my husband is an alcoholic and i have finally decided for mine and my 17 year old daughters sanity to move out. he had been in the hospital in january for 5 days for detox and than outpatient counsoling but returned to drinking shortly after. no amount of begging or threatning seems to make any difference and he has been drinking heavily for about 6-7 years and becomes verbally abusive. after 2 recent ultimatums, shape up or we are seperating, which nether one worked he just ignored me i finally took the first step and opened my own bank account and found an apartment and put a deposit on it. well he found out about the bank account and asked me if i was planning to leave. i admitted yes and he has been trying to talk me out of it, being nicer, ect swearing that he will stop drinking. This has been going on for the last week and at first i thought that he really did stop drinking but found evidence that he had been lying so have decide to go. does it ever get any easier?
2006-09-02 21:56:40 · 14 answers · asked by dory m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i know we have to go but continue to question myelf if i am making the right decision. are there any words of wisdom that makes it any easier to do?
2006-09-02 21:58:45 · update #1
Perhaps you should not conclude that you are leaving him for good. What is important is to do what is right at this time. For the sake of your children and your peace of mind too, simply find another place to stay. With a close relative is best. Make absolutely sure you do not underestimate the cost of your relocation. Do your homework on this. You will also need the understanding and emotional support of your true friends. Only if you have considered all the above, must you take a calculated risk in moving out. Think of the peace and quiet that is long overdue in your life. Remember also that there will be deep feelings about what you are doing, but you must not feel guilty. After all your husband must have the chance to ponder the serious price he is paying for his alcoholism. When the pain of loosing something as dear his family gets to him, he will have the best chance to recover. Meanwhile you need not end the love that you must surely have for him or else you would not have put up with his alcoholism for so long. Think deeply and come to your peace before making up your mind to take this bold but necessary step. Remember that you are detaching your self from the effects of his alcoholism. You will be prepared to receive him again with open arms ONLY IF YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED that he has left the vice of drink FOR GOOD. Explain to your children that you are doing this to help your husband, their father. Always be mindful of your childrens' love and feelings for their father. Isolate Alcoholism from who their father is. How your children see your moving is important to their mental and emotional health. If you lack the support of friends and relatives at this crucial time, feel free to reach me. Meanwhile I wish you, your son, and your daughter the Peace you all so deserve and hope for your family's sake that your husband comes home sober and strong..
2006-09-03 02:14:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think huge life altering decision never really do get easier, but they get a whole lot better, especially in a situation like yours. You deserve to get treated with respect and honesty, and as far as I see from what you said, he hasn't really been all that respectful or honest...even when he begs and promises....empty promises and alot of lies.
I am not saying he is a bad guy but he is going through a bad thing in his life, and he needs to help himself before he could even start to help other people. This is clearly affecting your life in more ways than one. I think it's a great step you have made, and if he thinks he could get you back let him get out of that hole he is in and sort himself out! When he does do that, then possibly things might change.
Most importantly, don't settle for nothing, you deserve the best and your daughter deserves a positive environment to grow up in, where she can safely and securely express herself and develop into an inspired young woman.
Good luck and take care of yourself, although the road ahead of you isn't easy, you will be alot happier that you have independently done something positive for yourself and your daughter!
2006-09-02 22:04:45 · answer #2 · answered by micheypoo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alfons Ven offers help for people in need of support.
he designed a cure many years ago.
It's fairly easy to take,
You take 2 to 3 milksugarbals a day and you'll be more in line with your true self.
Alcoholism is caused by a negative selfimage. restore the image. his inner child has been hurt and he will hurt you and your daughter if it is not restored. he can't help it if he is not willing to change. So ask him if he wants to do the tapping, see a supportgroup and get a cure
check out www.alfonsven.com for support
your husband can see an AA-support group, use tapping or the emotional freedom technique for his alcohol cravings
www.emofree.com
you have my support
2006-09-02 22:07:12 · answer #3 · answered by franslaimbock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you constantly have second thoughts about leaving even when you are packing your bags, I hate to tell you this, you will continue to regret leaving him.
Your husband has a serious drinking problem. He needs help from a professional counsellor and your family should be a constant pillar of support for him. He can't battle his drinking problem alone. Just like any other drinking, smoking or drug addict, one attempt is never enough to kick the problem completely. It takes a lot, a lot of patience and perseverance from the addict himself as well as his family.
No one can be the best judge except yourself, whether you should stay or move on. Just don't live a life of regrets, that's the only advice I can tell you.
2006-09-03 01:20:38 · answer #4 · answered by citrusy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay first every child has heard of the human centipede so many say that they've watched it when they got freaked by the trailer. It's not suitable for a child of 10 it's an 18 for a reason. And it may affect your child's mental health state and development more than you may think. I wouldn't recommend anyone watch it let alone a 10 year old
2016-03-17 07:05:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your decision to leave may force your husband to face the seriousness of his alcoholism, and its effects on the family. It will also show your daughter that you are a strong woman, and set the example for her NOT to tolerate any form of abuse in her relationships. You have tried other alternatives, none which have worked...it's now time to do what you need to do for your own happiness and well-being as well as your daughters...GOOD LUCK
2006-09-02 22:03:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not an easy decision to made to leave someone after 26 years of marriage. If it is for the benefit of the children, no matter how painful the decision is it is better to leave him as he may be a bad influence to your own children. No doubt he will treat you better when you made the decision to leave him but will he quit drinking, nobody knows. You have to be firm on your decision and let him "wake up". Only when he totally quit drinking then you can consider reconciling with him but explain your decision to your children so that they understand your action and will not blame you for your decision.
2006-09-04 01:06:57 · answer #7 · answered by Clown & Joker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in you situation for 10 years and I finally took my kids and left and it was the best thing I ever done. Well let me rephrase that I left him on several occasions and then he would shape up for a while and then I would go back, and after a short while he would revert back to his old ways, over and over I let this happen because I truly thought he was my soul mate, but his soul mate was the drinking and I finally had to just let go and realize that his drinking was all that matter to him not me or his kids. Now 5 years later I remarried and have a wonderful husband who is my soul mate and I am his! Sweety Good Luck and God Bless you and your Family!!!
2006-09-02 22:05:15 · answer #8 · answered by stormy2u2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's always hard to do the right thing. Alcoholics never seem to see the damage that they do to all the people who love them. My suggestion is this, get a support system in place for yourself and your daughter. Being alone is hard, especially after soo many years, but the stress of it all eventually goes away. Stay strong.
2006-09-02 22:03:44 · answer #9 · answered by aawatson3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10 years ago when I was a Police Officer, I helped a lady who husband was suffer from alochol poisioning. The husband was smell of strong alcohol, redness skill, swollen legs, can't even walk by himself. Two months later, the husband past away, and the lady came to the Police station and thanks me. Alcoholic and gambler are the same, no amount of forgiven will make them change, only when they are left with no choice, then they may really change, Leaving him, could be helping him, and most important, helping yourself.
2006-09-03 14:27:59 · answer #10 · answered by Tan D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋