I need to know what it is like after leaving an abusive(verbally/emotionally) relationship. I have been married 8 years with 2 young children and I can't take this abuse anymore. The hollering in my face, the name calling from fat *****, worthless ************, lazy, free loading deadweight, stupid, etc.Or even the silent treatment that lasts for weeks sometimes. I feel like I am dying when he does this. Even in front of my kids. I just need to go but I need a push because I feel so helpless and worthless.
2006-09-02 20:01:55 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship for 5 years, he was great at first, said all the right things did all the right things, i thought he was prince charming.. although we used protection i ended up pregnant .. im still pretty sure to this day he tampered with the condom, (just from things hes said ) but nonetheless i got pregnant..and then he started to slowly change the further along i got in my pregnancy the more his true colors started to show.. the yelling, name calling ect..he even threatened to kidnap our daughter when she was born...but then he'd always appologize and he was sweet again and id think that i could change him cause i really believed he was this great guy deep down inside.. but as time went by the fights got worse, and the id get more and more scared of him.. he tore my selfesteem down so low that he made me feel like no other man would ever want me , he made me feel useless, made me feel like a bad mother, at one point i started to fight back and not take it, but that only made things worse.. id run for the door he'd block it, id run to the phone to call for help and he'd yank it out of the wall..i would get so upset that id end up getting physically ill to my stomach and start throwing up out of anxiety.. i had little money.. no family around, his family looked the other way.. i finally went numb and stopped caring, didnt care if he hit me or yelled at me i was like a walking zombie and all i wanted to do was sleep all the time i was so depressed.. one day i was walking and walked along the edge of a cliff, all i kept thinking was one more step , just one more and all the pain would stop.. and then suddenly my children came to my mind, i was all they had.. they depended on me, and they would suffer the rest of their lives if i did this to them.. and it was like a flash of pictures of them flooded my mind.. their smiles, their love for me.. and i started walking away from the edge of the cliff.. and with each step i got stronger realizing i had to get them out of this bad situation.. and i started plotting and planning and i went and got a seperate savings account and started putting money away in it.. i didnt have very much saved up but i had enough to drive us acrossed country back home.. all i had in the world were my kids, and a toyota tercel.. so i started packing the kids clothes and mine in boxes, telling him that i was packing them away for winter.. and while he was at work i was mailing them to my mother..finally i went and emptied out my banking account , packed up my kids and what i could fit into my car, and left.. at first i was scared even after i left him, not knowing what our future held, cause even though it was an abusive environment, there was a comfortable feeling in knowing where i was, what was going to be tomorrow ect.. but now only the unknown lied ahead of me, i thought about turning the car around all the way till i made it half way to my mothers..then suddenly on the last half of our trip the closer i got to home, the stronger i started to feel, the more free i started to feel.. and it was like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of me...
My kids are happier, they arent living in fear for me or themselves anymore.. at one point, i remember seeing a look on my sons face during the time i was being abused a look that i never want to see again, a look of feeling that even his own mother couldnt save him from this situation,thinking that i wasnt strong enough to fight the monster...and i think that killed me the most, him thinking that i couldnt protect myself let alone him.. and i was going to prove to him that his mom could protect him.. and i did, i found the strength and the courage to leave.. and get them out of such a bad situation..
Needless to say.. its been 3 years..since i left.. i just recently got married to a very kind, wonderful man that not only loves me but loves my kids.. he's very patient with me, because i still have alot of emotional scars that have yet to heal.. my self esteem is still shot, and it does take away from my husband and my relationship.. for example.. My x told me i was So ugly and grotest to have sex with that he couldnt even get it up cause i repulsed him so much.. and now i have a hard time undressing or having sex with the lights on with my husband although its getting better every day.. or sometimes innocent things my husband will say will trigger a memory of something my x would say and i automatically go into a defensive mode.. or in the beginning of our relationship id wake up from nightmares of my x fighting with me.. so unfortunately it does take time for the old scars to heal.. but there is a life out there, there are men out there that will love u and respect u and never hit u.. and that will love your children and be a good role model to them.. their is a light at the end of the tunnel.. but u have to be strong enough to reach for it..
Leave him, u deserve better, ur kids deserve better, and they cant fight for themselves, they need u to fight for their right to a happy life.. one with out fear... so if u cant do it for yourself, do it for them.. love them enough to walk to the ends of the earth to give them a loving , safe home..
Good luck.. u can do it..
2006-09-02 23:10:20 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was never actually married to the guy or had any kids but my ex fiance used to put guns in my face and call me a lazy b*tch and a lot of the other things you said. Do you have any family to fall back on? My mother wired me money and bought me a plane ticket and I was supposed to leave while he was at work. Problem was he didn't go to work that day. So my mom called the cops (from out of state) and they stayed at my house until I was done packing and out of the house so he couldn't hurt me. Than I left and never looked back.
If you do not have family to fall back on look to a friend to help you find a safe house and talk to the police. It's never okay to put up with an abusive realtionship good for you for getting you and your kids out. I know it's tough and there are never any easy answers for how to go about it.
2006-09-02 21:59:37 · answer #2 · answered by ashez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you heard of a safe house? The local women's shelter will have a "safe house". It is in a secret location that even the police aren't aware of! From there they go to court with you, file restraining orders for free, provide counseling for you and your kids, and it's safe!
You don't have to be physically abused to qualify! Sounds like what he's doing is more than enough!
Yeah, I've left an abusive realationship and found another! It's scary but the safe house is full of support! All meals and everything are free! You don't have to have a dime to get help!
2006-09-02 20:08:16 · answer #3 · answered by me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is YOUR JOB as a mother to protect and nurture your children, get out while you can. i was married for 16 years, some good most bad. My children are grown now and they thank me every now and then. they said they hated to see me so sad. its hard in the beginning but time does heal all, i've met someone new and life is better.the best revenge is to get healthy and don't listen to or put up with the bullshit any more.start making a plan. put all your worldly possessions in a safe place. start buying duplicate items such as a toaster, frying pan and keep them at a friends house. then when you're ready to leave, just go.kids dont mind sleeping on the floor when they know they're safe. starting over can be fun. you are worth something, show him.
2006-09-02 20:14:40 · answer #4 · answered by hunurse23 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have you know you're put down so much that you start to believe it but hey when you've had enough and leave you'll feel so much better about yourself it seems like you learn to live again take the chance and get out you are not helpless or worthless and no one can give you that push you have to chose i made my mind up and hey life is great!!!! think about it it's not good for your kids to be in that kind of enviorment make a happy home for you and your kids without him you can do so much better but it's your choice to make!!
2006-09-02 20:24:25 · answer #5 · answered by i love my son 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I left 2 such relationships. And the peace and quiet are so good, that all you can do is enjoy life once again. I finally have learned to love myself again. Am now in a relationship that is fabulous in every way. You don't deserve to be treated like this, and your little ones certainly don't need to hear all that. Believe me, if you don't get them out of there, they will also be scarred for the rest of their lives. You need to be a roll model of what and how adults treat each other.
2006-09-02 20:11:16 · answer #6 · answered by charlies mom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a relationship like that, and it's a wonder I survived.
He's got you whipped right now, but you have to be the one to change that. Not only is it affecting you, it's gonna affect your kids, too. They're gonna think it's normal to act like he does in a relationship, and worse, they're gonna think it's normal to you, too.
This man is a coward! He gets his kicks yelling at women and putting them down. Why? Cause he can! He knows that you don't do nothing about it. And it'll get worse...it never fails.
You don't want your kids to grow up in the shadow of this monster. And believe me...if he can sulk for weeks at a time, then he plain never grew up, and he's nothing less than a monster in the making. You think it's bad now?>>>you ain't seen nothing yet!
GET OUT OF THERE!!!!! GB
2006-09-02 21:49:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it seems that it is easier to put up with the crap and continue the life you know, same house, lifestyle, relationship, etc., but you owe it to yourself and your children to get out of that relationship right away. Often times women of verbal and/or physical abuse have no self esteem thanks to their husband and feel they cannot survive without him or go it alone. I'm here to tell you that you can and things will be so much better once you do. Women no longer have to put up with crap for their husbands, they should be there because they want to be, not because they have to be. Anyway, get going and good luck!
2006-09-02 20:13:21 · answer #8 · answered by frr_ls 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Really you are strong, but he's got you down. Want your motive? Take one look in your kids eyes. If you're that down, think of how they are, or will be. Think of them first. I don't care how hard it is. It's never too late to make their lives better.
HELPFUL HINT: Don't listen when he says he'll get better. Wait one day, don't tell him, and just take the kids and go. It'll be the best thing you ever do for them. Do it descretley though, they dont wanna see him catch you leaving, that would be a horrible thing for them to witness.
2006-09-02 20:08:42 · answer #9 · answered by girlie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many resources for you. You need to contact your local domestic violence agency. There is one in your area. They have wonderful counselors that can help you get out. I have counseled many battered women, and I am an ex-battered woman. You need to do what is best for you and for your children. Stand up on your feet (the feet that you had before you ever met this guy) and walk away. You are not the problem, he is. Contact your local agency. All you need to do is look in your local phone book. There are so many resources for you! Do it for yourself - you are worth it! Once you are out of that situation, you will begin to live again. I can't stress to you how critical it is for you to contact someone that can help you!!!!!
2006-09-02 20:09:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all if he's calling you all those names, he feels bad about himself more. That's why he's lashing out at you. He's not worth having you or his kids in his life. Get away from the negative environment for your kids sake Make a happy home for them
2006-09-02 20:29:51 · answer #11 · answered by THE BEST 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋