anybody ever gone through a really traumatic, acrimonious divorce?

Question

what are your experiences + how did you deal with it?
and the kids, what effect did it have on them + your relationship with them?

Answer 1

helen with out getting into the nittygritty of details, ill give you the readers digest version. i am a man who loves family and loves his kids. everything i did right up till the time of divorce was to secure my family and make sure i accepted as someone who could hold his head up and be proud of his accomplishments . i loved tucking my duaghter and son in at night we had a ruotine of singing a song every night and i would wake the kids up just by whispering in their ear and they would always wake up smiling when i woke them. my ex wife was a difficult woman but i put every thing aside to be the man of the family a good husband and one day my now ex wife imformed me out of the blue she wanted a divorce with no signs of this coming i was so stunned i refused to leave my kids and a few days later she conspired with girlfriends to file a restraining order on me saying i threatend her with bodily harm ( far from the truth) whicc forced me to move from the house with nothing more then my clothes and some tools non the less my whole life was ripped apart my main reason for everything i ever did. the reason why i live and breath was being stolen from me no more kissing my children no more singing every night no more anything just gone , to go from every night to a few times a month all this becuase she wanted to do somthing diffrent. im not saying i was the perfect husband by any stretch of the imagination but i didnt whore around i didnt have a drinking or drug problem she knew i was always faithful i did every thing with family in mind that i could. my kids and i get along good i have liberal visitation and see them as often as i can , in fact this past month i believ i may have had them more then she has. even that though isnt the same as the kids growing up with there father as a full time dad instead they only know for sure that they are coming over every other weekend for sure. they have adjusted and will be ok but they will never know what it would be like to have had a father full time now.

Answer 2

Yes I did but you have to stand firm, think about what is going to keep you sane and the kids secure and go for it!!

If you ex is a weasel then keep 2-3 paces ahead of them. Remember how they work and put yourself in their shoes and how they would react, use your knowledge of that person to get to the position you and most importantly the children require (you and the kids will seem as if you are in limbo for a while, which will result in tantrums and arguments, try not to argue with the children and explain that there are a few areas that Mummy and Daddy have to sort out before life returns to some sort of normality. Its better not to knock your ex in front of the kids-I left it with the kids that they could see him if they wanted to, and when they did they had a phone they could contact me on if required-now 7 years down the line-he has alienated them himself by his behaviour to them and they do not see him. If you stop them seeing him then the children could use that against you)

Kids, well as long as they feel secure with you then they come through-mine have probably done better at school and building their own friendships now than when or if we were still together!! Kids are like that tiny fragile looking newborn, that is really quite tough but look like they will break-in reality they are quite versatile creatures that need everyday basic needs and the feeling they are loved and wanted-if they have that then they thrive!

Make sure you have your own time with friends as well. If you start building up your own self esteem and moving on then the kids start feeling more secure and you in yourself have more time to give to them and more understanding/patience

Good Luck

Answer 3

Been there done that! I hope this isn't too long - but your question asked a lot of things.
My husband cheated on me after 20 years of what I - and everyone else- thought was a perfect marraiage. It was very traumatic because I absolutely did not see it coming. He was cheating with a married co-worker. He and I would go out with her and her husband - all the time neither of us suspecting what our spouses were up to. I even baby sat her kids and took her food when she had surgery! My daughter was 16 at the time and was just devastated because she was such a Daddy's girl. She surprised me by pretty much choosing to cut her father out of her life for a while. In turn - our relationship became closer than ever. It has now been 11 years and she still sees him as little as possible despite the fact that he lives in the same town. As she has told me and him both - I love Dad but I have no respect for him whatsoever. Your kids will surprise you with their strength and resilience! Don't worry about them too much.
As for me - at first I went into a deep depression and could hardly leave the house. Then my doctor recommended a temporary prescription for an anti-depressant. That worked wonders. The next phase was absolute rage and anger. I got a terrific lawyer and took him to the cleaners financially - not out of spite but rather to make sure I could maintain my child's lifestyle. Be sure to stay strong for your kids and battle for everything you can get to assure their financial future. He should be required to support them all the way through college. You must make sure that clause is in there or the support will stop when they are 18. The next - and possibly best thing I did - was to join a divorce support group at a local church. We learned to work through things by talking and sharing experiences and it really does help. My next biggest concern was how to date after being with the same man for 24 years. Well - let me tell you - my fears were unfounded! There are a lot of men -especially younger ones that love older, intelligent, and confident women.
To make a long story short - I am now remarried ( for 10 years) to a man six years younger than me. He absolutely adores me and my daughter and treats me like a queen.
Recently my now bald, paunchy, and alone ex actually wrote me a letter apologizing for what he had done. He has now come to the realization that it was the biggest mistake he ever made. He will live with the consequences of his behavior the rest of his life. I - on the other hand - have moved on to a new more exciting chapter in my life.
My best advice to you is to take care of yourself physically and emotionally first. By doing that - yiu are also taking care of your children. Stay strong. I know how tough this is for you, but I also know things do get better.
As my brother-in-law told me at the time - "Sometimes we have our route through life all planned out and are forced to take a detour. That detour sometimes turns out to be the scenic route."
Long - but I hope I helped!

Answer 4

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Yes I have. It has been final for close to 10 years now. The man lied and manipulated everything. At the time I was still fairly naive.
He had all his ducks in a row by the time I got an attorney. I got her becauses I thought she was nice. GET one who is a powerhouse! I also signed paper from my husband that I didn't question. He told me we owed his mother some money. I believed him and I signed over my part of the house to her and then he got it from her and when the divorce was final he bought a house in a gated community. Meanwhile I was renting a room.
He made sure he hid all the money. At one point I had a dective who found money all over the place and my mistake was telling my x that I had found it, but by the time we went to court all that money had been hidden elsewhere.
My X vowed to destroy me financailly even if he had to take the whole family down, even if he had to take himself down financially.
Which he did two years ago he spent close to $100,000. asking the courts to make it so he never had to pay me again. He was so sneeky even with the courts. He left the country while under
conptmpt of court and the law brought him back. He was suppose to do jail time, but I figured that if he did jail time, I wouldn't get my spousal support.
He travels the world and has time shares in Hawaii and Mexico.
He tells people all sorts of lies about me and the divorce. I was so tired of the gossip that I moved out of town for my own sanity. He knows when I am sick or having surgery and sends checks late or forgets to send them. He had manilupated the kids to the point where they didn't want anything to do with him. My youngest son died.....natural causes, but I think from wearing his body down with drinking and drugs. He died 4 years ago, all his suside notes were to his dad.
I knew the man lied, but I never knew the extent he would go for his money and his appearences. I got lots of counseling. I am still strugging with trust issues concerning men, expecially men who act religious.
My kids who are adults had a tough time with the divorce. And it would of been worse had I stayed. I was told by my X that I was stupid, confused and not very attractive. I started to believe him.
He is totally wrong. The toll on my whole family has been HUGE.
The toll on friendships has been hard.

I made a mistake marrying him. I made a mistake believeing him for years. I made a mistake for not getting the kids and myself out before things got so bad . I regret not standing up to him more. But, geesh, I never imagined he could be so vicious and nasty.

My relationship with the kids has been up and down. Mostly good.
I feel so sad that they had to go through this. but it had to be done.
They may never understand it.

He kicks me when i am down still. I don't think it will ever end.
I should of gotten a tough attorney first off and dug in my heals for a fight.That isn't my personalitly. But, now I know how to be that way out of the need to surrive.

Close to 26 yrs married and I got nothing but a small spousal support check a month.

The best revenge.........Being happy no matter what.

Answer 5

I have been through months of misery with divorce my ex tried to cheat me out of everything even though he was setting up with someone else. Get a good solicitor and dont deal with your ex yourself all you do is argue more which hurts the children. My kids know everything and have formed their own opinions I havent had to poison them against their father he did that himself by ignoring them and giving all his time to the girlfriend. Dont try and hide things from chidren cause it worries them more if they dont know whats going on be honest and reassuring and they will know you will always be there and they are safe, mine have come through as good well balanced human beings. Good luck.

Answer 6

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/AKiLB

Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.

The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.

Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.

Answer 7

THIS IS THE BEST BIT LOVE I got married in India to a British national,I came here to find out that my marriage is not recognised here,he treats me like shite.I feel like going out and walking in front of a speeding lorry.I have no friends here.I'm like an Indian slave here.You could think of all the wild thing's that go on with women.honey its a nightmare come true.I can't go back home to India and tell them whats goin on here.they would kill me at the end of it.

Answer 8

I havent been divorced as me & my ex wernt married but when we split after 10 years it was hard, i couldnt sleep, eat, etc. she became a jealous psychotic stalker and made my life hell and still does, the kids are used to us split now so it aint to bad xxx

Answer 9

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Answer 10

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