I have been married now for 8 years and I am now 29 years old. I love my husband but I just don't know if I should continue staying married to him. We have a home, 1 son, and I am pregnant with another. I really don't have a education. What I mean no degree. My husband I the one that really makes all the income. I just recently found out that my husband is addicted to porn and masturbates at least once or every other day. He has told me this and I really don't know if I can handle this. He say that he will try to get help, but some people say if they been this way they will never change. Now I new since we been married that he looked at porn every now and then. And we would get into arguement alot, but I didn't know he was as addict. I am a very attractive lady and I love having sex and pleasing my husband. I always keep myself up to look nice for him. But now I don't know if we should work this out or should I end this. Because what else could he be doing that I don't know of yet.
2006-09-03 06:54:14 · 12 answers · asked by Rochell R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You just took the words out of my mouth...what else could he be doing that you don't know of yet.
I had the same problem, and I chose to ignore all the signs. But as the years went by the problem got worse, not just porn, but strip bars and then eventually unfaithfulness. It took me more than 20 years to build up my pride and realize that I deserve a whole lot more than that. I deserve respect!!!! He knew I didn't like him doing any of this stuff, but he did it anyway.
I recently left him since he just felt he needed to continue cheating on me, he felt that since he apologized and came back home after the first time that I should have been the same person I was before. It will never, ever be the same.
My advice, since you see there is a problem, suggest marriage counseling. Give it a shot first. See if this can be resolved. In the meantime keep your eyes WIDE open. If after you give this a shot, he continues to dishonor you in this manner, then you decide what you want to do. You will find the answer in your heart. Don't jump the gun and act hastily. Plan this out very well.
You don't need an education to get a good job. I don't have a degree, but I make over $50,000 a year. So don't let that stop you. You may have to start at the bottom, but you will work your way up. You can always try to get a job in a school where you can be home whenever the kids are home also.
Good luck.
2006-09-03 07:13:32 · answer #1 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could be doing just about anything. You are in the unique position of being able to see this going bad, therefore you can prepare yourself for the day when you just don't want to do it anymore. You said you don't have a degree....start working on getting one. There are lots of places you can take courses online now. Prepare yourself because although you will get child support it won't be enough to completely build your own life on, you will need to get a job and the better job you can get the easier life is for you and your children. In the meantime tell him to get help for his addiction or you will leave. There are actually websites and support groups and AA type groups for sex addicts, I just saw a show the other day. Right now its not a good time to make any huge changes, you are pregnant and don't need to be anymore stressed than necessary. I also don't know what your situation is with friends or family that would be willing to help you, thats a big factor too. I myself am on my own and don't have any place to go unless I provide it for myself. Good luck to you.
2006-09-03 07:12:23 · answer #2 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Work it out honey. This isn't something you should allow to ruin your marriage. Men love porn. And they love masturbating even more. It's just a fact of life. The only problem that you might have is if he expects your sex life to be just like in the movies. I had that problem with my ex husband. I hated the porn thing too. But I could've lightened up on that. Find a way to compromise. It isn't worth losing your marriage over. Good luck.
2006-09-03 07:00:58 · answer #3 · answered by queenblafalot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its one thing for a husband to masturbate thats completly normal even though we as wives don't like it,mostly because it just makes us feel like we are not doing our job to please them.On the other hand porn is a growing problem in marriages.I do not agree with it and i don't think any woman should settle and accept that its just as bad as cheating if he is doing it constantly and its an addiction it would be different if you as a couple looked at it to spice things up but him being addicted and doing it behind your back is not cool and i would make him choose between his porn and his wife and children.alot of people say its ok and it is definately not ok.porn is one step closer to cheating if your marriage isn't solid.Just talk to him about but if I were you i would not accept this its a deal breaker in my opinion.
2006-09-03 07:24:30 · answer #4 · answered by samwise25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn is an addiction, absolutely and positively. He is a sex addict. You have to decide if because if it you have lost some of the 4 things that make marriages work: Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust. For sure the first two are goners....
2006-09-03 07:07:15 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You see this as something wrong but about 92% of the men out there are just the same way. My advice is to just accept it. Make him feel like it is not dirty, and he'll be more open to you because he will believe you understand him and it won't be so taboo and maybe he won't be so obsessed with it. Finding a man who is not hung up on porn is close to impossible. Good Luck!
2006-09-03 07:40:36 · answer #6 · answered by inluvwshana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like this is a new trend for married men. EWL. And I know how insignificant and unattractive this must make you feel. Let him catch u masturbating. Or let him find a playgirl magazine. Or start watching other guys when the two of you go out. Give him a taste of his own medicine. MAke him think "Your just not that into him." It will stur up a conversation and you'll find out the truth about why he's doing this. In the meantime. MAsturbate yourself.
2006-09-03 06:59:56 · answer #7 · answered by SexyBrazilianBrina 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
every guy masterbates...if he says he doesn't hes a liar! so women, dont even say, "not my man", BS...he does! I dont care if he carries a Bible to work, hes beatin' it! As for lookin at porn...watch it with him! It might open up a whole new door to ur sex life. If it offends you, let him do his thing, cause hes going to anyway. Thats not a reason to leave the man you love. sorry if i offended any women.
2006-09-03 17:23:02 · answer #8 · answered by david w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a guy's point of view...
Just make sure it's "straight run porn"
If he's looking at kiddie stuff, or anything wrong or dangerous, run like hell!
2006-09-03 07:11:31 · answer #9 · answered by Dr. Feelgood 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you feel you are in a no win situation,i suggest you get some type of counseling.
2006-09-03 08:44:08 · answer #10 · answered by nanny2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋