Hubby still doesn't trust me after 12 years?

Question

Okay I have been married for 12 years and I have 3 children ages 4, 6, 12. My husband has never trusted me during our marriage. He always worries that I might find a better man than him. I give him no reason for this other than I am a social butterfly. I love to get to know people men AND woman. He gets jealous when I speak to family and co-workers it always ends in a fight. He sometimes gets mad at our children if they try to get my attention. I've threatened to leave before but I am totally dependant in this man. For twelve years I have stayed home with my children while he has worked and pays most of the bills. I work part time at night and bring in some money but I really have no other skills to get a good paying job to support me and my three kids, with the prices of things nowadays. I am faithful and have been the whole marriage but now that I am getting older I feel it's a waste of time to stay with someone who still doesn't trust me. Anyone else been through this? What to do?

We have already been to counceling which didn't help. It turns into she does, he does. He has also been diagnosed with OCD, Depression and Anxiety which he is suppose to take meds for. He starts taking them and then stops after a month or two. He is very controlling and HAS to know every move I make all the time.

Oh and I have never gone out with friends! Always with him! And if I start to make a new friend he gets on the defensive. Will this ever stop?

Um....I am not cheating...first of all I always have a child with me....and he calls me from work ever hour to check up on me everyday. And if I don't answer we get into an argument. I did go to a resturant 2 months ago with my sister and neice and he was so upset he faught and it turned into a beating episode which was the first time in 12 years. Cops were called and he was taken to jail. But, me a very forgiving, valnurable person thinks that things will get better. Saying "Sorry" to me works well with me, I believe everyone has a potential of getting beter.!

Answer 1

Sounds to me that there is more to this victim story. Try giving your spouse more attention. Women don't realize it, but we men like attention as much as the females do. An example would be the phone will ring , they would spend time with caller instead of husband.

Answer 2

he is not going to change and you will not change him. you should go back to school to get an education in something you enjoy doing. Would you be able to stay with family or friends for a while until you are on your feet? He would have to pay you child support and I do believe spousal maintenance since you have been a stay at home mom for this long. Seek the advice from a lawyer. DO NOT WASTE ANYMORE TIME ON THIS LOSER. If he can not help himself by taking his meds he is cheating you and your kids out of a good life. Why be miserable you only go around once. You are right it is a waste of time to stay with someone that does not trust you and you need to get out. Also remember that he controls you because he has very little self esteem and needs to put you down and control you to make himself feel better about himself. If you stay you will be showing your children that this is acceptable behavior and if you have daughters this is not what you want them to grow up and have for a relationship. Good luck

Answer 3

Well you obviously know this guy has serious issues. He doesn't understand the concept of trust and obviously doesn't get that by behaving like this his worse fear is going to come true. He is going to drive your relationship right in to a ditch. He needs to figure out that the problems are HIS, and are not about you at all. You know after all this time I would just say to him, look this trust thing is YOUR issue, it goes with all YOUR other issues, which you are failing to do anything about....if you won't try to fix yourself why should I have to live with the unpleasant results and accusations. Tell him he needs to get his poop in a group, grow up and do something to help himself because you won't cater to his insecurities anymore and if he refuses to do so you certainly will leave him because you are done trying to convince him that you are a good person, if he doesn't get that after 12 years and 3 kids he never will and you deserve to be treated like the good person you are. Constantly feeding his 'monster' is pointless, he is a bottomless pit of insecurity and self doubt....none of that is your fault or your problem. Perhaps he needs some individual counselling. Honestly though if he won't help himself I'd say end it...you've tried long enough and about 3 times longer than I would have. Good luck to you!

Answer 4

My first husband was like that and I was totally dependant on him as well. He did not trust me because he was the one that was going out doing the wrong thing. He ended up cheating on me and leaving me for another woman. It was hard at first I had to go on welfare and find a place of my own since his parents owned the house we were renting. What was even worse was I did not even know how to drive. I found a part time job at the daycare my son was attending so I can have extra money but still it was hard. Even though it was hard I was so so so much happier without him in my life. I ended up looking for a better job when my son went to kindergarden. I am doing so much better now I learned how to drive,got a good job, learned how to support myself for 3 years by myself. I am now married to another man who treats me a lot better. I now know that if something was going to happen to this marriage I will be able to do it by myself. If I can do it you can do it. Good luck

Answer 5

there are ideas to check out go-examine him and he ought to not in any respect comprehend. At this element i ought to say that the trust has a huge blemish. He has helped to impact the reunion situation so do not basically blame psycho he has as a lot to do with it as she. If she erased them what evidence do you've of the area. i ought to have copied them or some thing. in case you'll get the evidence on her i ought to def. allow him comprehend what he ought to no longer be attentive to at this element. yet when she is loopy he ought to no longer choose her both. Did you no longer keep some thing? you're a a lot calmer human being than i should be. I once informed a ho she ought to step out or i does no longer end until eventually eventually I owned each and every thing from her husband and residential to the underclothes on her a$$. i do not play and also you need to step up your recreation. He helped instigate the area or you does no longer have it to handle, so until eventually that is resolved for your delight i can make it complicated. he's a huge area of the reason that you're feeling insecure and pissed now!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Sounds like he needs to find himself an excellent counselor. Individually!!! You also need to be careful that he is not acting this way because he may be up to no good himself. If you have never given him any reason to distrust you like this, why does he then. Sometimes men tend act this way because they know the things they do, therefore, everytime you make any sort of move, they think you are up to no good too. That was my experience. Keep your eyes open.

My husband, soon to be ex, is an alcoholic and has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, etc., etc. This didn't stop him from cheating on me.

Answer 7

It sounds like your husband is trying to control you. This probably stems from deep feelings of insecurity that he has (he is scared that you will find a better man). I think that you need to speak honestly to him and let him know that his controlling, abusive ways are actually pushing you further away from him. I think that you need couples counseling. He may change; if he doesn't ... counseling will give you the stength to leave him.

I have just read your additional notes. Firstly, you need to seek a counselor that specializes in OCD. He will help you understand how to deal with your husband's illness and he/she will know how to get through to him. He will have a great deal of experience in dealing with couples in similar circumstances to yours. Secondly, look for a support group in your area. You can learn a lot from other people who are going through the same things you are. You are not alone.

Good luck; I hope things work out for you, your husband and your children.

Answer 8

ask your self is this the example that you want your children to learn about marriage,your boy will learn to be just like his father and your daughter will probably grow up thinking this is her lot in life.i grew up in a similar household and there was less help 20 years ago for my mom then there is now, you can get out even if that means well-fare to help suplement any income loss.You are not a dog and shouldn't be treated as one, your his wife not *****.His "little diagnosed problem" is exactly that his problem and by you giving into that is not solving the problem just keeping it sedated, stand-up for your self and your children, your the glue thats holding things together, but how can you hold things together when your ready to chatter, and this hitting problem trust me its just a matter of time till the children get it, we don't live in a country that women are rated second, so stop lketting yourself be, trust me you have more help then you think

Answer 9

Are you just stupid or high ? divorce this guy. We read about men who have issues like this and kill you and your kids before suicide by cop. Drop this deadbeat and get a restraining order.

Dont be a statistic. This is way past getting some help, this guy is waiting for that last straw to break before he goes apesh*t.

Get out of that house. But I do have to ask, why did you stay with him if he didnt trust you ? Isnt that what marriage is, a mutual trust ?

Answer 10

I don't know how you could have lived with this for so long to be honest. I don't think I could given the manifestations of mistrust...

you are caught between a rock and a hard place at the moment, however you are asking a very serious question to people you do not know on the web: I think that if you are having these concerns you really do know what you must do to be happy!

I hope it works out for you and your family..

Regards

Ichi