If you and this person broke up several times, tried to work it out, and each time you tried the person was unfaithful, is it worth ? Given the situation, you might forgive the person, but your love is not the same, can you live your life secretly unfulfilled for the sake of your kids?
2006-09-03 06:41:34 · 37 answers · asked by mimi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is it worth it to have your children in that situation? I'd say no. Staying together for the kids is the wrong reason to "stick it out", and it usually ends up hurting them more that it helps.
2006-09-03 06:44:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your children absolutely and positively know that you two are not happy -- it is something children just know. Marriages work when you have 4 things: Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust. Sounds from here that none of these things exist in your relationship.....he is still a baby if he is cheating on you. You may also wish to assess what you have become: Are you heavy, no longer attractive, is your house a mess, do you no longer cook..... If you feel you are doing your part, and he is not, and you feel a need to try to save your marriage, then about the only thing you can do is get into counseling. Many feel that by the time you need to be in counseling, it is already too late, and that may indeed be the case. Then you must look at your marriage in a purely financial setting--- Are you better off with him or without him? As my dad once said, a divorce is a nice thing if you can afford it. If you have a way of supporting yourself, with some child support from him, and that appears the better of the two options in your eyes, then in your place I would leave. We all think that AIDS and other STD's happen to others --- they do not!!! You asked if I could forgive betrayal, and personally, absolutely not....the instant I found out my marriage was crowded, I asked for a divorce, sold the house and left the state..... but we had no children, and I had a huge salary and a job I can do anywhere, so money was not an issue. Many people who are not in that situation have an agreement -- each lead separate lives, but remain under the same roof for financial reasons. So, guess the question comes back to you: Are any of those 4 things still part of your marriage, or all they all gone? Do you wish to stay married with so many of them so severely damaged? Are any of them recoverable, or does it look better and better to just be out of it and raise your children alone? Being a single mom is really tough -- most men do not wish to finish raising another man's children, so it may be very unlikely that you will marry again while you have children, or maybe never. For lots of women in your place, they would prefer no man in their life rather than a crowded marriage. Does any of this help???
2006-09-03 07:01:23 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are your kids?
I certainly wouldn't be having a love relationship with someone who is consistently unfaithful, unless I was someone like, say hillary clinton, who felt i got more from the relationship than i lost from not getting monogamy.
You can't get back into this relationship ever expecting fidelity. The spouse you describe isn't capable of it. So, being secretly unfulfilled seems silly. This person is what he/she is and he/she will never be anything different. Make your decision based on that.
2006-09-03 06:47:19 · answer #3 · answered by cassandra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, I'd be tested for STD's. An unfaithful spouse is sleeping with more than just his/her paramours. (S)He's sleeping with everyone they slept with!
Children should not have to live in such a mixed up relationship. You are doing them great harm breaking up, going back, breaking up again. They are not seeing a mature parent (that's supposed to be you) solving a problem.
Would I stay with the cheater? No! The first time, try to work it out. Perhaps get counseling. After that - that's just trouble. Time to pack up his/her bags, put them outside and change the locks! Why should you go?
Remember, the kids aren't seeing a real, good relationship and you're just preparing them for falling into the same rut you are when they grow up. They'll think it's normal.
2006-09-03 06:57:32 · answer #4 · answered by momkat 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If the marriage is not working, and you've tried again and again, then it's time to move on. ESPECIALLY for the kids' sake. When things are not working in the relationship, children do understand that something is not right. Mommy is always sad or angry, dad is never home or comes home late, etc., etc.
If you break up for good, then they will see you happier (eventually) and they can visit dad and have a good time with him when they do.
For your own sanity's sake, do not stay in an unfaithful marriage. I just broke up with my husband of 24 years. We just made the 24th anniversary. He's been unfaithful to me for a while now, and this is as far as we go. I can see good things in the future for me and my children.
Let him go and look for your happiness, it will rub off on the children. Be honest with them and whatever you do, never bath-mouth their dad. They still love him too.
2006-09-03 06:58:33 · answer #5 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE -- definitely. The jerk is NOT worth it, and I would DEFINITELY NOT want the children to see me suffering 'for the sake of the children'
Reason: Children LEARN -- even the bad behaviors of the ex -- so it is better for this situation if the jerk is out of the house, and they ONLY see and have the example in front of them of RESPONSIBLE Parenthood.
That is the truth -- do you want the child to grow up and emulate the unfaithful relationship-hopper using people for any reason at all, then going on to the next? I do NOT think anyone would want their child to end up that way.
2006-09-03 06:55:20 · answer #6 · answered by sglmom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave.your kids can still have a healthy relationship with both parents.you deserve to be happy,wanted,respected and loved.you want a man who can only think of you,who passionatley makes love to you with his eyes open,not thinking or wishing he were with someone else.you may be a mom but still need the love,the romance,and the exitement that only true love can bring.you kids will one day understand,they will be more well balanced living in a house filled with love.they can sense when things are not right and that affects them,even if you dont see it.once a cheat,always a cheat.and you risk catching aids or herpes from one of the tramps hes playing with on the outside.he is not worth the risk.dump him and find someone who would love you for the good woman you are.no sweet to put your kids first,but you and the kide deserve the love and respect of a good and faithful man.good luck and have a great day.
2006-09-03 06:54:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
.Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. A loveless marriage for the sake of the kids = disaster. Kids today have a hard enough time with life, trying to be excepted. Coming from a home where the tension is thick and adults cheat on one another or drugs are being used, alcohol problems abound...no wonder our children are undisciplined and terrors in the classroom. Leave your spouse and get on with your life, for their sake if nothing else
2006-09-03 06:49:23 · answer #8 · answered by sassywv 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Staying together, "for the sake of the kids," is a horrible idea. You won't do the kids any favors raising them in a dysfunctional household. The kids need to witness healthy relationships between adults if they are ever to mature to have healthy relationships themselves.
If you want to stay with your husband, and even if you don't, get counseling. Optimally, you'll go together. If not, go alone. It will help.
Good luck.
2006-09-03 06:57:43 · answer #9 · answered by Chris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage depends on TRUST, and you can't trust someone who is unfaithful. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking it's okay to behave that way? Kids notice more than you think they do. Staying together in some cases may be WORSE for the kids than moving on to find someone who is TRUSTWORTHY. Staying with a prick is not better than being single for a while until someone TRUSTWORTHY comes along.
2006-09-03 06:45:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋