What are some suggestions for dealing with a student who is a chronic liar?

Question

I have a student in my class, who after just one week of school, has already lied to me 3 or 4 times. He/she has a severely depressing family history, and I think lying is his/her way of having some sort of control over his/her life. I've already discussed with him/her that the lying has made his/her word feel invalid with me. How can I trust him/her when he/she doesn't trust me enough to be truthful? I think that as the year progresses we will be able to build a really solid relationship in which he/she can learn to trust me, but I'd like to know of some suggestions for dealing with the lying in the meantime. My current behavior management system gives students 3 chances throughout the week before their "fun time" is completely taken away. If I use this system with this student for every time he/she is caught lying, I have a feeling he/she will never be given the chance to engage socially with his/her friends. Any suggestions are welcome. :)

I know this sounds paranoid, but I didn't reveal the sex of the student to protect privacy...Just in case someone actually figures out who I am. I have no desire in being fired for disclosing student information, lol.

The student is 8. I realize I'm not a psychologist, but I need to be able to deal with the lying IN CLASS in order to move forward. This student sees a psychologist on a weekly basis and has a social worker. Everyone involved in this child's life is aware of the problem. Obviously nothing they've done has helped regarding the lying. I still need to be able to handle the lying IN CLASS.

How can I put this without seeming like a huge jerk? I don't feel comfortable discussing anything other than academic issues with this student's parents for reasons I can't go into. They're a no go. I like the advice about earning trust making me an easy target. I guess I'm just used to being that teacher who gains it easily b/c I'm sincere with my students (and pretty much the coolest person who ever lived), but I definitely don't want to come across as fake or easy to pull one over. Thanks to the person who suggested a behavior contract. THAT'S the kind of answer I'm looking for. Tangible ideas for the classroom. My only problem with them is that they only seem to work for the first day or week that they're used. I'll give it a try though.

Answer 1

Do you realize how often this kid gets to hear about his lying? How many counselors and teachers have caught him lying? How many times he's gone thru "behavior modification" to solve the problem...

1)I suggest you reduce the amount of opportunities he has to lie. (No open ended questions; ask to specifically see his classwork versus asking him if it's done;
2)Eliminate the word "lie" from your relationship with this child. Knowledge is power and you have both. And no whitewashing, no cute words to cover his actions.
3) Encourage him as you would everyone else in class.
4)If corrective action is needed on your behalf, simply apply the discipline plan you have in place. No long explanations, no excuses.
5)Take the time to ask questions of this child about how he's feeling, how is his day going. Play a part in his life by being interested in who he is as an individual.
6)Some kids become so desensitized to discipline, they don't expect recess priviliges or "fun" days. He needs to be given the chance to know what he would be missing.
7)Display all achievements for all your students in class (A board highlighting the books they've read, the homework turned in on time, the good grades in classwork, etc..) Seeing his work proudly displayed will send a positive message.

You can be part of the solution, or part of the problem. Obviously all previously-tried techniques failed, dig deep within yourself and see this child's potential.

From a parent and 20+ yr substitute teacher, who has seen so many young children get ignored by the sytem but so many more loved and nurtured by those around them. Good luck..

Answer 2

I have a plan... I am a teacher and I adopted 4 kids from the foster care system. Their problems are not the same as dealing with kids who have had a typical home life.

Tell the child that you understand that telling the truth is difficult for him. Tell him that you do not want him to miss the fun activities every week because he has not told the truth. *Often kids in these types of situations are used to failure and disappointment. They will ruin things for themselves on purpose because they figure it probably will not happen anyway; so they take into their own hands.
Tell him that because you want him to tell the truth AND you want him to take part in the activities you have a plan. Your plan will involve alternate cconsequences when he is not truthful. When he has told an obvious lie then allow him to do a classroom chore. It will do him good to do something responsible and help you and even more to actually spend some time with you. It can be sweeping up, feeding the pets, erasing the board, cleaning erasers, etc. Maybe he can pass out some papers that will be needed after recess.
As an added incentive to tell the truth then maybe you can have a little chart. When he tells the truth and you are certain of it you can place a sticker on the chart. When it is full you can give him a piece of candy or a new pencil, etc.
You and I both know that you can make the difference for this child; for his whole life. I agree with you though, you do NOT want to look like a sucker.
One more tip that I got from my adoption books; do not accuse him of lying. Do not try to give reasons why you think he is lying. In the child's mind you are trying to convince YOURSELF that it is a lie and maybe you actually do believe him a little bit. Simply say I do not believe that you are being truthful here. Then tell him that you would like to see him for part of his recess. An example from my book is this: Johnny ate ALL of the cookies. If you confront him you know he will deny it. At dinner ask Johnny to get the cookies from the cupboard for dessert. When he exclaims "Someone ate the all!" simply say too bad. Maybe we can have dessert tomorrow. While this may not cover a classroom it can at least give you an idea.
From what I understand, the kid may gain trust in you when he sees that you are not taking away something. On the other hand... he may do other things to cause himself to lose the activity. In my situation it says do not take away fun activities based on a kids behaviors. He will lose it every time. I know that you need something to help the kid understand the rules. Hopefully this idea works. If he continues to lose his fun time post again, or contact me. I will help if I can.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, you're in a tough situation with no an easy way out. You can't be his/her teacher, psychologist, and parent at the same time. Trying to earn his/her trust is like kissing up to him/her. If anything, it will merely evoke him/her to keep lying, because you will appear to be an easy target and it will be even easier for him/her to get away with it. I think the best thing to do is to talk to his/her parents. Also, you should understand that the student's social time in school is a minute problem, if that, compared to the student's chronic lying.

If you feel compelled to help this student as much as possible by yourself, think about it this way:

If you run a business, you can't have the duties and personalities of a technician, manager, and entrepreneur, or your business will fail. As a teacher, there's only so much you can do without focusing on the entire class and doing your job to the best of your abilities.

Answer 4

Compulsive liar...that's tough. Once they get into the habit, it's hard for them to stop. I would talk to the counselor on this one, or your administrator. This could become a problem later if the child lies to you about something serious, or tries to tell you something true, but you don't pay attention because everything else is a lie. I teach middle school and see this occasionally, and it's really frustrating since you can't get ahead because the lies always get in the way. Like I said, I would talk to the counselor. If the family life is that bad at home, they need to know about it. How can you deal with it.....start by forming a relationship of trust. Have her be your helper.....when she tells a lie, tell her that she can not be a helper if she continues to lie. There must be a consequence for her lies. Then follow through with it. Make sure she can earn the helper status back though, so she has something to work for. I wish you luck....this is a hard one to deal with.

Answer 5

Wow, that's a really tough one. I bet they don't prepare you for that possibility in college! When the child lies to you, you should tell him/her, "If you are not telling the truth, I'm not willing to discuss this further with you. However if you would like to come back later and tell the truth, I'd be happy to hear you out." Have you asked the school counselor for some tips? Or someone who has been teaching for a long time? I'm glad you are concerned about taking away this child's fun time, he/she will never be able to develop normal social skills if he/she is always missing out on playing with peers. Have you tried the old stand by of the little boy who cried wolf? I'm sure there are other stories out there about lying and it's consequences. Make sure when the child is truthful, that you notice it and praise him/her. I don't feel like I've been much help to you here. Good Luck with this situation and Kudos to you for caring about your students so much!

Answer 6

You have to mention the age of the student. How to deal with chronic lying depends on the age. If you are teaching pre school or first three grades in elementary, then you can still deal with it. Make the child realize the consequence of lying. But if the student is a teenager the matter becomes complicated. It is going to be a tremendous task that is beyond your duty and responsibility as a classroom teacher.

Answer 7

Make a counseling referral.

Tell the student that you know that he/she has a problem with lying and that it is better to tell the truth even if it is hard for them because they will get into more trouble if they tell the lie. Tell them if and when they lie, that you will send a note home or call their parents.

Tell them that you do not want them to miss out on all the fun activities at school and that you want to help them. Ask them what you can do to help them be more honest. This will make them have to think.
When you ask them a question about whatever they tell you--say now--are you telling me the truth? Please be honest--look at them nicely, not judgmental and wait for their response. If they can not give you one, then tell them that they need to think about it and remind them of the rules. Depending on what the situation is at the time, you should go with your best judgment on how to handle this.
If this continues to be an issue--make up a special behavioral contract with them--and this could be done by the school counselor, that deals with them their problem.
Also, I would contact the parents if this not get better soon and ask them for suggestions--but if they have a bad home life already, choose your words carefully, so that you do not get the child into danger.

Answer 8

I work with 8 year olds and have had some liars too. Talking with them one on one and developing a personal plan with him/her (that nobody else knows about) may work. They need to learn to trust you and you need to be firm and say that you're aware when they lie. I think overtime he/she will get over this..Maybe offer some sort of reward each week if they go all week without lying. I'm not big on tangible rewards but sometimes you have to do stuff like that with special situations. I would just not reprimand the student in front of other students.

Answer 9

all of us lie, all of us tread delicately round subject matters each and every so often sugar coating the reality with a view to guard someone from damage, or basically keep the peace. each and every so often no good can come out of telling the reality. the problem is that that is the "teller" that comes to a call what "reality" is informed, the "teller" then dis-empowers the "receiver" via no longer giving them the alternative of listening to the reality. The lie isn't the problem that is the inducement for no longer telling the shown reality it really is the problem. because the receiver we are left to our own instinct to make certain the inducement and frequently we cant trust out own instinct and that is this that causes us the grief - we ought to locate ourselves questioning "If actually they didn’t misinform me in the first position i does no longer be right here feeling like this" So how can we be certain what the inducement is - if we ask them why did they lie how can we be certain they are going to provide a honest reaction as they have lied to us once. we may be able to’t we may be able to really position self belief in our intestine. So right here lies the predicament who can we thoroughly trust what's authentic what's the reality - the reality is largely what we opt for to be actual at each person element we opt for depending on the information we've accessible. Recognising this and taking steps to ask more effective questions help you get a more effective actual photo of any situation. to respond to your question - Recognising that he's a continual liar is the first step, a minimum of you comprehend to question and get more effective training truly than basically position self belief in his rhetoric. yet you need to attempt this for the time of all agency dealings as there are not any friends in agency.

Answer 10

Teachers are in the business of teaching,not solving family problems.

Send a note home to the parents and let them handle it.