I recently fell out with one of my friends. He is the same age as me (28) and we have been friends for about 12 years. During that time he has constantly displayed controlling and dominating tendancies and last september when I moved location (i now live about 100 miles away from him) he started phoning every single day.. sometimes talking on the phone for hours
He constantly displays signs of aggression and constantly talks of his violent urges.
About 2 weeks ago, he and I had a fall out... it happened becausehe, myself and his girlfriend where planning to see a show, but I had to pull out at short notice because of work
When I told him this, he hung up the phone and when i called back, his girlfriend just told me he'd gone out.
Today, I recieved an email from him containing a poem called "Goodbye". The poem contains some disturbing lines as well as references to our early friendship.
Naturally, I am now concerned that he may be planning revenge
Ideas please!!
2006-09-03 09:26:18 · 22 answers · asked by MonkeyKing669 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
ive been in a similar situation, just appreciate the fact ur 100 miles away... i dnt think theres any need to worry.
i actively tried to cut my mate out of my life.. he was never wot normal people may consider to be a friend anyway... extremely insecure therefore would take it out on me
move on... he'll be forced to do the same
2006-09-07 04:37:35 · answer #1 · answered by torriniaveri 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really believe he is a danger to you or your family go to the police, It may turn out that he wasnt planning to do anything but it sounds as though he may need mental help.Ways to keep yourself safe:
Seek help. This is a very serious matter. Avoid denying the problem or keeping it to yourself.
Remove yourself from the his reach. This should be your first priority. Cut off all communication with the stalker. Avoid responding.
Consider getting a dog if you don't already have one.
Get a mobile phone and keep it with you at all times, even inside your home.
Document everything. Keep answering machine tapes, letters, gifts and logs of suspicious happenings.
Make several left- or right-hand turns in succession if you think you're being followed while in your car. If the other car continues to follow you, drive to the nearest police station - never home or to a friend's house. Sound your car horn to attract attention.
Consult the local police if you receive a threat. Do not hesitate.
Get emotional support from the numerous Internet resources and from family and friends, neighbors, co-workers and victim support groups. Take care of yourself as best you can.
Tips:
Let someone down easy instead of giving a definitive "no." Using a nice rebuff on an obsessive suitor might help ward off a problem.
Take a self-defense class and learn security awareness.
Use a locking gas cap on your car.
Warnings:
Seeking a restraining or protective order is often not advisable. This frequently provokes a stalker to react violently.
2006-09-03 09:39:35 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lets start with the label SCocio path. They are sometimes dangerous but not always. Most CEO's are sociopaths, and in a way are dangerous. Definition " a sociopath (unlike a psycho path) knows right from wrong he just does not really care.
None of your discription discribs a scociopath in particular. Perhaps he is but stalking does not make a scociopath. 12 years is a long time to be friends, especially for a scociopath. My guess this person does have personality problems of some kind and thinks he is in love with you. The advice given to stars who have this problem is to make a clean and abrupt break with absolutely no suggestion that you are going to give an inch. If he persists in stalking behavior then call the cops and let them do the talking.
2006-09-03 09:39:04 · answer #3 · answered by icheeknows 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you live in UK its not a lot of good to take the poem to the police unless he makes direct threats to kill in it. Your best bet, if you are seriously worried about your safety, is to speak to a solicitor. You may choose to send him a sols letter with a warning in it. Or you could try to get an injunction with an exclusion zone in it. It wont be easy tho with only a poem to go on. Unfortunately there is little that can be done until he pushes the anti a bit more. Unless the poem is seriously threatening or you have more info on his behaviour.
Protect yourself the best you can - telling friends, neighbours etc so anything out of the ordinary is more likely to be noticed.
2006-09-03 09:39:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that you have been worried about this guy for a while, I would print off any thing that he has sent you i.e. the poem and other emails and go to the police, even if he isn't seeking revenge if you do nothing each time this person will try and manipulate you further and it could go to far, it is best to nip it in the bud now and if he doesn't speak to you again problem solved, if he stops the manipulation problem solved, either way problem solved.
2006-09-06 09:54:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have known him for a really long time then I'd say trust your gut reactions. Try and talk to him about it. meet up. not on the phone.On the phone its so easy to take things the wrong way. Meet up for a drink or something when your free. Chat about it and tell him your worried about him. He probably just really misses you as a friend and feels his kind of life line has been taken away.Maybe he feels a bit hurt or abandoned..?? could be so many things but i would say you really need to talk about it. Dont bottle it up, if you are true friend you will get through it..Good luck.Keep us updated
2006-09-03 09:33:19 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's not nessesarily a sociopath, or "one with a criminal temperment", he just can't accept the fact that you're gone and prolly has no other real friend. What you need to do is if you feel he is plotting some sort of revenge, talk to his girlfriend, ssee if she knows of anything, if it is certain he is going to hurt you or somebody you know, which odds are he won't, contact police and get a restraining order.
2006-09-03 09:33:01 · answer #7 · answered by Priest of Anubis 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you know any of his other friends ask them if his behaviour disturbs them or is it just you he picks on. Talk to him and ask him what he means by his actions and if you have any reason to think that he is mentally unwell try to get his girlfriend or family to get him some help. At least you will know youve done all you can for him. If he keeps on bothering you, you will have to tell the police and let them talk to him and assess what help he needs.
2006-09-03 09:40:25 · answer #8 · answered by jean m 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
RUN FORREST RUN... you're screwed mate, had first hand experience of a sociopath and still fighting it. nothing you can do if legal lines are not crossed, basically you're right up the creek without a paddle. report it to the police just to be on the safe side it may yet consume your entire life.
good luck.
2006-09-03 09:39:04 · answer #9 · answered by KU 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell the police and hide, go stay with a friend, move to another place and watch your back. Do not meet with him or answer his phone. send him an email saying you have been diagnosed with something incurable and has to go abroad for treatment?
2006-09-03 09:39:15 · answer #10 · answered by cheyenne 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋