Pls help........?

Question

This is my fifth year of marriage i hhave a daughter, my husband of late is innterested in making a lot of friennds expecially girl friends.Has already made quite a few and chat with them.Everything happened thru yahoo chat.Now this issue is getting on my nerves.He is almst without friends i understand but he shows least interest in makinng friends who are male.His late nnite chatting with his gfs irritate me to the core. iv even explained my position that i cant take this any more but dont get a proper reply from him.He is a bit adamant.Im worried that this issue if gets very serious can also ruin our marriage.help me..

Answer 1

sounds like you have some communication issues. Why does he feel he can talk to these women and NOT you? It's an important question because it's part of the problem. While I don't worry that my husband has female friends, I would be concerned when they take up more quality time than you get from him yourself.

I suggest getting a sitter for your daughter and planning a very romantic evening for him. Disconnect the computer (smile). Keep him so busy and happy he doesn't even think about logging on!

Afterwards, have a nice talk about where things stand in your relationship. You've both changed in five years - how are those changes affecting the TWO of you. How does the child affect you? There's a lot of parameters here. If need be, consider getting a counselor or mediator who can help you communicate better.

Best wishes!

Answer 2

No one should tell you what to do, because - whatever you do - it's YOU who will suffer (or reap) the consequences. So read all answers with an open mind, then do your own thing.

What I, myself, would do in a situation like this is to do my own thing and ignore his chats...go out with a friend to eat or shop, go to the movies, go to school to further your education or learn to paint or write creatively, if you have a second computer, play games or come to this site, become an avacious reader, go to bed. It may take a while, but he'll soon realize you're not watching over his shoulder 24/7 and he'll begin wondering what YOU'RE doing.

What I WOULDN'T do is place so much importance on his Internet chats. First, because the more importance you place on it the more he's going to do it (no one likes to be told or nagged about what they should or shouldn't do)...second, as long as it's on the Internet he's not physically cheating on you. Perhaps he feels he can talk to them without fear of criticism. Giving him space may bring him back to real life and sharing with you. And when he DOES talk to you, LISTEN. Try to put yourself in his shoes to feel the way he's feeling before you give a response. If it needs to be a judgment call, make it constructive criticism...not just criticism.

He could be doing this to get attention from you. If this is the case and you ignore it - having your own friends and interests - he'll soon grow tired of the chats and look for other ways to get your attention...maybe in the bedroom.

Or he could be doing it because he's no longer satisfied in his marriage. If this is the case and you develop your own interests and circle of friends, it will make it easier on you when he decides to take it a step further.

Try to remember that you can't control another person's feelings or actions...only your own. Enjoy your life and your daughter. Don't waste it worrying about what your husband's doing, or what his chats might (or might not) be leading up to.

Answer 3

There is such a thing as online addiction to chat. He needs counseling. look into a possible marriage councilor. Check with your health insurance. They sometimes cover it. Either way you've made it known that you're uncomfortable with his chatting and desire more attention and care. (that's something he should respect and do for you) But his priorities are a little out of whack at the moment so do this. First, cancel the Internet service you have. When he asks what happened, tell him either go to counseling with you or you're getting separated/divorced. This should better illustrate your point and it's importance. Stand strong on this and don't back down. He needs to know there are boundaries in every marriage and he's crossing one.

Answer 4

i'm sorry this is happening to u...it sounds like ur husband is bored and wants to make life exciting for himself..
He thinks chatting up girls will help him with his confidence..

U don't deserve to be treated like this and he should respect ur feelings...u have given him a lovely daughter and have been with him for five years.
U could have easily left him for another man...someone who can give u proper love/attention.

... this is ur life, u need to speak to him calmly and tell him honestly how u feel...u need to stick up for urself...ask him would he like it if i(meaning u) did that on the computer?

Is there a weakness somewhere in ur relationship? be honest with urself and if there is have a go at changing that...
Life can change after having a child and he needs to understand that.

How would he feel if his daughter ever found out about this one day when she was older? How would he feel if his daughter started to think that is what men do to women...is this normal behaviour for a father?

He needs to be a good role model to his daughter. He needs to understand that chasing other women and feeding his ego is not enough to bring up a good sensible daughter.

The most important is u...would he like to lose u? Does he realize how much he is hurting ur feelings?

Only u can make things better...stand ur ground and get rid of the computer.....ur marriage is more important.

Good luck and hope u make the right decision to suit u...

Answer 5

Just use the way of Hitler "tit for tat" just go around and make friend that should be boyz and moreover talk with them late night or chat with them late night.So that he could feel the mistake that he is commiting. If u don't get any one then I am going to help u out jus t im me and I wil the unknown friend of urs and would disturb ur husband. Don't think negative as i would be very smaller in age than u. but I just needed to help u out......

Answer 6

Dear Savvy,
This is a serious issue. I think you should be more forthright in your approach.

Also I think that (maybe) you are getting a bit boring.Are you not good in bed? Like oral,anal or just any kinky stuff? Try to lure him. Wear sexy dress. Keep your armpit hair (i.e. do not shave them-this is a great turnon!!!)

For more infor contact me at [e-mail]

Answer 7

I would return the favor, if you have already said your peace to him then it doesn't leave much room but too give him a dose of his own medicine. If you are aware of how he talks to these females online then you do so with the men. I would make sure I didn't do anything worse than he is doing now. Good luck.

Answer 8

It already has ruined your marriage, and he will continue until you make a stand. But, you have to ask yourself why does he feel he must talk to other women? I think he knows that you won't do anything so he keeps on doing it! You toss the CPU into the yard and he might get the hint, But don't do something that could get you hurt. Ask him how long will it take for him to pack his clothes!

Answer 9

If he has become less interested in you, or if he does not spend time with you, or if he fails fulfil his marital obligation then certainly you can treat this as a starting of some sort of big issue in future.. however if he is doing the above thing then you should try to honor his freedom to make friend and chat with them disregard of their sex..

Answer 10

I have rad that this type of "cheating" is becoming more common. You should go to marriage counseling. He needs to understand how this is hurting you. I am getting out of a sixteen year marriage and the Man finally. now that it is too late, understand how he abandoned and hurt me all these years.

Good luck, Sweetie. Don't live with the pain, fix it now before it is too late.