I have been married to my husband for over a year now. I am only 20 and sometimes i feel that i got married to early. He is in the military and we just moved to Italy. I left my family, friends and everything that i knew for him. He has always treated me with disrespect but i do love him. He calls me names such as lazy, immature and a mootch (im still not on his bank account and have no access to any money, but he says he will eventually put me on). He is very moody and i have to watch what I say to him. He even told me to get out of his house and that all i do is bring him down! I cant just leave because i have nowhere to go but my mom said whenever i get fed up she will send me a ticket home. He always makes me feel like its may fault we are not working out and he said untill i stop being lazy he wont ever treat me good. I dont even knwo how im being lazy i cook and clean! Please help me i am afraid to make a decision i will regret but im also afraid to ruin my life!
2006-09-03 07:26:19 · 51 answers · asked by kristin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Doesn't sound like much of a marriage.
2006-09-03 07:28:57 · answer #1 · answered by Bullwinkle Moose 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He is in the military so you have a variety of services available to you at no cost. Additionally, you are his wife, so he is legally financially obligated to provide for you, even if you leave him. Talk to his commanding officer to see what types and where to find the services available to you. You will get counseling if you so choose (and I recommend it) for yourself and both of you, and a variety of other services. Talk with other military wives around you. You can take college courses for free that will transfer to many 4 year schools, and there are lots of clubs and activities to join on your base. Do more for yurself. You need to buld yourself up from the inside out, so you will realize your worth and not accept being mistreated by him. He maybe has made you feel isolated, but you are not alone. As a part of the military, you have many resources available to you if you want to preserve and improve your marriage, or if you want out of it. By the way, you should be included inb the financial decisions and have your own access to joint accounts.
It sounds like this decision was ill-planned, but if you want to make things work, it will require some effort. Get some help.
2006-09-03 07:49:56 · answer #2 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship.Communication is very important,you need to get a suitable time and talk about your marriage.By the time you left all that for him,i figure you care for him a great deal.Besides you can't always run when things don't work out.My advice there many people out there but you made a convenant before God to honour and to love your husband.Give it the best you can and with prayer God WILL make it possible.Best of luck
2006-09-03 07:41:59 · answer #3 · answered by Kirabo P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave him in a heartbeat - you are too young not to be treated like a princess. This guy sounds like a mean control-freak and is trying to put you down to make himself feel good.
Divorce him. You will be so happy.
PS I was married at 22 and divorced by 25 and I am 33 with a great husband and two kids now and can honestly say it was the best decision of my life and I only wish I had done it sooner!
2006-09-03 07:29:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
i think you should talk to him about how you are feeling. it's good to know that you have your parents' support and it must be hard because your family and friends are not infront of you. perhaps you both may do with a break form each other, so why not take that ticket your mother has for you just incase? perhaps then he will realise what he has got when it's not infront of him anymore. i would also recommend counselling, but he doesnt sound like the type that likes to be told what to do, but give it a try though. he also sounds mentally and emotionally abusive as well. however i know u love him, but if he carries on like this and u cant take it well why whould you? Then i think you should leave him.
2006-09-03 08:13:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say leave hm, there are much better guys who wil treat you with respect. A reltionship should be good otherwise your wasting your time. I know its very hard, but I know what its like to be in bad relationships. I even got beat by my ex and I didn't see what was happening becoz i was in love, now i have the best relationship ever. Me and my bf been together 9 months. But no1 can make ur decision for you. Its all up 2 u!
2006-09-03 07:30:10 · answer #6 · answered by Shanni 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all my wife's family is a military family and her dad was the same way to her mom. He is putting off his failures on you. He feels inferior so he is trying to make you feel inferior. I usually don't condone leaving because I really believe that people should make it work even in extreme circumstances. But this one is too extreme. You need to get out before you start believing that you are all the things that he says. It is only for your own good.
2006-09-03 08:16:45 · answer #7 · answered by inluvwshana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, call stop what you are doing right now and call your mother. Get that ticket and leave. You are still young. This man is emotionally abusing you. It will in no way get any better. He will always find something else to complain about you. You should still be in the honeymoon stage, what will it be like when you get to 20 years. Leave before any children get involved. I know it's hard, but you have to do what you have to do before you lose yourself in this man.
Take it from me. It took 24 years of emotional abuse from my husband before I opened my eyes and got out. You have time. Love is not supposed to hurt. You deserve someone that will honor you and love you for who you are, not for who he wants you to be.
Go back home, your mom is waiting for you. Start over.
2006-09-03 07:33:24 · answer #8 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call Mom. Get that plane ticket home. Get yourself educated and a job. Maybe by the time hubby gets out of the military he'll have more respect for you as a person and want his wife back...Because right now he has no respect for you at all.
I know I lived your life before
2006-09-03 07:44:09 · answer #9 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First do you have any children? If the answer is no then you will not ruin your life, and want ruin it if you do. Write your mom and get out of Italy. Things will not improve, just get worse. Sounds like he could be a mom's baby to start with. In fact when he is on duty is when I would depart; no good-bye's, no nothing, but the clothes on my back...Make sure he has not hid your "passport".
2006-09-03 07:41:11 · answer #10 · answered by virginiamayoaunt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already have made up your mind to leave him you just need some support from everyone else. Its not that you married to early, you just married to the wrong guy. There is a big difference. He is verbly abusive and it may get worse so I would get out of this situation before it get any worse. I hope i help you in some way. Good luck.
2006-09-03 07:34:48 · answer #11 · answered by tasha 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋