Please help me? I need lots and lots of help?

Question

I'm a Chinese (7th grade) and the teacher told us to write an English diary, so I'm wondering can you please help me? Use your way of writing my diary or check if is there any grammar, spelling, phrase that is wrong! I can give you 10 points if u did a good job! You can change or add many difficult or funny words in my diary, make my diary more interesting, and make my diary sound more like Americans.
Dear Diary,
My friend Alicia had called my today. She told me that he family was going a trip for two days, and asked me is I wanted to come along. I hesitated for a moment, it’s only a trip for two days, and how bad could it be? I said yes and then hung up the phone. When I started packing up my luggage, I tried to think if I had made the right decision. Ten minutes later, Debra’s family had picked me up. When I went in the car, I saw Alex in the back of the seat. “Alex?” I gasped surprisingly. I just knew Alicia would invite Alex. “So, were are we going?”

I asked. “A very old mine” said Alicia. After we arrived the first thing I do was putting some zit cream on my face. Then Alicia’s father handed us all a piece a photocopied map. The map shows the tunnels inside the mine, but it didn’t show the scale. Alicia’s mother told us to get ready. Then I took several deep breaths, hyperventilating and then I plunged in. I felt horrible inside, I felt like being buried alive. And I thought this old mine would collapse at anytime! I was so scared, so I walked as fast as I could. Suddenly, I found out that I was lost; all I could see was just tunnels and railways. I’m trying to think to myself” If you panic, you’ll die! Think what you’re doing. Be careful. One step at a time.” I wonder in the old mine about five minutes, and then I remembered I had a walkie-talkie with me. But when I was trying to turn on the walkie-talkie, I realized that there are no batteries inside!

I kicked the wall as hard as I could, too hard that I accidentally wrenched my ankle. “Nothing seems to go right today! The stupid map is no use! I don’t even know where I am!” I shouted loudly. Then, I walled aimless like an hour. Suddenly, I saw a length of rope, leading through the darkness, so I followed the rope. For a long time, I thought that I had made the wrong dissension. But then I saw had hit something. I look forward, and I saw a trapdoor in front of my, I pulled padlock as hard as I could. Nothing had happened for a while. But suddenly, the trapdoor had sprung open. I had found the exit! When I walked out, I saw four figures standing in front of me. “Where were you?” Alicia asked, looking really worried. “We’ve been looking all over for you! And we’ve been waiting for at least three hours!” yelled Alex indignantly. “Sorry to let you guys worried, but I was lost!

Plus there are no batteries inside my warlike-talkie” I explained quickly hoping they would forgive me. “Fine, get into the car, we’re going to stay in a hotel.” There was a long silence during the driving. After we arrived at the hotel, I took a bath and then went to bed. As I laid on my bed, I was thinking” Will it get better tomorrow? ” I thought over the question for a very long time, then I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Answer 1

I don’t mind if you are trying to get out of doing your homework …I ask just one thing …don’t try to write like Americans, try to write like Australians …we have much more fun :)

Dear Diary,

My friend Alicia called me today. She told me that her family was going a trip for two days, and asked me if I wanted to come along. I hesitated for a moment, it’s only a trip for two days, and how bad could it be? Thoughts of what happened the last time I went out will Alicia and her family flooded my mind …I had tried so very hard to forget the incident with superglue.

But, for some reason I said yes… I don’t know what came over me. When I started packing up my luggage, I again questioned whether I had made the right decision. Ten minutes later, Alicia’s family had picked me up. When I climbed into the car, I saw Alex in the back of the seat. “Alex?” I gasped. I can’t believe she invited him.

“So, where are we going?” I asked. “A very old mine” said Alicia. Why were we going to a mine? When we arrived, Alicia’s Dad handed us all a piece a photocopied map. It showed the tunnels inside the mine, but it didn’t show the scale. Alicia’s mother told us to get ready. Then I took several deep breaths …I was sure that I would hyperventilate.

Do I really need to go inside? This old mine could collapse at any time! I was petrified. I walked fast; the less time I spent in there the better! Suddenly, I realised that I could no longer see the light of Alicia’s torch. I felt sick …I realised that I was lost; tunnels and railway tracks stretched out before me. No one ever told me what to do in the event off being lost in a mine! I was thinking to myself …stay calm …freakin’ out isn’t going to help anyone …don’t panic! If you panic, you’ll die! I thought to myself that I must stop and think, take one step at a time and focus.

Think what you’re doing. Be careful. Take one step at a time ...but I needed a rest …all I wanted to do was sit down and have a rest …but if I stopped, would I ever start again? Finally I collapsed to the ground.

Ouch!!!

…and then I remembered the walkie-talkie in my back pocket. A wave of relief flooded over me. But when I tried to turn the walkie-talkie on I realized that there were no batteries inside!

I kicked the wall as hard as I could …which was too hard. My ankle was well and truly sprained. Nothing was going right …even the stupid map was of no use. I had no idea what to do! Finally, I started yelling at the top of my lungs …I hobbled and shouted, and hobbled and shouted. An hour or more must have passed. Suddenly, I saw a length of rope snaking off into the darkness. I followed the rope …what else could I do? …I didn’t have any better ideas.

For a long time, I thought that I had made the wrong decision. And then, when I fell head over heals, I wasn’t feeling any better about my choice. But then I realised it was a trapdoor. Should I open in? Knowing the luck I had encountered so far, I wasn’t so sure that it would be a great idea to disturb anything. But what did I have to loose? I pulled at it …nothing had happened for a while, but suddenly it sprung open. I had found the exit! When I walked out, I saw four figures standing in front of me. “Where were you?” Alicia asked, looking really worried. “We’ve been looking all over for you! And we’ve been waiting for at least three hours!” yelled Alex indignantly. “Gee, I’m sorry for the inconvenience! Next time we go to an abandoned mine I will bring my own batteries for the walkie-talkie.”

“Fine, get into the car, we’re going to stay in a hotel” said Alicia’s Dad. There was a long silence during the driving. After we arrived at the hotel, I took a bath and then went to bed. While I lay on my bed, Alicia came into my room and said “sorry we lost you.” I told her that it wasn’t their fault. “Hey” she said, “next week we are going on a tour of a live volcano …want to come?” I didn’t know what to say …I wanted to pull my doona over my head and hide. Instead I said, “let me get back to you on that one.”

Will it get better tomorrow? I thought over the question for a very long time …I figured it was best not to know …it might give me nightmares.

Answer 2

Dear Diary,
My friend Alicia had called me today. She told me that her family was going on a trip for two days, and asked me if I wanted to come along. I hesitated for a moment, it’s only a trip for two days, and how bad could it be? I said yes and then hung up the phone. When I started packing up my luggage, I tried to think if I had made the right decision. Ten minutes later, Debra’s family had picked me up. When I went in the car, I saw Alex in the back of the seat. “Alex?” I gasped surprisingly. I just did know Alicia would invite Alex. “So, where are we going?”

Additional Details

44 minutes ago
I asked. “A very old mine” said Alicia. After we arrived the first thing I did was putting some zit cream on my face. Then Alicia’s father handed us all a piece a photocopied map. The map showed the tunnels inside the mine, but it didn’t show the scale. Alicia’s mother told us to get ready. Then I took several deep breaths, hyperventilating and then I plunged in. I felt horrible inside, I felt like being buried alive. And I thought this old mine would collapse any minute! I was so scared, so I walked as fast as I could. Suddenly, I found out that I was lost; all I could see was just tunnels and rails. I thought and tried to encourage myself” If you panic, you’ll die! Think what you’re doing. Be careful. One step at a time.” I wandered in the old mine for about five minutes, and then I remembered I had a walkie-talkie with me. But when I was trying to turn on the walkie-talkie, I realized that there are no batteries inside!

43 minutes ago
I kicked the wall as hard as I could, too hard that I accidentally bruised my ankle. “Nothing seems to go right today! The stupid map is no use! I don’t even know where I am!” I shouted loudly. Then, I walked aimless for an hour. Suddenly, I saw a length of rope, leading through the darkness, so I followed the rope. For a long time, I thought that I had made the wrong decision. But then I hit something. I looked forward, and saw a trapdoor in front of me, I pulled the padlock as hard as I could. Nothing had happened for a while. But suddenly, the trapdoor sprung open. I had found the exit! When I walked out, I saw four figures standing in front of me. “Where were you?” Alicia asked, looking really worried. “We’ve been looking all over for you! And we’ve been waiting for at least three hours!” yelled Alex indignantly. “Sorry to let you guys worried, but I was lost!

43 minutes ago
Plus there are no batteries inside my warlike-talkie” I explained quickly hoping they would forgive me. “Fine, get into the car, we’re going to stay in a hotel.” There was a long silence during the drive. After we arrived at the hotel, I took a bath and then went to bed. As I laid on my bed, I was thinking” Will it get better tomorrow? ” I thought over the question for a very long time, then I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Answer 3

some very minor changes and corrections!
My friend Alicia had called my today. She told me that her family was going on a trip for two days, and asked me if I wanted to go along. I hesitated for a moment, it’s only a trip for two days, and how bad could it be? I said yes and then hung up the phone. When I started packing my luggage, I tried to think if I had made the right decision. Ten minutes later, Debra’s family had picked me up. When I went in the car, I saw Alex in the back seat. “Alex?” I gasped surprisingly. I just knew Alicia would invite Alex. “So, where are we going?”
Additional Details
2 hours ago
I asked.” To a very old mine” said Alicia. After we arrived the first thing I did was putting some zit cream on my face. Then Alicia’s father handed us all a photocopied map. The map showed the tunnels inside the mine, but it didn’t show the scale. Alicia’s mother told us to get ready. Then I took several deep breaths, hyperventilating and then I plunged in. I felt horrible inside, I felt like being buried alive. And I thought this old mine would collapse at anytime! I was so scared, so I walked as fast as I could. Suddenly, I found that I was lost; all I could see was just tunnels and railways. I was trying to think to myself” If you panicked, you’d die! Think what you’re doing. Be careful. One step at a time.” I wandered in the old mine about five minutes, and then I remembered I had a walkie-talkie with me. But when I was trying to turn on the walkie-talkie, I realized that there were no cells inside!
2 hours ago
I kicked the wall as hard as I could, so hard that I accidentally wrenched my ankle. “Nothing seems to go right today! The stupid map is of no use! I don’t even know where I am!” I shouted loudly. Then, I walked aimlessly for an hour. Suddenly, I saw a length of rope, leading through the darkness, so I followed the rope. For a long time, I thought that I had made the wrong decision. But then I saw I had hit something. I looked forward, and I saw a trapdoor in front of me, I pulled the padlock as hard as I could. Nothing happened for a while. But suddenly, the trapdoor sprang open. I had found the exit! When I walked out, I saw four figures standing in front of me. “Where were you?” Alicia asked, looking really worried. “We’ve been looking all over for you! And we’ve been waiting for at least three hours!” yelled Alex indignantly. “Sorry to let you guys feel worried, but I was lost!
2 hours ago
plus there were no cells inside my walkie-talkie” I explained quickly hoping they would forgive me. “Fine, get into the car; we’re going to stay in a hotel.” There was a long silence during the drive. After we arrived at the hotel, I took a bath and then went to bed. As I lay on my bed, I was thinking” Will it get better tomorrow? ” I thought over the question for a very long time, and then I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Answer 4

This is how I would word your diary

Dear Diary,
My friend Alicia called me today. She said that her family was going on a trip for two days, and asked me if I wanted to tag along. I hesitated for a moment, it’s only a trip for two days, and how bad could it be? I said yes and then hung up the phone.

When I started packing my luggage, I tried to think if I had made the right decision. Ten minutes later, Debra’s family had come to pick me up.

When I got in the car, I saw Alex in the back of the seat. “Alex?” I gasped surprisingly. I just knew Alicia would invite Alex. “So, where are we going?”

After we arrived Alicia’s father handed us all a map. The map showed the tunnels that were inside the mine, but it did’t show the scale.

Alicia’s mother told us to get ready. I took several deep breaths, hyperventilating and then I plunged in. I felt horrible inside, I felt like I was being buried alive. And I thought this old mine would collapse at anytime! I was so scared.

Suddenly, I found that I was lost; all I could see were tunnels and railways. I’m trying to think to myself” If you panic, you’ll die! Think of what you’re doing. Be careful. One step at a time.”

I wondered in the old mine for about five minutes, and then I remembered that I had a walkie-talkie with me. When I was trying to turn on the walkie-talkie, I realized that there are no batteries inside!

I kicked the wall as hard as I could, and I accidentally wrenched my ankle. “Nothing seems to go right today!

The stupid map is no use! I don’t even know where I am!” I shouted loudly. Then, I walled aimless like an hour and saw a length of rope, leading through the darkness, so I followed the rope.

As I was following the rope, I thought that I had made the wrong dissension. It came yo an end and I saw a trapdoor in front of me! I pulled at the padlock as hard as I could and I couldn't get the door to budge. All of a sudden the trapdoor sprung open. I had found the exit!

When I walked out, I saw my friends standing in front of me. Alicia kept asking me “Where were you?” and “We’ve been looking all over for you! And we’ve been waiting for at least three hours!” because she was worried about me...how sweet

Alex didn't want to admit it but he told Alicia that he was worried about me also!

I explained to them that I had no batteries ifor my warlike-talkie” quickly hoping they would forgive me.

We all got back into the car and went back to the hotel. After we arrived I took a bath and went to bed.

Be I went to sleep I kept thinking” Will tomorrow be any better? ” I pondered the question for a very long time, then I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

Answer 5

Dear Diary,
My friend Alicia called me today to tell me that her family was going on a trip for two days, and asked me if I wanted to come along. I hesitated for a moment and thought; it's only a trip for two days; how bad could it be? So, I said yes, and hung up the phone. When I started to pack my luggage, I thought about whether or not I had made the right decision. Ten minutes later, Alicia's family arrived to pick me up. When I got to the car, I saw Alex in the back seat. "Alex?", I gasped; surprised. I just knew Alicia would invite Alex. "So, where are we going?"
... the first thing I DID...
... the map SHOWED...
... (omit THEN) I took several deep breaths;
... I felt ilke I WAS being buried alive, and I thought this
... all I could see WERE just...
... think ABOUT what you're doing...
... I WANDERED in the old mine...
... as I could, SO hard that I ...
... I WALKED AIMLESSLY FOR an hour...
... I LOOKED forward...
... in front of ME...
... to let you guys GET worried...
... during the DRIVE...

hope this helps... good luck!& i hope you will ask for extra help at school if you dont feel confident about your skills-

Answer 6

Im 19 and it sounds like maybe your just trying to get someone to do your work for you. LOL
However for spell check you could type your diary up in a program on the computer called Microsoft Word and do a spell check right on there. It also helps with letting you know when a sentence dont make much sense.
So I would take what you have either copy and past it into "word" or type it up in "word" do the spell check there.
One little hint you have " She told me that he family was going a trip for two days, and asked me is I wanted to come along."
That should read:
She told me that her family was going to go on a trip for two days, and asked me if I wanted to come along.
Or
Alicia told me that her family was going on a trip for two days, and invited me to join them.

Answer 7

my frnd......had called (me) today,........told me that(her ) family was (goin on a trip for 2 days),.....i (thought for a moment).,,,...packin ...luggage (i was thinkin whether i made the right decision),(debra or alicia's?) family picked.,"alex?" (stared), (to a very old mine), first thing (i did), handed us (each a map of the tunnel), all i could see was(tunnels and railways), i(reminded myself), i (wander) , no batteries(in it), (wrenched my ankle?wat do u mean by tat!!!), then( i walked aimlessly for an hour), the ( wrong decision), but ( then i found tat i had hit something), i (looked), front(of me), (suddenly the door sprung open(exclude the"but")), (sorry to leave you guys worried) , tats all i cud find ........n by the way ....sum experience, man!!!!!
ps: the brackets show the corrections

Answer 8

Keep it up. You have started a diary, good. In time to come you can write a story book, with so much details. You can shorten your notes by writing in points or in short hand. You must remember that your diary is yours to refer to in the future. Its not for anybody else to read, and to get juicy stories or make fun of you. Go ahead and start your book.

Answer 9

Sounds like you're writing a story not in your diary. And you have too many grammatical errors.

Answer 10

Just write about real stuff, the grammar will come with time.