My husband immigrated here 5 months ago from Korea. We met and married in Korea. I lived in Korea for 3 years. Since he's been here, he's had a rough time. He doesn't speak English and he doesn't have any friends. I have tried everything to keep him busy....english classes, martial arts classes, gym memberships,introducing him to other Koreans. We're still waiting for his work permit, so he hasn't been able to work....although it may be impossible for him to get a job for awhile since he can't speak English. He still hasn't even gone to the supermarket by himself! He's depressed now and has told me he wants to go back. I'm at my witts end....I don't know how to keep him happy. I always try to get him out of the house but he refuses, just wants to stay inside watching T.V.
He can't go back to Korea yet because of his process of waiting for a green card.
I don't want to drop my life here. I'm months away from getting my Master's degree. How do I cheer him up?
2006-09-02 21:27:58 · 10 answers · asked by Ms.Kimchi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay, I'll explain the green card thing, so the old idiot "Mit" below will understand: he wants to go and visit Korea (which I'm all for). Problem is he is adjusting his status here and if he leaves prematurely, he won't be able to get back in the U.S. I don't want his visa revoked forever.
Mit--you are a grouchy old jerk. I'd do anything for my husband and I know what it feels like to live in another country. I'm simply asking how can make the transtion here easier for my husband. And I never boasted how "great the U.S" is. In fact, I told him how difficult the move would be. Thank you for a useless contribution.
2006-09-02 22:23:15 · update #1
Perhaps you could learn Korean with him. Do you speak Korean? If he can't communicate naturally (in his mother tongue) with you, I think that will make him feel more foreign. He could teach you Korean, you could teach him more English and that would create more bonding time, etc.
Do you live in a big city? Or even a medium sized city? I think as a Korean, food is very important. Try cooking him Korean meals or take him to Korean restaurants.
It's not just the communications, I think, that's making him depressed. It's hard to adjust to a new country (I'm Korean as well), especially if the food and environment is different.
Other Koreans may be different from him, especially if they've lived here for a long time. Try finding a Korean market where you live, you could find food supplies, etc there.
If you can't find a Korean market, here's some websites for Korean food supplies, etc:
http://www.iKoreaPlaza.com
http://www.kgrocer.com
Korean food recipes in English:
http://www.xanga.com/koreancooking
http://www.trifood.com
Korean film/drama site in English (you could rent Korean movies for him to watch or he could go on this site himself):
http://www.koreanfilm.org
I definitely don't agree with Mit but I have to say you should think about what you said. "I don't want to drop my life here." I'm not criticizing you, except it seems as if that's what your husband did for you. Try thinking if you had to drop everything and move to Korea permanently... talk to him about his difficulties, what he finds most difficult, etc.
Hope that helps, good luck w/ everything~!
2006-09-05 16:11:22 · answer #1 · answered by yupgigirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's in a rut after 5 months of living in US and not yet being able to speak the language, which as you know is the key to a happy life in a new country. If you've moved to US so you can take your Ma, sounds like he may be hanging on til you finish it then he can have you both return back to his home as you adjusted there better and he was obviously happy there.
You say you have tried everything to keep him busy, maybe that's the problem right there, what has he wholeheartedly tried to do to fit in better? Has he just been going through the motions so you think he's trying? He needs to assert himself more, he needs to try things that he thinks of and maybe he will land on his @rse but at least he's trying and he'll learn from it.
I don't think he was really invested in making a go of it in US, from what you are saying, and now he's telling you he wants to go back. You need to sit down and have a serious talk about what you both want in life. Believe me, if you go back to Korea with him, the only way you'll be returning back to US is on your own. I can't see him taking that leap again, so it's decision time. Good luck.
2006-09-02 23:33:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married a Korean also. We met in Korea and she didn't speak English either. I think the difference is that I didn't know Korean. When we got married she was forced to learn English quicker because that was the only choice. That makes all of the difference. Of course the fact that he's the man and can't provide for you is naturally going to make him depressed. I hate to bring it up but in a situation like this it may have been better for you to live in Korea where he could do the providing.
2006-09-02 22:17:44 · answer #3 · answered by RedC. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting a green card has nothing to do with going back home. Green card is so he can stay in this country.
Hey how can he watch TV and not understand English. Does he know how to speak Spanish.
You pulled him from his home land and told him how great this country was. Forgot about communications did we.
He is never going to be happy here. Reason he wasn't prepared to be here.
2006-09-02 21:34:47 · answer #4 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is in a tough situation, and it's not going to get better quickly. Immigrating to a new country, leaving your culture, family and language makes you feel incredibly useless. He can't make a living, can't make friends and doesn't feel like a man. I can understand his depression.
Is there some Korean organization around where you live? A place where he can volunteer? He needs a purpose and to feel independent.
2006-09-02 21:35:06 · answer #5 · answered by brand_new_monkey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Convince him that he needs to give this a try for one year, or another seven months. Any international transition requires at least a year to see any tangible results. It's a slow process, but once both of you see even a slight progress, you may become encouraged to proceed further.
2006-09-02 21:39:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to set an understanding matter here! Hell will adjust soon!
2006-09-02 21:37:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to a Korean church and explain to them what is going on........they will come to see him...and he will soon be able to make the ajustment, and at the same time make new firends...he'll have someoen to talk to and do things wih.......they can help him in more ways than you know
2006-09-03 02:22:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I promise i will adjust with u
2006-09-02 21:44:41 · answer #9 · answered by john_0502000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dn't worry .I bless you .
2006-09-03 00:09:59 · answer #10 · answered by Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋