Does anyone have an answer for these crazy questions?

Question

What is the speed of dark?
When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
When sign-makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Where are Preparations A through G?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
If knees were backward, what would chairs look like?
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
When your pet birds sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're sitting there, staring at carpeting?
What happened to the first 6 "ups"?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
Why does your nose run and your feet smell?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Answer 1

What is the speed of dark? Faster than the speed of light as it wins at least once a day.
When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in? You pack it around something fragile.
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras? Only if she has 4 breasts.
How come you never hear about gruntled employees? Because they are the silent partner.
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? There is no such thing as a free lunch, all gifts have strings.
When sign-makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs? Nothing
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? Move to Central London
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? No matter what you call them they still are the 13th and the 11th.
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? For the same reason there is no cat flavoured dog food.
Where are Preparations A through G? It's what you use a preventive for Heamorroids. They don't work, then you use H.
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs? Yes, their masters.
If knees were backward, what would chairs look like? Like the Dali lip sofa.
When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away? Only if it doesn't bounce.
When your pet birds sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're sitting there, staring at carpeting? No, he wonders why you are staring at the loo.
What happened to the first 6 "ups"? They beame a year older.
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? Because they are lime and lemon coloured.
Why does your nose run and your feet smell? Because your nose smelled your feet after they had been running.
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? It comes from their mommies and daddies.

Answer 2

1-the speed of light
2-a box
3-the same reason why they don't wear a pair of blouses
4-because working sux0Rz
5-it's a gift you don't pay for, and yes, all gifts are free.
6-this reminds me of the saying:"i hate picketing, but i don't know how to show it".
7-the beach
8-because writers aren't such wussies.
9-because cats hate mice.
10-there are non, only G.
11-no, dogs are crap, they're not important.
12-the same.
13-no
14-no, birds don't think, they're stupid as hell.
15-it was originally 'Drink National Lemon' (dnL) but someone flipped it to become 7UP and the big man liked it.
16-because the colour is derived from the fruit, not the opposite.
17-they go to therapy, and trying "Role Playing".
18-the pharmacy.

Answer 3

Dark does not move as there is no such thing in terms of physics only places that light has not been, therefore is 0

Styrofoam would be in a cardboard box

Mice like everything probably taste of chicken

Chairs would probably look the same, but what happens is your hips were backwards too?

The others I'm working on

Answer 4

I have a pair of t1ts that just need a hammock not a pair of bras!

Free gift = shoplifted

I can't be bothered answering all your other questions!

Answer 5

Since all food sold in America has rodent leftovers in it everything fed to cats already is mouse flavored! Are you talking about virgin baby oil?

Answer 6

Because no-one is willing to eat enough mice to judge how many mice need to go into a tin to give it the right mouse flavour.

Answer 7

haha havent got a clue, but I love the gruntled employees one!

Answer 8

-186000 mpsec
Tv's
who has four t*ts
where I work
It makes someone feel better
asterisks and spaces
metro centre
the answer lies between 12 &14
have'nt you tried it?
pre-Haemorrhoid treatment
aye
turn it round man
Que?
anthropomorphist!
seven wuz best
same reason why people from Holland are'nt called H*les
you semanticist you
doh!

Answer 9

You owe Steven Wright a buttload of money.

Answer 10

wow....perfectly good questions....i admire your tenacity involving the wonderment of such inquisitions, and i would love to answer them all, but i need a nap now after reading and thinking about all the possible answers to your queries zzzzz....