We are very much in love and we are planning to get married in one year and a half. We've been knowing each other for few months and want to get to know each other more before we take any action. But from what I get, traditions are very strong in India, and if I want to be his wife, I have to be ready to lead a house wife role. Does it have to be like that, b/c with my western education it may be kind of hard... I don't want to disapoint him, so I prefer to make sure. Plus, I'm christain and he's Hindu, will that work? Please help me, especially if you have some experience (married indian couple, inter-religious marriage, etc.)! Thanx.
2006-09-03 04:55:12 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Before you even plan to get married, you should see what the expectations are for a daughter-in-law in India. If his parents are in India, travel there to meet them first. I read recently that although pre-arranged marriages and stay-at-home wives are traditional in India, some things are changing. But you have to see if the family is more progressive or more traditional. Also, if you can't talk honestly to this man about these things, it may be difficult to find out how his family feels. In the meantime, look for some blogs by European women married to Indian men and read them. Perhaps, develop a correspondence with some of the women. Or start a blog of your own and see if you can draw readers like you. Blogger.com, Typepad, and Wordpress are 3 blog-building sites in the U.S. I am sure there are some in France also.
Get to know his culture, customs, food, etc. Ask him if you can participate in events where possible. There should be plenty of sources available on the Internet or right in France. For example, in the U.S. city where I live, there is a large, yearly Indian festival.
You may want to do some research on the inter-religious issues also. Maybe your clergyperson can give you guidance. Look at the library for some books on Hindu beliefs and traditions.
2006-09-03 05:04:04 · answer #1 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My mother was a French Canadian Catholic and my father a Punjabi Sikh. They were married a long time ago. Neither family was happy about it, but once it was a fait accompli , they slowly, over the years, accepted it. I don't want to be discouraging, but it is difficult for the children, as well. Unless things have changed an incredible amount in India, and maybe they have, mixed children are not very well accepted there. I haven't had much problems in Canada, except with my own relatives, but India has been a problem. Nonetheless, once India gets inside you, you can't get it out! I left more than 20 years ago and still get homesick.
I can't give you much advice, except make sure you know his family before you get married if you plan to live in India; they can make life wonderful or a living hell.
2006-09-03 10:57:28 · answer #2 · answered by huztuno 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, think about for a while and say will you be able to adjust to live in india after marriage - maybe not know but maybe in future. Second, visit india and see if you can adjust in an new environment and also with his family members. See if the boys family are traditional or modern indian parents. What does ur guy expect from you after marriage - an indian traditional women or an good open minded wife?
Trust me, love might be on ur head all around but make it all clear before the marriage where you people are going to live and what tradition your guy believe tht you ought to follow if you are with him.
If this things are clear and then i dont think you will face any further problem.
Proceed with patience please/ Good-luck
2006-09-03 07:48:45 · answer #3 · answered by Craige 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
house wife?here,in India,so many women r working!here,joint family system os prevalent.if his parents r well-mannered,well-cultured,well-educated and most of all,if u feel good whn u meet them first;can b supportive.almost 90%of the working moms r relaxed at work because their parents-in-law r looking after their chidren n household.
being traditiona isn't necessarily being regressive.
i'm worried for 1 point.if he expects u to be a housewife in india...u may have tough time adjusting if his parents live in small town or hail from middle income family in a big city.u may not get to wear skimpy clothes/u may find those ones more comfortable.but that just isnt permisible.u will HAVE to respect elders n his relatives.it comes wid a reward as they will love u back if they r good.as far as my experience of western civilization goes,people dnt believe strongly in family n marital institution.they dnt respect elders,they dnt respect 'food'.u c,u shud not keep food in ur plate.u shud take asmuch as u want.but never waste it.food is god here.shudn't it be?i see western ads n movies n serials...people throw food at each other n waste it.
if u r happy being a housewife...i think u shud be ready to do chores around d house.helping relatives in household chores will build confidence.even if they deny ur help n say they r fine..u shud go ahead n help them.we like such things.
n just be ready to enjoy whole lot of festivities,wear saree,wear tilak once in a while n u'l enjoy that.
2006-09-03 06:20:43 · answer #4 · answered by jumblemumble 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get so caught up in trying to understand everything in the time you've stated. It's more important that you are a nice person and appreciate the differences in your cultural background. Best wishes for the future.
2006-09-03 06:43:03 · answer #5 · answered by Fragile Rock 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you take any step, in any matter of life, i recommend that you should know every thing. Firstly visit him and his family in India.
Im from India too and there are many many working womens here. So that isnt a problem. But being true to you, i suggest you to visit him. India is rich in tradition but then its for good. If you are to live in India, you should be aware of Indian climate, Indian people and all conditions as well as situations here. If you find it right, then Go ahead and take your first move.
2006-09-03 09:15:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better visit his family once and try to stay with them for a week.After a week, good Indian families will get very emotional and will NOT allow you to leave their home.Above all try to make it very clear that you will live as a christian and at the same time will respect and participate in their Hindu festivals and customs.Last but NOT least,make it very clear to your boy friend that you are NOT rich,can NOT bring any dowry and will NOT inherit any property from your parents.Even if you are rich,try this trick to test the love of your boy friend and his family.If he/they stiil like you then you are the luckiest girl on this earth.If you need any further info,you can send email and i will try to help you as i am going through a similar situation.God bless you and good luck.
2006-09-03 08:20:06 · answer #7 · answered by Indian 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Vickey!!! congrats on this new chapter of you life!!!
listen... nothing to get worried...relax...
have trust in your fiance... ask him anything you dont understand... follow what he or your (would-be) in-laws has to say, trust me people who are asking you to follow these traditions are human being and would help you with everything...
i am sure you will do a good job... all the best for your wedding...
wish you a very happy married life... like most of Indians... do celebrate the Silver Jublee of your wedding...
regards n best wishes,
Vinny
2006-09-03 07:03:04 · answer #8 · answered by Vinny W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be sure of exactly what you are expected to do and not do before you wed,,for these answers you must ask your fiance,,and be sure you are getting the truth,,meet the family,talk and LISTEN, what you know now may not be the same later,if he loves you he should be open about his expectations of you as his wife,,are the family very traditional? what is his mothers role in her family? will you work and is your fiance very strict where his religion is concerned,,ask now,don't divorce later.
2006-09-03 05:07:43 · answer #9 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
look vicky, chill....you look so worried....i am an indian and i can assure you that you'll be all well here....we have trditions but for good, not to make other cross....just don't worrry you can setup there very easily
for more doubts you can contact me...i'll be always there.
2006-09-03 05:00:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋