i still have problems with my friend :((?

Question

i have asked before about my friend who always calls me when she wants me to do something for her or when she wants to borrow money from me.
i couldn't solve my problem. last night she came to my room and asked me to do her assignment for her. i had an important test today but i stayed awaked untill 5 am to do her assignment for her just because i'm shy and i can't say NO.
I really don't know what should i do and how should i solve this problem.
please don't tell that i have to tell her directly i can't.
I don't want to hurt anyone, even this girl.
can anyone help me?
please I really need help.

Answer 1

I thought about your problem, and I can't think of a better answer than what lisabug7777 gave. Granted, she may not have hit everything right on the mark because she doesn't know all the details. She doesn't really know if the reason you let this other young women take advantage of you is because you suffer low self-esteem. It's just that it was the reason when she experienced the same thing.
What you really need to ask yourself is, "Why DO I let myself be used?". I mentioned in my previous unedited comment that you seemed like a Cebuana, because you're very shy and you don't like do say things directly. Before now, I was under the impression that your friend was a long distance friend, and you were in a foreign land. Now I understand that she goes to the same school. I understand now why it's so hard for you to just say no.
Once again, we've come back to this same point. She's not giving a second or even a first thought to what effect her actions might have on someone else, you in this case. Do you really think she's thinking about if she's hurting YOUR feelings when she treats you like her do-girl? It almost sounds like she's bullying you, although not with threats or force, but maybe with guilt or pressure. Unfortunately, no matter where you go, you'll find people like her, and it would be best for you to learn how to handle these situations or you will forever be the victim. One thing you need to get is that this young woman is NOT your friend. You're not even her friend, at least not in her eyes. She's seeing you as a leaning post. You're there for her to dump her slack on to while she goofs off and neglects her responsibilities, and she's not really worried about if the pressures going to build up on her because she knows she can just slide it off on you and so-what if it makes you slip in other areas of your life.

Please, please, stand up for yourself. Be prepared to make changes in your living arrangements if you have to, but don't let her put you two steps behind in life because she wants to slack off. I don't really know you, but you seem like a nice girl and hard working. I think first of all you should allow yourself to realize that, and you don't deserve to be treated that way. I'm not telling you to just say "No". After hearing more about your supposed friend, I'm telling you that you should do whatever you can to separate yourself from this girl. Isn't it obvious that she's not your friend by the fact that she ONLY calls you when she wants something?

Don't you have any REAL friends living near you? enlist their help. Maybe they can even talk to your friend for you. If they're really good friends, they can do it in such a way that it doesn't even have to seem like you're the one that asked them. You know, like, they've "Noticed" this and that, and they're intervening on your behalf. You need a good support group. Did you come from an Asian country before? If you did, I think that's what you might be missing if you're studying in a western country. You need a good support system to give you active help in these kind of situations. People on Yahoo! answers can only tell you what they think, but they can't do anything about it. Please take steps to reach these goals, okay Tina? Take care of yourself!

Answer 2

I have a friend like this and I get the same thing happening. I have found that avoiding the person works well. I also hate telling someone NO, especially when they are struggling with many other things and could legitimately use the help.

I have also found that if I get caught helping her by doing her homework or by giving her answers to tests (which I have in the past) I could jeopardize my entire college progress. I'm not going to screw up over two years and cause my kids to have financial hardship just to be nice to someone else.

Shes just gonna have to quit being such a retard and get the **** done herself. My friend really seems whinny to me now. She also really pissed me off by getting all upset because I just quit taking her calls. She said she was really depressed and went and got drunk last weekend and got high.

If she has that much time to screw around then she can get her own crap done for sure.

Quit helping the slacker and help yourself.

Answer 3

She is not your friend... She is a user. The best thing to do is just forget about this person, she is just using you as a doormat. You can talk to her all you want, but the truth of the matter is, she won't listen.. sure she'll be nice and hang out with you for awhile, but after a week or two, she'll be right back to asking you to do things for her.

You may not want to hurt anyones feelings, but what I am getting from your questions is that she is hurting you. You need to get the confidence and tell her No!

Answer 4

Yes, you do really need help.

You sound like I did when I was younger.
It's just sad and silly that you ALLOW this to happen.

Let me tell you something. I used to let anyone and everyone walk all over me. My family, my "friends", my peers, my leaders, EVERYONE. I was used and abused countless times.

You have to look inside yourself and see how you really feel about YOU. Are you that desperate to keep a "friend" around that you'll let them use you?
You know, friends really do matter, but please believe me, there are better people out there to be real friends with than, say, this girl who you call a friend. She's not real. SHE IS USING YOU and YOU ARE LETTING HER. Please stop hating yourself and thinking you're not worth it. Love yourself.

You need to get doing things that will help you feel better about yourself and build yourself up into being a stronger person. One who won't take any crap from anyone, but who can still be loving and friendly and caring.

Find out what you're really good at and persue it with a passion. I'll tell you what I did:
I am very good at studying the scriptures. So I did just that. Now I am a good scriptorian. I feel confidence in this and it has helped me in numerous ways and situations.
I am very good at music.
I wrote music on the piano, I am an accomplished violinist and teach lessons, I play the cello, I sing. I feel very good about myself when I win huge music competitions, especially against those who used to scoff at me.
I am very good at writing. I have written several children's books and authored many other non-fiction novels as well.
My passion is Interior Design. I've studied this extensively through any book I can get my hand on in all of the libraries around me. I've read every book on Interior Design and the like at all my local libraries, and now I'm searching the web and considering taking an on-line course. I have confidence in my decorating skills.

There is much more I could write about myself, but, I won't waste your time in mentioning all of it.
Just find out what LOVE and what you are GOOD at and practice, practice, practice and work at it all the time. You can even use practicing as an excuse to not spend time with abusive and using "friends" or peers, etc.
You can join clubs, groups, organizations, etc., to help yourself grow.

Good luck, sweetie! I am right there with you!!

Answer 5

I think if you don't want to be direct, then next time she asks you to do her work for her, just do it really badly and she shouldn't ask again.

You can't be too nice or you'll get walk over. Stand up for yourself, you see clearly that she's not willing to be nice to you but is using you, so why bother let her take advantage of you?

Answer 6

if u dont want to say no directly u have the following to choices:
1) Do the work she gives u in such a bad way that she wont ask u again
2)Ignore her a bit
3)In return give her loads of your work to do nd ask her to help in them as a return of what u hav done for her.

Though these sound a bit rude, u hav no other choice

Answer 7

you're such a good friend, a friend that any one could die just to have you as a friend! the only problem with you is you don't know how and when to say no! remember there's nothing know in saying no, especially when you know that it's the best for you and beside you're just her friend not her nanny to do her assignment for her, and you're only helping her to be lazy!

Answer 8

you have to let her know that you willing to be there for her and help her if she needs it but your unable to do the whole thing you a good friend for not wnating to say no but maybe she taking advantage of you becasue you cant say no just be true to yourself

Answer 9

do u think wat ur doing is rite n healthy for her?ur just letting her be lazy?and wat if she get use to it dat she always have a friend that who's doing her assignments,and do u tink u can do her assignments forever?
U better let her realize that what she's doing is definitely wrong and she will will the who will sacrifice on the end.
The more u had been honest to a person/friend the more your relationship will last.
Don't tolerate her its for her own good.

Answer 10

If she's your frnd, you would try your best to make her a better person. Try to tell her your thoughts through someone else or write a letter or something........