Why do adults look down on teenage mothers?

Question

I'm 26 and was not a teen mother . . but I'm curious to know . . . why do adults put all of the blame on teenagers when they end up pregnant? . . . true, they SHOULD know that if they have sex, they could get pregnant . . but isn't it the responsibility of the adults to teach them these things, instead of assuming that they already know? . . . what are your thoughts?

I understand all of your points of view . . and thanks for all of the responses . . .

it is my opinion that if parents are open with their children from the beginning at them know up front the consequences of life, then things would be easier . . . back in the day, like the 1940's and 50's, it was unheard of for parents to speak with their children about sex . . . my grandmother was a certified RN and never spoke to my mom and sisters about sex and the result was one daughter who was pregnant at 14 and another daughter who had a son at 18 that my grandmother ended up raising as her son . . . on the contrast, my mom was very open with my brother and I and neither of us were teenage parents . . .

I think it really all depends on the parents and the type of relationships that they form with their kids . . .

okay . . so in your opinion . . how is this problem solved? . . let's stop pointing fingers and assigning blame . . how can it be fixed?? . . any suggestions???

Answer 1

I have to agree with you to an extent.

First let me answer your original question. I think we look down on it for the obvious reasons. Kids that age are not even grown up themselves and they are trying to bring a kid into the world. Most of these kids aren't going to get married and this sends a message to the boys that knocking up a girl and leaving behind your responsibilities is an acceptable thing to do.
To the girl it sends a message that guys are scum and, in a lot of cases, the girl either doesn't go on to finish school or leaves the care of the baby in the hands of her parents (which also teaches a lack of responsibility)

I do, however, agree with your position that the parents have a key role to play in reducing the statistics of teen pregnancy.
While a parent can not take 100% responsibility for their teenager's actions 100% of the time, they can at least inform them and educate them about the potential emotional and physical consequences of having sex.
Kids are going to do what they're going to do, but if you talk to them, it may make them think twice before doing it, or at least put on a condom. (and isn't that better than nothing?)

My parents never talked to us about sex when we were growing up. My brothers and sisters and I all had to learn from TV and other kids at school. Fortunately, we did learn some things from church and school and so it helped us to make smarter choices, but I do wish my parents had taken the time to talk to us about it because not all kids have the opportunity to learn it from other responsible adults and the kids and the tv are where they learn.

But I don't think you can blame the parents fully either.
Some parents do talk to their kids and they do it anyway.
At 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, kids think they're so grown these days and they have no idea that they're just babies in this world so they don't realize that doing it will be so monumental in their lives (or in the lives of their parents).
Weren't you a bit self absorbed as a teenager?
I know I was.

This is getting long so I'll stop :) Great question by the way.

Answer 2

I agree that it is the parents as well as societies responsibility to teach our children about safe sex (used to be abstinence but the times are a'changing).

However, it seems as though these days most teens do what they please without regard to the consequences. You can't convince me that a teenager in the midst of unprotected sex is thinking about how they will support the child they could possibly be conceiving at that very moment. Not to say that all adults ponder that same thought, however adults are "usually" more mature and able to financially and emotionally handle the situation better should it arise.

I was 28 when I delivered my first baby and frankly, I cannot imagine having had to bear the responsibility of being a parent when I was a teenager. I didn't "grow up" until I hit my mid 20's.

I am by no means saying that teen parents are bad parents but I am saying that when it comes to stability both emotionally and financially they have a real disadvantage.

Answer 3

I agree with ya I think teenagers should be able to look up to adults for questions and examples in the end teenagers are able to make decisions on their own and hopefully they choose to use condoms but they think nothing can happen to them including STD's. I don't look down on teen parents I just feel bad because of the stress and struggle that has just been added to their lives and I feel bad for the grandparents that end up having to raise their grandkids...its just not an ideal situation but its not an ideal world so they still deserve support. My parents had me at 15, both are now college educated well employed and seem to have made the best of a bad situation so its possible.

Answer 4

Because it was not acceptable when they were your age. If you look at history, they would send the teenager of to a different place to conceal what has happened. Most parents don't feel their daughters are able to handle having a child. Parents look for someone else to educate their children about sex and it is the parents job to do that. I don't look down on it, I just hope the child gets the love it needs.

Answer 5

some times i believe that some adults are rude and selfish. they do not know each individual teen that is pregnant. okay some of them are imature and shouldn't have a baby. they don't think, they just open and accept. some teens are very mature and are responsible enough to take care of the mistake they made. sometimes things just happen. Some of the adults themselves are no better than the teen mother.

Answer 6

Being the 51 year old mother of an 18 year old daughter who presented me with a granddaughter three months ago, I feel kind of qualified to answer this question. But it isn't an easy one to answer.

I taught my daughter at an early age about sex and pregnancy. As a matter of fact I armed her with condoms from the time she was 15. When she was 17 and in a pretty serious relationship with a boy, we discussed other forms of birth control and I took her to the doctor and got her started on the pill. She never got the chance to start taking them. Sometime in that two week time perod she was waiting to begin taking the pill, she got pregnant.

I don't think I look down on her, and I dote on my grand-daughter. I know that I was very sorry she became pregnant. She had such plans for her future and the baby has made them that much harder to obtain.

I know some adults do look down on her because she brought life into the world without any idea of how she was going to support this baby. The father, himself 18, is not decent provider. He is a typical 18 year old boy, wanting to have fun, and hang out with his friends. You have to admit changing diapers and comforting a teething infant is no fun. So my daughter works part time, goes to school fulll time and takes care of the baby. I work two jobs to help take care of the baby.

If teen parents are looked down on by society it is because they are acting irresponsibly. They are taking chances and not just with themselves. Each time they have sex, unprotected or otherwise, they take the chance of bringing a new life into the world that they are unprepared to care for. And in a lot of cases unwilling to care for.

Teenagers are taught about sex. If they don't learn about it in the home they learn about it in school, on TV and many other places, yet they still take the chance. In my daughter's case it was the "It won't happen to me" syndrome. She allowed a boy to talk her into having sex without protection because he said it would feel so much better. Now she will pay for that decision for the rest of her life. She will miss all of those golden opportunities that only come once during a lifetime. Gone are the plans we had for her to attend University and dorm. Gone are all the carefree days of college life to enjoy. Gone are the dates with girlfriends who are not encumbered with children. Gone is the freedom of youth.

But I do want to add here, if all this sounds negative, I wouldn't trade my grand-daughter for all of the world, now that she is here. She is a joy. My daughter is growing up, and growing up fast and she is facing the challenges that being a teen parent brings. I just wish I could say that much about the father.

Answer 7

adults don't look down on teenage mothers. It's that the teenager is still a child them selves no matter how much the teen beleives other wise. I was 20 when I had my first. I swore up and down I was ready. I was not. not for the responseability, not for the lack of a social life. it's hard.

Answer 8

In this day and age, the knowledge that sex leads to parenthood is known universally. Furthermore, access to birth control is universal.

Giving birth to a child is a very serious life altering option, and if thought through logically, most, if not all teen mothers would opt for having a few more years to devote to themselves, aside from those seeking welfare.

Be that as it may, teen age mothers, by virtue of their existance, are a living example of a lack of coherant thought regarding the consequences of their actions. Compounding this is the fact that such individuals are probably not the best candidates for parenthood.....if they screw up their personal life so egregiously, what is the probable fate of their children? These children stand a very good chance of entering the criminal class, or of being a burdon to society. This is especially true of teen age mothers who procreate in search of a fatter welfare check.

These are broad generizations, and I would be both foolish and hateful if I were to tar all teen mothers with this brush. But the sad fact remains that when speaking of statistical probabilities, these generalizations ring of the truth, and that if teen parenthood were eliminted entirely, we, as a society, would be better off.

Teen parenthood is irresponsible behavior, a behavior that affects us all, one way or another. I look down on polluters, because they unnecessarily hurt MY environment. I look down on able bodied welfare recipients, because they unnecessarily hurt MY economy. And I look down on teen mothers because they unnecessarily hurt MY society. These are all behaviors, not acts of nature, behaviors that need not impact us. Responsible behavior needs to be recognized and rewarded. Irresponsible behavior needs to be recognized for what it is and condemned.

Answer 9

That's a difficult question without any real simple answer.

Age is subjective because there are really responsible 20 year olds and there are irresponsible 50 year olds. It all depends on experience.

The reason why adults tend to look down upon teenage pregnanciesis because usually the teenagers are unable to support themselves financially. So it means they either have to rely on their family or welfare.

This also increase the risk of being in a lower income or at poverty level. When young parents are unable to get good jobs to support their families, it means they have to work longer hours and the education available to the child won't be as good.

This affects the Society in the long run because it creates problems with welfare, crime, and other dysfunctions that are seen in today's society.

You do have a point when you say that adults should be the ones teaching their children about this stuff, but the problem is that:

1) Adults were never taught how to teach their children
2) Adults with their own children fell into the same rut where they're working long hours and unable to supervise their children
3) Adults don't have time to teach their children values

These things all affect the development of the child.

Another insidious aspect to teenage pregnancies is that the children who are born from these teens become problem children when they become teens.

It usually stems from whatever rebellious attitude that surfaces from being raised in poor living conditions and poverty where they have to learn to survive on their own and have little respect for their parents.

If children as teenagers see their parents having little success in their lives, how can the child of such parents take the parents seriously when the parent tries to enforce rules and restrictions upon the child?

No child wants to take direction from a parent who seems to have had little success in their lives. Just like in Management, if an employee thinks they're smarter than their employer, the employee won't take the employer seriously because no one wants to work for a moron.

If the children think their smarter than their parents when they reach adolescence because their parents don't have much to show in the way of success, the offspring of those teen pregnancies become difficult to manage and will be more likely to seek counsel elsewhere or take the advice of people who are bad influences in their lives.

Something else to think about is when it comes to child molesters. A lot of child molesters became that way because they were molested as children. It's a vicious circle in the same way hate and prejudice transferred from the parent to the child gets transferred onto the grandchild.

People can keep on passing on bad ideals. You see this with adults that are unable to talk to their children about sex because their parents didn't talk to them about sex.

Successful people in business usually became that way because their parents taught them about business and talked about it at the dinner table. Unsuccessful people had parents who didn't want to talk about money and finances. So when unsuccessful children moved into adulthood and the working world, they were terrible with finances relegating them to lower income status.

We can blame parents for what they don't teach us, but it's also said that children are supposed to be an improved version of their parents. So there's also some accountability on the future generations to try and fix some of the social problems that our parents, grandparents, and past generations were unable to cure.

That's where Education comes in and using it as a tool to remedy some of the problems that plague our society today and make the world a better place for the children of tomorrow.

Answer 10

some adults do teach their children they should wait to have sex when they are older and its not like these teenagers do not know that they will fall pregnant if they have sex. i think its just an unconscious reaction to blame them for falling pregnant but when adults look at themselves they probably started having sex at the same age and therefore there is no needto look down on them but support for these teenagers to make sure it doesnt happen again