how do i get my sex drive back?

Question

been with partner 4 nrly 3 yrs, since having our daughter 18mth ago i had post natal depression. i was ok for a while now i feel iv hit rock bottom. i dont feel attractive at all i hate every part of my body, i freeze weneve he comes near bec i dont think my body is the one he wants and he doesnt help much. have a hard time beleiving anything he says as hes lied to me before,

Answer 1

Give yourself time, have you spoken to your doctor about the way you feel now...I'm surprised at how inconsiderate your partner seems, he probably knows how you feel about yourself, but is not giving it a second thought, his only interest is getting what he wants, and there also seems to be a trust issue with him I'm not surprised you freeze whenever he comes near, he's lied before...listen every woman who has had a child including myself knows that sometimes the libido goes, and your not in the mood for sex, that's what giving birth does sometimes, you have got to do some work on yourself, and by this i mean start loving yourself again, and pamper yourself, be kind to yourself, maybe even go out shopping with baby and look at a new outfit, just to perk you up a bit. Good Luck, and don't be too hard on yourself.

Answer 2

I think mental issues are at an all time high for Americans. We have the art form of stressing ourselves out and then taking a prescribed upper or antidepressant to make us "feel better".
Of course your body image is lessoned; that's only natural.

Eat right, and start excercising to drop the stress. Do things with your husband WITHOUT your kid. Make sure you have a date night as well and do something fun.

Women are very hypocritical. They say they don't want to be judged by their looks or their bodies, but yet that's what they base their self worth on. It's only a part of the equation. Your husband loves you at all times; not just when YOU feel your good looking enough. It's kind of selfish is a way.

I have friends that can't have children and they are adopting but to them it's not the same. I've seen many a tear in their eyes when they see a young child and they would give up anything to be in the position your in.

You have a great blessing, a husband that loves and wants you and millions would love to have such a blessing. I've heard a ton of stories on tv and in real life where the husband wants nothing to do with the mom after having a child. Marriage is about trust so trust him. I'm sure you've done some things that have hurt him. Your very lucky; I hope you do the right thing; it's not just about you its about your family. The best gift of all to a child is the gift of a solid home life.

Answer 3

The fact that your partner still tries to come near you proves that he still finds you sexually attractive. Sure, your body will have changed but you've also given your partner an incredible gift - a daughter. Take some time for yourself - even if its just half an hour in the bath a couple of times a week. You need to remind yourself that you're worth something. Have you discussed your fears with your partner? I've been where you are and I do know that no matter how much someone tells you you're beautiful you refuse to accept it - is this what you're doing? Be honest with yourself by trying to look at this situation from all angles. I would recommend you see your Doctor about your depression - it would appear that you're still suffering and it won't help you to suffer in silence - accept help - its there for you.

Answer 4

well as a mother, I remember when I had my daughter that i felt that same way.I didn't feel attractive or really even want sex myself.It was hard..but The man really has to make you feel beautiful,and if he doesn't then it's not you it's him.If you two have a rocky past I suggest maybe some counseling..If you want to get that sex drive back and you want to make your relationship work then you have to willing to try anything.Trust and that man reassuring you that you are very attractive and that he is proud of your new battle scares"pregnancy" and Love are things a relationship requires. And after you get that out of the way..try some new things...differ ant positions,lingerie,playing roles...just differ ant things..Good Luck Sweetie..

Answer 5

After 4 children I have down moments but the main thing is you need to feel sexy. Have a hot bath and explore your own body and when u feel mhot go to your partner who obviously wants you and u will have great night. Nothing stays tight and taut after children but you are part of a partnership and partnerships take work.
Good Luck
xx

Answer 6

Don't forget he is with you because of love and not only for your body.
When we (men) became fathers some transformation goes on. And it is about priorities and goals. We see we are not direct part of the equation between mother and child so we start focusing strongly on the job.
There is no more beautiful wife than the one that keeps herself interesting, updated of what is going on outside of home and the one than keeps her intelectual interests current.
"leaders are always busy... but they always have time for what is really important"
Keep yourself happy and your husband will be happy as well. And... if he is telling you somethings... listen. Avoid reacting without thinking first. At those moment both are sensible.

Answer 7

When you wake in the morning look in the morror and tell yourself out loud that you are beautiful. Don't matter what you think just say it. Then go out for a jog/run/walk come home eat a healthy breakfast. At lunchtime tell yourself you are beautiful again out loud. Do the same before you go to bed this will help you.

You are beautiful and perfectly made. xxx

Answer 8

You probably need to sit down and talk to him before he goes somewhere else to find sex. You should go to your doctor and let he or she know you're depressed. Hopefully, the doc will prescribe some medication for you and you can try that for awhile until your comfortable w/ yourself again but It's normal to experience those types of feelings. I hope everything works out for you. God Bless!

Answer 9

Sounds like he needs a lesson in romance.....however, you should consider medicating for the postpartum depression (been there, done that, don't need the drugs anymore:)). The poor body image is normal, you're never the same after kids.....A trip to you GP might be helpful. Good luck!!

Answer 10

Listen women thinks men lies to them all the time about there weight and looks but there telling the truth you don't want to here it. You two need to talk it over and have a wild nite of sex this will help both of you. He loves you work it out talk it out and make love all nite long. P.S be happy!!!!