My husband loves to come home, drink 3 or 4 beer, smoke his cigarettes, and smoke weed in the yard, while I make dinner, and tidy up. Is it possible that he will change once we have kids, or will he continue to enjoy the air outside, while I take care of everything?
2006-09-03 08:13:02 · 9 answers · asked by LOLA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he will not change just because you have kids. Change comes from inside the person, in other words the only thing that will change your husband is your husband. I personally wouldn't have children with him until he does change. Put your foot down and tell him to stop with the weed, everyday beer drinking, and he has got to help out more or your not going to have children with him. If he says he will change don't believe it until you SEE the change. People promise to do better later but later never comes. See change then give him children.
2006-09-03 08:22:13 · answer #1 · answered by angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that his behavior does not match what he says he wants. He probably does want kids, to validate his manliness, but it is you (and your babies) that will have to pay for it in the long run. Too many paople have kids for the wrong reasons. They give their unborn children the hefty responsibility of holding their marriage together, validating their own self-esteem, or feeding their hero complex by being dependent on them. If your husband wants kids, that's one thing. I want a million dollars, too. But he has no concpet of what being a father means, and if he did, then he might change his mind.
Being a father and wanting kids are two different animals. being a father means putting the child's needs above your own. It means being monitored 24/7 and being an exxample of what responsibly adults behave like, it means thinking forward into the future, and anticipating the consequences of certain behaviors. Did you know that if the police came over and found drugs in the house, your child could be removed and put into the foster care system?
I didn't think so. You need to sit and have a talk with him about his behavior, and how it gives no indication that he is ready or willing to become a father. He might not have had a good example to follow, since kids learn what they become.
You should plan for children, financially, at least one year in advance. Try setting up a "rainy day" fund for unexpected occurrances, and see how you do. Think about how to divide the responsibility for childcare, and household responsibilities. There is so much to be prepared for, but you can never be too prepared. If he is not on board with this, I would not recommend having a child with this man. Don't do that to a helpless baby....
Maybe you should leave this guy, and when you find a guy you can count on, who is mature and has empathy, think about what kind of father he would make for your child.....
2006-09-03 08:44:54 · answer #2 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, nothing is impossible, but it is IMPROBABLE that he will change. Bad behaviors just get worse unless a person WANTS to change. There is no guarantee that if he says, "I'll change after the kid is born" that he will actually do it. So unless you see the change for yourself BEFORE you have children, do you want to take that risk? Do you want to HOPE that your life wont' be a disaster, or be SURE that it won't be. As far as I'm concerned, with or without kids, your husband is acting totally out of line and you are tolerating behavior that you should not tolerate at all.
2006-09-03 10:49:41 · answer #3 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer to this, huh? He won't change, and if he does, it will only be for a little while. Either learn to live with it, or refuse to have kids if you are that dead set against it without him changing.
Good luck
2006-09-03 08:38:03 · answer #4 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I thought my ex husband would change after I found out I was pregnant with our child. He just got worse and hid it behind my back. Tell him if he wants to have children he needs to find ways of quitting his partying lifestyle. If he continues then I would continue taking the pill.
2006-09-03 08:22:00 · answer #5 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women need to understand men are not dogs, you cannot train them into something you want. This is the bad boy you chose, now deal with it.
2006-09-03 08:18:31 · answer #6 · answered by Grandpa Shark 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some things have to be seen to inspire change
2006-09-03 09:33:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no he aint....
oncee u pop the fun dont stop...u need 2 move on!
if u stay u will realize u are a single mother with no help..your not gonna wanna keep tha kidz wit him,or around him..wat u think??
2006-09-03 09:05:51 · answer #8 · answered by Lucious Mami 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't bring children into the world in this situation. Wish you all the best.
2006-09-03 12:25:15 · answer #9 · answered by watergirl54 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No he will never change.
2006-09-03 08:29:38 · answer #10 · answered by Carol W 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋