, i do understand that you probably work hard for your family too but with two kids the work never ends, but he started to pull his weight with the kids and helped with the house work a bit and takes the kids off for an hour for walks or to the park so i can catch up on course work or house work it takes the pressure off, i tell you every little bit helps, bring the romance back into the relationship take her away for a weekend just you and her, tell her you will make an effort and promise to stick to it. its an easy rut to fall into Hun a lot of people fall into it, and lack of communication plays a big part in it. but to make it work you have to stick by what you say, if ye do work things out just make sure you let her know she is appreciated because that means a lot, and i hope it all works out for you, good luck.

Answer 9

I felt this way for awhile, until i told my husband i was not happy. I wanted to go to school and start my career instead of having a job. I was unhappy about my job and it was bringing me down and having doubts about my marriage thinking it was us, when in reality i was not happy about the job i was working at. I wanted more in life, not from him,but from me, i wanted to provide more for the kids and him and me. Maybe she hasnt find out what it is that she really wants yet, she loves you but she feels in a runt and maybe talking to someone about it will help. You have to be there for her, while she feels this way, show more affection,communicate, and help her along the way. show her you care about what is going on. but i know what she is going through, she feels like the maid, if you have kids, she cleans, hardly goes out but to work or store, you feel trapped once in awhile and think is this it. I hope she comes around and i wish you the best of luck, just time can tell where her heart will go.

Answer 10

ask her what bothers her and may be you should send her for vacation and start new talk tell her don't rush things and will be ok give her more to breath sometimes they like to be alone i have afeeling sometimes when they want to leave they have desire to change themselv and that takes another toll in the marriage 'try to learn some tantra yoga sex it can heal the marrige union bless you with love