How long should a woman put up with a sexless live-in relationship?

Question

I have been living with my boyfriend for 10 months, I believe he misled me to believe that he was just as amorous as I am, once I moved in he stopped wanting to have sex, claiming his illness as the reason. I did know that he was not well, but before I moved in there was no problem with sex, now we have sex maybe once or twice a month. I'm really sick of it. Would it be wrong of me to leave the man if indeed its due to illness, it makes me feel selfish for even thinking of leaving him, yes I do love him but I have needs that aren't being met, all I do is cook and clean, what ticks me off is that I told him that I didn't want to move in with anybody, that I wanted my own space but he promised things would be great between us and now all I do is cook and clean and work and go to school and provide him with a human teddy bear when sleeping. He's 57 and I'm 49yrs old. Please be gentle I'm feeling a bit emotional over this whole thing. Thanks everybody

He is has a Rx for Viagra but claims his pinched nerve (neck region) is too painful to have sex. Who knows if that stage men his age go thru when they don't want sex anymore or his pinched nerve. He does chores, how can you clean the floors and toilets with nerve damage, he still drives to run his errands. he's up and down the steps all day to go outside to smoke cigarettes since I can't stand the smell of them.

Answer 1

You have done your part of the bargain so don't feel selfish you really don't owe him anything at all. Life to too short as it is to be living in a situation like this.Get a grip and move on plenty of fish hiding in the deep waters waiting on the big hook.

Move on don't even think about it Theresa whole new tomorrow and has to be better.Good luck smile be happy.

Answer 2

Honey, are you ready to get some really ugly answers to your question? I hope you are thick skinned, because some of these people are down right mean, and very uncaring.

I think something other than the sexless relationship is going on, and you sound so very unhappy. Wondering if he was looking for a human teddybear, and more importantly a maid! You didn't say what his illness was...wish I knew......why was everything just fine, until you moved in...was he seducing you till you competely gave up your life to be his nurse....I would think long and hard about this, because something stinks!!!

Too many questions, and you are unhappy I think it looks like you should just find you a new place, and just be friends with this guy. You are 49 years old, and you ain't dead yet, you have a lot of living left to do. You are going to school, so you have some ambitions, and I think this is going to turn into a full-time stay at home deal...Do you love this guy to give up your plans? Because eventually that's what going to happen.

Now, if you had been married to this man for years, and this happened, I would suggest staying with him, but you don't have a long term relationship. And a true relationship both parties benefit, not just one. He got a good deal didn't he. You moved in and he's got a nurse, maid, housekeeper, and a lover when he decides he's well enough! What did you get?

I don't blame you for feeling emotional, you were promised one thing, and got what?...........If you love this man, try to get him to go to the doctor, but if you have any doubts whats so ever-count your losses, and pack your stuff,,,,and go find someone you can make you happy...and does some of the cooking and cleaning with you, supports you mentally, physically, and sexually......

God bless us all...............

Answer 3

Illness or not, your a girlfriend not a nurse, if there was no problem with sex before moving in, his condition certainly couldn't have gotten that much worse that quickly.

Although, I am not sure how often you had sex before, maybe he was taking ED meds to keep up with the previous schedule and decided to cut back on that.

In any case, find yourself a younger man if the older man you cook and clean for is not meeting your needs.

Answer 4

Maybe you could consider moving back out.
Do not end this relationship yet, do not rush things, but talk to him (what an advice!) and tell him that if you are moving back it's not because you don't love him anymore (tell him you do!) but just because things are not all that great (He might have noticed it) and that you both need some more time!
All my best thoughts are with you because it's always hard to deal with such problems in relationship!

Answer 5

I would leave sounds like all he wants is a maid. I believe in 50/50 relationship especialy if your working and school!and if your needs aren't being met i would find someone that could meet them like a younger man that still enjoys sex.

Answer 6

Well tell him you really miss your space and think you should move back on your own. (maybe the sex will return) or if your don't want to continue the relationship, slow start to back off, have less visits or calls. Do the busy thing.

Answer 7

Sounds like he wanted a live in maid. If you aren't happy go back to living alone. Unless you want to be unhappy I would move on and find someone who wants more than just someone to take care of him.

Answer 8

You aren't married, so I don't see a problem. Move out. See how easy it is? Or, stay and clean, do dishes, cook, and be an unpaid nurse-houskeeper. Your choice. We all are free to make choices. Howevever, we are never free from the consequenses of our choices. By the way, why would his illness be YOUR problem or responsibility?

Answer 9

you need to break it down to him just like you did here. don't let him put some guilt trip on you either. tell he had 10 months to do it right. to bad so sad. look for a place and move. it sounds like he just wanted a maid and house nurse anyway. just because you move out doesn't mean your feelings for him will wane....but dammitt you have a life to. live it.

Answer 10

it all depends on what kind of illness it is and if it is really impairing your sex life.I would set up an appointment with his doctor and we both would go to have the doctor explain to us what the problem is and trust me it is important that you do this.