why do men keep on burning me?

Question

i am an attractive 25 yr old who has a kind caring genuine personality but every guy i met when i give them a chance they end up hurting me from my ex of 4 yrs who was physically violent to me to all the guys i met who want me for a bit of fun and thats it , i find myself in tears as i write this as i dont want to dislike men but y do they keep on letting me down,,is there something wrong with me am i not good enough is it a fault with my personally i get alot of male attention i am a pretty girl with a good digure but i m also very forgiving so why do they always let me down. I dont like playing gamews and im not in to being a ***** or attempiting to be someone im not for a popularity contest...is this not good enough and i just not good enough...i do have in general a good self esteem so why do i keep on getting shat on. Can i have honet constructive answers preferable from individuals in there 20's upwards who have experience of life. Also do all people feel like this.Thankyou

Answer 1

I think you need a bit more self-confidence. Maybe these men can see that you've been hurt and take advantage of you. Go out with mates and get some confidence back, make some male friends and see what happens.

Answer 2

I have been where you are and I think some of us a drawn to a certain man. Ones that are no good. Well don't give up but don't give in. I was with an extremely violent man. It didn't start that way but then he started drinking. He was a controlling person and put my self esteem in the toilet.

I made a decision to get out and I did. Then I just wrote off all guys. My best friend made me go out one night against my wishes. Well that night changed my life. I met the man I was destined to marry. We talked the rest of the night and went out the next weekend too. I have been with him for almost 9 years and we will be married 7 years in Dec. This man is the most wonderful man in the world. Nice, decent and respectful. He doesn't drink and would never ever hurt me, plus he is an awesome father. He had been treated like **** by women before me because he was a nice guy.

We are not perfect, yes we do have small arguments and stuff but we always work through it.

Just don't give up and you too will find someone that is good for you. I know exactly how you feel as I felt the same way for a long time. Good Luck and maybe you should just give out on guys for a while and focus on yourself and maybe the perfect man will just fall into your lap. That is what happened to me and my husband.

Just so you know I didn't get married until I was alomost 29 and I am now 35.

Answer 3

I think in your heart of heart, you know the reasons already: you have attached too much importance to the wrong things: your figure and your attractiveness; you give EVERY guy a chance, you let guys use you for a bit of fun. Work on your own self-esteem first. If you are asking all the time, am I good enough, then maybe you really have a problem with your own self-esteem. Men sense this and therefore tread on you like you're a doormat. Also, develop an instinct to distinguish the bad ones from the good ones. Like one of the people who answer you says, choose the right place to meet people. If you are chatting up men mostly in clubs or pubs, you don't stand a very good chance of finding someone reliable and trustworthy.

Answer 4

Hi Rebbecca.

Sorry for your heartache. I have read previous questions of yours, for more information on how things are with you, and I'd say you're presenting as a little too keen. Players (not gentlemen, men are one or the other) are picking up on this, and doing all that they need to get all that they want. You need to a) spend a while on your own, becoming the real you, the woman who doesn't need a man to validate her, and b) learn how to spot a player. Learn how to say 'No'. How to say 'Thanks, but no thanks. Bye!' You are young and pretty, without self-esteem issues. You just need a little re-group, and to value yourself a little higher. Then, stop hunting for a good dog in the wolves' lair. Nice guys aren't clubbing at the week-ends. Try the library for a nice guy. Start Salsa dancing, and take any new relationship slowly. Let a guy work to earn you, don't let two compliments drop your panties.

good luck, and I hope you find your happiness, and remember, alone isn't the same as lonely.

Answer 5

Actually Yes ALOT of people feel like that. At least ones that give a damn about not just sleeping around. I am 22 and a single mom of one. I have been in some really really bad relationships and some just alright ones....I am now engaged. To a Marine no doubt. He was my best friend in high school and we both had feelings for each other, but never had the guts to say anything. I had not seen him in 7 years, and actually lost touch with him when he got deployed to Iraq at the beginning of the war. It just takes time darlin. Men are pigs but think of this....how will you know when that 1 good one comes along if you have never had a bad one? Believe me it is worth the wait. If I had known that he would be coming along I would have been content to wait a long long time. It is ok to feel lonely and to question yourself. I did for years. I am a great person. I am not gorgeous but i don't look bad either, I am kind to everyone unless given a reason not to be. I am even kind to animals.....so i know what you are going through. It hurts especially bad when you are great to the man you are with and he just walks all over that and discards it like some used paper towels.....Hold out hunny...someone might be right around the corner that will make you the happiest you've ever been. Remember this "No Man is worth crying over, and if he is, he won't make you cry." Chin up Darlin' and think about all the great things you have going for you right now.

Answer 6

A woman once asked the question, "Why do all the men I marry turn out to be drunkards"? It was revealed that she met each of them at a bar. Think about where you are meeting these men. Think about the type of men you seem to attract or are attracted to. A dominant type person, male or female, will seek out a submissive type person and vice versa. Before you blame men too much, think about your emotional health. Also consider that you have probably not met that many men. There are over 6 billion people in the world. If there were 5 women to 1 man, that means there are at least 1 billion men in the world. They can't be all bad.

Answer 7

I too attracted the wrong sort of men. Abusive, selfish and mean. I found that after I looked deeply into myself I realised that I was choosing the same kind of men as that's all I'd ever known. I now choose more wisely. As soon as they show any signs of being the wrong sort, I move on. This could be after the first date or the tenth. I'm always on my gaurd and never let things get intimate unless I'm sure things are right. Its nothing wrong with you its just predatory types can sense a woman with a kind heart and know how to push them around. The more intune with yourself you are, the less likely you will be to fall into their traps. Find a friend first, the rest will follow if its meant to be. Try meditations for woman. It's a web site to help you remember how wonderful life can be and helps you too.

Answer 8

I know a bit how you feel, I've been with my husband for 17 years, married 10, met when I was 16, and he has ruined me with an affair. I feel like you do. You and I are definately good enough, but men don't always have the strength to be what they were made to be. I rely on Jesus to get me through, and He will still be there if I have to get divorced, which looks likely. Hope you hang in there for a guy who is worth you, try not sleeping with them for a long time and see if they wait, that's a sign they really are worth it, and it will keep you safe from forming wrong attachments.

Answer 9

i would say you need to toughen up a bit honey. It's no good being forgiving to someone if they have seriously hurt you (physically) because everytime you forgive him, you are basically giving the green light to do it again next time. DEMAND from yourself before you expect this from others that you should and need to be treated with respect and love from someone who is supposed to love you. When you can see this respect in yourself you will show that you are a strong woman and the idiots who look at you and see a vunerable young lady will see that in you and you will find that you will meet someone who loves you for real. Please take this from me, i have been there and even though i didn't like it when my friends told me this, i was allowing to happen to myself and until i saw what it was that i was sending out to people, nothing changed. Then after a few weeks of mulling things over in my head i just thought "right i've had it" and kicked him out and never looked back. You will wise up to these creeps but just be a little cautious to who you allow forgiveness to. If they hurt you bad then trust me they are not worth your time and love.
Spend time on your own until you feel ready again, and the right person will come. Everyone feels crap when a relationship goes **** up but thats life and you will get past that. Just remember this, if he can cause you that much pain he ain't worth you! Please don't let some moron walk all over you, you sound a nice girl and i think you just need time, and the ability to tell the bad ones to take a hike!!! You'll be fine! x
Remember; keep smiling. No man who hurts you is worth your tears, just think to yourself that you are better off without someone like that and you will be fine. I promise not all men are like that you will find someone special who will not hurt you. You'll see.

Answer 10

Yes honey, it's a stage we all go through called LIFE. Some of us learn the lessons that each relationship has taught us or we keep going into these same things.

There's a good book by Iyana Vanzant called "In the Meantime" (available from play.com for £5.99 free p&p) the best six pounds any-one could spend to help get off the wrong path and onto a path of joy and happiness.

Come on girl learn, protect your heart, make sure they're worthy of you and know where the relationship is going before you give your all to them. Have faith!

Good luck and God bless....x

Answer 11

It is hard to find the right person, but there is someone out there for everyone you just have to meet the right person and when you do you will know they are not all bad. you need to boost your confidence go out with the girls flirt but thats it, no one night stand and have a laugh. you are carrying a lot of baggage with you into other relationships you have to start afresh and forget the past it gets nobody antwhere. the *** that hurt you all those years ago has a lot to answer to it takes a long time to get over something like physical violence. be strong and confident and never be too forgiving as some men take this as "ill walk all over her" I have a sister who has the same thing happened to her and it kills me to see her just going down the same old path she was on before but i have to let her make her own choices in life, you do learn the hard way but when you look back you will see that it all happens for a reason. if you had married the guy who hit you or had a kid with him it would have been harder to leave him, ure just lucky you got out of there before that happened. The right person is out there for you but if you look too hard you will never find him. if its the wrong crowd you are hanging out with distance yourself meet new people join a few clubs and get involved in something else you will never know whats out there till you try best of luck with everything! ure here for a good time not for a long time